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ANNOUNCEMENTS! Spring's
Just Around The
Corner!
Check out our newly updated blog at http://blog.theshulmancenter.com/
I'd
like to dedicate this month's e-Newsletter to Jennie "Bunica"
Polak, my mother-in-law, who recently passed away at age 87 on
February 13, 2010. She was a strong and gentle soul. I enjoyed
being in her
life the past 10 years. She will be
missed.
Also, I'd like to say Happy 80th Birthday to my
stepdad Jim (Feb. 12th) and an early Happy Birthday to
my
mother Madeline (March 17th).
Family is precious
to us even as we merge with and embrace the greater family of
humanity around us.
We'd also like to dedicate this
issue to the people of Haiti and Chile who have suffered
earthquakes.
"Our appearance, our words, our actions
are never greater than ourselves. For the soul is our house,
our eyes its windows, our words and actions its messengers."
Kahlil
Gibran
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Celebrating
20 Years of Recovery!
It was 20 years
ago--on March 3, 1990--that I hit my bottom with shoplifting
and with life as it was. I
was in the middle of law
school--just shy of 25--and I'd been shoplifting and stealing
from work for nearly 10 years. My relationship with my
girlfriend was on the rocks--mostly because of me. My father
was in
a wheelchair from a stroke and had begun drinking
again. I was anxious about accumulating more student debt with
just-passing grades and no real desire to be an attorney. My
shoplifting and stealing were out of control. I was stressed,
depressed and at my wit's end. I actually began to think of
suicide
as the only way to end my pain, the only way to
escape. And, worst of all, nobody really knew how I felt and
nobody knew I'd been stealing all this time. I was lost. I was
alone...
"My world was crumbling. I knew I needed
help. It was at this point that I told my Mom and Dad I
needed to see a counselor. I told them I was depressed. I
told them I had been shoplifting for the last several years.
They were shocked but both were supportive. My Mom said she
had a feeling something was going on. She thought it was
drugs. My Dad was clueless because of his condition. They knew
I was a good person and believed it must be more of an
emotional problem. I started seeing a psychologist. There was
a ray of hope.
"But a week later, my Mom went out
of town. I'd seen my new counselor once but was still
unstable. I was feeling down and all alone. I got this idea to
try to get back with (my girlfriend). I felt desperate,
restless. My thoughts took over...
"I can't stand
it! What have I done? I hate my life! Pain... there's only
pain! Nothing's fair. I didn't mean to hurt her... I can't
believe my life has come to this. I can't sit still. I can't
stay here. I've gotta do something... I could go to the
supermarket and get something... maybe a bottle of champagne,
like
the one I took before... That'll show her I love
her... Just do it! Grab your trench coat, the long one.
Saturday mornings are pretty busy there, no one will
notice... I'll just go, get it, and come
home...
"Okay, we're here... Just act calm.
You know the trick. Walking... through... the doors... Okay,
I'm in. Look around... Everything looks okay. Act normal...
act friendly. Smile... Don't browse too long. Just
go to
the champagne aisle... Okay, we're here... Nobody's
watching... Which one should I get? This one'll do... wait!
Look around... Act normal... Okay, looks clear... Take the
bottle and slip it under
your coat... Act like you're
looking for something... Okay... get out of
here...
"Okay, now stay calm, just walk out... Who are
those two guys at the door? I'm screwed! Keep
calm...
"Excuse me, sir. Could you come with
us?
"Somebody shoot me... I want to
die..."
(Excerpted from "Something for Nothing:
Shoplifting Addiction and Recovery," 2003, pages
20-21)
How many of us have had a "just shoot me"
moment? How many of us can relate to the feeling of
"hitting a bottom"?
When I re-read these lines from
my story, from my life, it feels like that was only yesterday
yet, at
the same time, it feels like it was a dream, like
it wasn't even me. But I know it was me: I was
arrested
(my second time) I did go to court, I did plead guilty,
and I did continue in counseling. I did
begin my recovery
journey. And I can only imagine where I'd be--who I'd be--had
I not taken that first
big step... and kept on the
path.
Twenty years later my life still feels like a
dream sometimes. I could never have guessed that things would
have evolved as they had. I never would have guessed that I'd
start a support group, C.A.S.A. (Cleptomaniacs And Shoplifters
Anonymous) in 1992. I never would have guessed that I'd go
back to school and earn a Masters in social work in 1997. I
never would have dreamed that I'd meet a woman
as
wonderful as my future wife, Tina. I never would have imagined
I'd write and publish a book about shoplifting in 2003
and--less than a year later--be on The Oprah Winfrey Show. I
never would have imagined that I'd be counseling shoplifters
and others who steal. I am grateful for my addiction.
I
guess it only goes to show: you never know what life will
bring and what we can create as we put
one step in front
of the other and just keep moving forward, day by day, hour by
hour, minute by
minute.
And who knows what tomorrow
will bring? I certainly don't. Of course, there's been many
ups and
downs over the last two decades in my life and I'm
pretty sure there's still some ups and downs
ahead. Still,
I'm continuing to learn to be grateful for the journey in all
its ragged, meandering
splendor. It's sure the heck got to
be better than how I was living in my addiction.
Today, at least, I know I have choices--and when I
forget that, I have plenty of good people around
me to
remind me! Today, at least, I know I am a co-creator of my
life, for better or for worse. Today,
at least, I know, I
feel less lost and more found. Today, I know, I am
not alone.
Thank you all who have supported me in so
many ways over these last 20 years of my recovery. I
hope
I may stay grounded, humble, and passionate about life and
about serving life and others in a healthy
way.
____________________________________________________________________________________
On
Tiger and Toyota
There were a couple
interesting apologies in the news last month: Tiger Woods' and
Toyota's. Both
"brands" had recently been badly damaged:
Tiger's through his numerous affairs and Toyota's through
its several recalls on its automobiles. However, what
likely has damaged them even more that these
"facts" is
their delays in apologizing and accepting responsibility and,
further, their assumed "cover-up" attempts. The cover-up is
always worse than the underlying transgression. This is true
with addictions
and recovery.
As more comes out
about these two stories, it appears Tiger's affairs had been
going on for quite some time and, lest one argue that this is
purely a matter between him and his wife, I am not so
surprised
thatTiger is "human" as that he got away with
his "perfect image" for as long as he did. With Toyota, U.S.
congressional hearings have started not just to oversee quick
and efficient corrections to Toyota's safety issues but to
determine if Toyota committed criminal conduct by downplaying
and covering up these issues earlier. I can't help be reminded
of the banks, investment companies, and the drug
and
pharmaceutical industries.
It is telling that
Tiger admitted his wealth, fame, and talent had, essentially,
gone to his head and that
he began to believe normal rules
of conduct didn't apply to him. In a similar vein, Toyota has
admitted that it started to take short-cuts in its long-held
and relatively successful quality control procedures in
response to increasing global demand for its vehicles and also
figured it could save $100 million by not instituting a recall
earlier. Perhaps, like Tiger, Toyota hedged its bets and felt
either that its actions wouldn't cause harm or, at least, it
wouldn't get caught.
Many are still baffled: "what were
they thinking? They had so much to lose for so
little." I'm reminded
of
Winona Ryder and her (in)famous shoplifting incident.
We only need turn the mirror on ourselves to think
about times--recent or past--where our own best thinking
failed us. Again, for those acquainted
with addiction and
recovery, simple logic rarely is at work. I can't account for
any of the pressures
Toyota (or its chairman Mr. Toyoda)
experiences. I can empathize, however, on some level with the
pressures Tiger must have felt to continue "living the perfect
life." Perhaps, now, he is finally free on some level. Of
course, he may also be working overtime to claw his way back
as far as possible to respectability.
We don't know
what stressors or pressures go on in people's personal lives.
Tiger admitted he'd fallen
off his Buddhist practices and
I can imagine he's still going through grief over his father's
death just a couple of years ago. Reports put Tiger in sex
rehab. Is he really a sex addict? Is Winona really a
shoplifting addict? Who knows?
Time will tell whether
Tiger or Toyota is able to rebound and regain the trust and
respect--and the confidence of their respective consumers. In
the meantime, perhaps we can learn something about hubris and
taking short cuts and about covering-up our misdeeds vs.
owning up quickly and
humbly.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
Free
Intimacy with Money Telephone
Seminars
It is with great excitement
and confidence that I wish to share about the Free "Intimacy
with Money"
telephone seminars conducted by my long-time
friend Tom Lietaert and my more recent friend Andrew
Hogan
who currently work out of Boulder/Denver, Colorado. Their next
free teleconference is on Monday
March 8, 2010 at 7pm
Mountain Standard Time. The topic is money and
marriage/relationships.
To learn more and to register,
please go to: http://www.sacredodyssey.com/iwmhome.html
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New
Credit Card Law in Effect
A new
consumer protection credit card law went into effect February
22, 2010 which may help level
the playing field and
protect consumers in at least 8 ways. However, the average
consumer credit card debt hovers about $10,000 and the average
student credit card debt (not counting student loans) is
currently at $3,313. Further, many credit card companies
rushed to raise their interest rates before the law went into
effect and have already been finding loopholes and end-around
to evade the spirit of the
new law.
The new law is
aimed to promote the following: stopping retroactive rate
increases: providing more advance notice of interest rate
hikes; eliminate/reduce overdraft fees; prevent issuance of
credit cards
to persons/students under 21; end
double-billing cycles; fairer payment allocation to higher
interest
card balances first; statements must be mailed
earlier--at least 21 days before payments are due; and gift
cards expiration dates are extended to at least 5 years from
the date of issuance.
Still, credit cards are dangerous
in the wrong hands and, according to Dave Ramsey, people spend
on average of 15% more annually when using credit cards
regularly compared to people who make purchases regularly with
cash, checks, and/or debit cards.
If you would like to
read more about the new credit card law, please click on the
link below:
http://www.bankrate.com/finance/credit-cards/8-major-benefits-of-new-credit-card-law-1.aspx
_____________________________________________________________________________________
Book of the month:
Who Would You Be Without Your
Story? by Bryon Katie
If you're not familiar with Byron Katie's work
called "The Work" or her several books, I'd recommend
you
read this one. It is filled with actual dialogues she's had
with individuals who've attended her live seminars. Katie
works with each person on a particular challenge or hurt in
his or her life which has been difficult to let go.
Breakthroughs abound! Our notions of who we are--and who
others are--and
what life really is get questioned in a
humorous and piercing way.
Katie has developed four
questions which she calls "inquiry" as a tool to explore and
shift any "story" we have about ourselves, others, or life
which may not be serving us (or others!). We ask: 1. Is it
true? 2. Can we absolutely know it's true? 3. How do we feel
or react believing this is true? 4. Who would we be without
this truth or story? In addition, Katie encourages us to
"turnaround" our story. For example,
if my story is
"nobody understands or supports me in the way I deserve it" I
would go through the four questions of inquiry and see what
really comes up for me and then, in the "turnaround" I can
choose
to reframe my statement, to see if there are
other possible truths/stories that fit as well: "I don't
really understand or support (others) in the way they
deserve it"; "I don't understand or support myself in the way
I deserve it"; "Others do understand and support me in the way
I deserve it."
You might be surprised what new
perspectives are revealed for you. See more of Byron Katie's
work
at
www.thework.com
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Compulsive Theft & Spending in The
News! February/March
2010:
February 1--Mr. Shulman was
featured on self-publishing and creating a counseling
practice/business
at http://www.makeitdetroit.com
February
15--Mr. Shulman was featured on self-publishing and creating a
counseling practice/business
in Crain's Detroit Business
weekly newspaper.
February 15--Mr. Shulman was featured
in an online article about compulsive shopping and spending in
the Atlanta Journal Constitution
newspaper.
February 22--Mr. Shulman was featured on
Detroit's Channel 7 News (ABC) on compulsive
shoplifting.
See http://www.wxyz.com/news/local/story/Addicted-to-Shoplifting/lG2EPkQtfUCwy2TL4Dcq9A.cspx
March--Mr.
Shulman will be featured in an article in Seventeen magazine
about shoplifting and teens.
March--Mr. Shulman
will be featured in an article in Carroll magazine about
shoplifting addiction.
March--Mr. Shulman will be
featured in an article in Alternet magazine about compulsive
shopping.
March--Mr. Shulman will be featured in
articles in The Toronto Star newspaper and in Canada's
Chatelaine magazine on shoplifting addiction.
Mr.
Shulman is assisting the Baton Rouge, Louisiana court system a
court-ordered three hour
facilitated educational
program for retail fraud offenders. The program is based on
material from
his book "Something for Nothing: Shoplifting
Addiction and Recovery"
(2003).
Beyond
March...
Mr. Shulman is to be
featured in an article on shoplifting addiction and youth in
the April 2010 edition
of Seventeen Magazine.
April
8--Mr. Shulman will be a featured presenter on men's issues in
therapy and recovery at The
National Association of Social
Workers--Michigan Chapter Annual Conference in Dearborn,
Michigan.
September 8-11--Mr. Shulman will be a guest
presenter on compulsive shopping and spending at
The
National Conference on Addiction Disorders near Washington,
D.C.
Mr. Shulman
submitted a chapter on employee theft for a U.K. book entitled
"Risky Business" to
be released in
mid-2010.
Mr. Shulman created an online continuing
education course on compulsive shopping and spending
called "Bought Out and $pent!" based on his book and Power
Point presentation. The course is
offered through The
American Psychotherapy Association and is available for
purchase by APA
members and non-members and CEs are
available. See http://www.americanpsychotherapy.com/
Mr.
Shulman created an online education course called "Creating an
Honest and Theft-Free
Workplace" based on his book
and Power Point presentation through 360 Training Services.
CEs are available. See www.360training.com
Mr. Shulman is assisting with a CNN TV news
story about compulsive shopping/spending in
today's economy.
Mr. Shulman will be featured in a
segment on shoplifting addiction in the MSNBC series "Theft
in
America" to air in late 2009/early
2010.
Mr. Shulman is consulting on a major
motion picture tentatively called "The Rush" in which the
lead character is addicted to shoplifting and
stealing.
Mr. Shulman continues to assist the
Kingman, Arizona court system with his
court-ordered home-
study program for retail fraud
offenders. The program is based on material from his
book "Something
for Nothing: Shoplifting Addiction
and Recovery" (2003).
Mr. Shulman is
consulting with an author who is writing a novel about two
kleptomaniacs who fall in
love with each
other.
____________________________________________________________________________________
Contact The Shulman Center
Terrence Shulman
P.O. Box
250008
Franklin, Michigan 48025
E-mail:
terrenceshulman@theshulmancenter.com
Call (248) 358-8508 for free
consulation!
Related sites by Terrence
Shulman:
www.theshulmancenter.com
www.kleptomaniacsanonymous.com
www.shoppingaddictions.org
www.shopliftingaddictions.com
www.terrenceshulman.com
www.shopaholicsanonymous.org
www.employeetheftsolutions.com
www.somethingfornothingbook.com
www.bitingthehandthatfeeds.com
www.boughtoutandspent.com
Books:
Something For
Nothing
Biting The Hand That Feeds
Bought Out and
$pent
Products for Purchase--ON SALE through
2009!
Mr. Shulman's three books
"Something for Nothing: Shoplifting Addiction & Recovery"
and "Biting
The Hand That Feeds: The Employee Theft
Epidemic... New Perspectives, New Solutions," and
"Bought
Out and $pent! Recovery from Compulsive $hopping and $pending"
are availabe for $25.00
each (includes
shipping/handling).
Second International Conference on
Compulsive Theft & Spending 2 DVD set (6 Hours). Recorded
9/08. $100.00.
Click here to purchase
E-mail Mr. Shulman:
terrenceshulman@theshulmancenter.com
or
Call (248) 358-8508
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