Shoplifting • Overspending • Hoarding • Employee Theft
Professional, confidential, comprehensive, and effective treatment.
Expert psychotherapy, therapist training, presentations, & corporate consulting
Available in-person, by telephone, and via video-conferencing
Recovery is just a phone call
248.358.8508
or an EMAIL away.
Recovery is just a phone call 248.358.8508 or an EMAIL away.
Professional, confidential, comprehensive, and effective treatment for
Shoplifting • Overspending • Hoarding • Employee Theft
Expert psychotherapy, therapist training, presentations, & corporate consulting
Available in-person, by telephone, and via video-conferencing
Recovery is just a phone call 248.358.8508 or an EMAIL away.
Confidential and effective treatment for
Shoplifting • Overspending • Hoarding • Employee Theft
Mr. Shulman’s third book, Bought Out and $pent! (2008) was one of the early books on compulsive shopping and spending. It’s a book aimed at a wide audience and explores our relationship to money, things, credit cards, and saving (or lack thereof). It sounds the alarm about how insidious and powerful our consumer culture is becoming—especially with the ever-increasing ubiquity of advertising, technology, and easy credit and 24/7 access to purchasing with the tap of a finger (and, now, with a brief vocal request to Siri, Echo or Alexa!). Filled with provocative theories and stories of some of the clients Mr. Shulman has treated, you are bound to learn something new and valuable about yourself and, perhaps, even your loved ones.
Some quotes from the inside cover:
"My fear and cry for help led me to Mr. Shulman. After a year of counseling I continue to grow and become the person I wanted to be all along. He helped me understand I'm not a bad person, I just made bad decisions. He opened the doors so I could forgive myself and heal."—Suzie, Georgia
"Thanks to Terry I was able to get a handle on my life. It was not easy. I had to revisit 50 years of my life: how-when-where-why? The light finally came on. I needed to like myself, take care of myself, and love myself. Now I do and everything has changed! I used to take care of everyone else first. I still share and care but I include myself now. When leaving a store now. I can say I had a successful day and mean it."—S.K., Ontario, Canada
"My work with Terry has been very enlightening! He guided me on a path of self-discovery and growth and offered the support I needed. Through the 10 sessions, I learned many new skills for living with this addiction, had the chance to try them out and then got to share my experiences in my next session. I felt that together we built a solid base for my recovery and I highly recommend Mr. Shulman's counseling."—T.C., Chicago
"My willingness to change and Mr. Shulman's program have truly changed me. If I had known about this program earlier, I could have avoided so much pain, trouble and legal issues." —A.C., New Orleans
Acknowledgments...............................x
About the Author............................xii
Preface: Are You A Shopaholic?.............xiii
Introduction...............................xvii
PART ONE
A Human Face on Compulsive Shopping and Spending
Brad's Story..................................1
Dollie's Story...............................11
Robert's Story...............................16
Bobbie's Story...............................24
Lynne's Story................................31
Lucy's Story.................................38
Jeremy's Story...............................46
Helena's Story...............................50
Rose's Story.................................57
Mike and Susie's Story.......................67
Joyce's Story................................78
PART TWO
The Bigger Picture
The Top Ten Reasons People Overshop or
Overspend....................................83
Sub-Categories of Shopaholics................85
Natasha Kendall, PhD Interview...............87
Pamela Landy, JD, CFP Interview..............98
Excerpts of Recent Newspaper Articles of
Interest....................................110
Tying It All Together.......................115
PART THREE
Exercises for Recovering Shopaholics & Spendaholics
Questions for Self-Exploration..............117
Budgeting 101...............................124
A New Budget................................125
My List of Unfair Things....................126
My Lucky Gratitude List.....................128
My Dream Job................................130
Journaling/Practice Journal Page............131
A Visit to a Homeless Shelter/Soup Kitchen..132
Gray Area Behaviors.........................133
Better Ways to Get Freebies & Good Deals....137
Common Triggers & Coping Skills.............138
Common Warning Signs & Coping Skills........141
How My Addiction Served Me..................144
Honesty is Its Own Reward...................148
Losing Your Edge or Gaining Your Edge.......149
Be Assertive! ..............................150
The Importance of Humor.....................151
Someone to Talk To..........................153
What to Do With Your Useless Purchases......154
The Dangers of Transferring Addictions......155
Forgiving Ourselves.........................157
The 12 Steps of Debtors Anonymous...........158
Using the 12 Steps..........................160
The Serenity Prayer.........................171
PART FOUR
Related Topics
Conducting an Intervention..................173
The Family Needs Help, Too..................182
Help for Those Afraid of Shopping or
Spending....................................183
Starting a Self-Help Group..................184
Epilogue: Where Do We Go From Here?.........185
Resources...................................186
Books/DVDs..................................188
From the Preface
I believe something else is happening. A dangerous mindset has taken root: spend now and worry later—or, better yet, don’t worry at all! Welcome to the world of addiction: the world of more, more, more. It’s a world of imbalance, of denial, and of insanity. It’s more than plain greed.
You’ve probably noticed a growing trend over the last decade or so. From Suze Orman to Dave Ramsey to Oprah’s “Debt Diet” to A&E TV’s “Big Spender” to books, articles, television and radio shows: calls near and far are sounding the alarm about our individual and collective problems with debt and spending.
Everywhere we look and listen: there are warning signs that something is out of balance: a looming recession, wild stock market swings, a housing market bust with record foreclosures, consumer credit card debt at an all time high! We’ve been told recently that we’re not in a recession but “a slow down.”
We were given easy credit, no money down, and promised “The American Dream.” Look what’s happening?
As Americans, we work longer hours, take less vacation time, have more health issues such as lack of sleep, depression, anxiety, and obesity, and report less overall satisfaction with life. As we continue to emulate and chase the lifestyles of the “rich and famous,” we pay a devastating toll being--individually and collectively.
Yet, many of us continue to spend like there’s no tomorrow. And, for many, there may not be a tomorrow. Our attitudes and culture of consumerism have reached a breaking point over the last few decades.
As with many issues, we seem to have a split personality—again, individually and collectively. On the one hand, we have a trend toward hyper-consumerism best illustrated by the blossoming of magazines and TV shows pushing the lure of haute couture and mocking—tongue-in-cheek—the excesses of shopping and spending—from “Sex in The City” to the chick-lit “Confessions of a Shopaholic” novellas which will be released as a major motion picture this year.
On the other hand, we have a growing movement saying slow down—from Suze Orman to, less stylistically, the movies “What Would Jesus Buy,” “Maxxed Out,” and the underground films “Money as Debt,” Freedom to Fascism,” and “Zeitgeist.”
In 2006, a landmark Stanford University study concluded that something else may better describe the phenomenon that is growing among millions of people. It is called” compulsive buying disorder.” While still controversial—there’s a tendency to call it “poor money management”—the hope is that it opens a new window towards prevention and treatment of persons whose buying and spending may not be helpable through conventional approaches such as just cutting up credit cards or trying to follow a financial advisor’s counsel.
Consider the following statistics:
If you’re reading this book, either you or someone you know has may have serious problems with shopping or spending. There are different ways to determine if there’s really a problem. If you think there’s a problem, usually there is. If others think you have a problem, usually there is. Ultimately, each one of us has to decide this for him/herself.
Sometimes there may be a problem with debt but not so much because of shopping—one may not shop regularly but may spend too much money on occasional larger purchases such as a home, a car, a vacation; or, one may spend too much on dining out, concerts, the theatre, etc. Likewise, one may have a compulsive shopping or spending problem but not be in debt—there may be other consequences like loss of time or interest in relationships, avoidance of emotions or of obligations.
Some common reasons why people overshop or overspend include the following:
Compulsive shoppers—often referred to as “shopaholics” can sometimes be described in categories such as these:
This book isn’t a book about finances from the viewpoint of how to make more money or how to save more money. It’s more about our emotional and psychological relationship to money and to things. It’s about going deeper—to the roots.
My interest in this subject is also personal.
I began to see how our relationship to money and to things is a huge source of wounding and pain in my clients—and most people in general. Therefore, creating a new relationship with money and things can, equally, bring healing and peace.
Since 2004, I began counseling compulsive shoppers and spenders in addition to my primary work with people who compulsively steal. Often, both behaviors—compulsive theft and spending—are present either at the same time or at different stages.
Remember the old saying: “you can’t solve most issues with money or things.” Most of us have experienced this lesson already. We see how “the rich and famous” still have problems—and that’s just the ones we hear about. We’ve heard the stories of lottery winners who blow their money all too quickly, fall into depression or addictions, or who end up saying they wish they’d never won. Yet, we still buy into the fantasy that more money or more things will make us happy.
I hope this book is another offering among the many out there which helps us look at, understand better, and make the necessary changes in our lives so we may live our best lives possible.
Terrence Daryl Shulman,
Southfield, Michigan, March 2008
From the Introduction
If you’re reading this book, either you or someone you know may have serious problems with shopping or spending. There are different ways to determine if there’s really a problem. If you think there’s a problem, usually there is. If others think you have a problem, there usually is. Ultimately, each one of us has to decide for him or herself.
Take the following quizzes and take an honest accounting…
20 QUESTIONS
Shulman CenterAssessment for Compulsive Shopping/Spending
What was your score/How many times did you answer Yes? _______
Most compulsive shoppers/spenders will answer yes to at least seven (7) of these questions
This questionnaire is adapted from the Gamblers Anonymous 20 Questions.
Debtors Anonymous & professional counseling should be recommend for compulsive shoppers/spenders.
15 Questions of Debtors Anonymous
What was your score/How many times did you answer Yes? _______
If you answered yes to eight or more of these questions, the chances are that you have a problem with compulsive debt, or are well on your way to having one. If this is the case, today can be a turning point in your life.
Copyright © 2011 by Terrence Daryl Shulman All rights reserved. No part of this book shall be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, magnetic, photographic - including photocopying, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system, without prior written permission of the publisher. No patent liability is assumed with respect to the use of the information contained herein. Although every precaution has been taken in the preparation of this book, the publisher and author assume no responsibility for errors or omissions. Neither is any liability assumed for damages resulting from the use of the information contained herein. Published by: InfinityPublishing.com • 519 West Lancaster Avenue • Haverford, PA 19041-1413