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ANNOUNCEMENTS! Happy
Valentines Day!
Mark your calendars!
Therapist Telephone Training on compulsive
theft and spending begins this February! Please
contact Terrence Shulman at terrenceshulman@theshulmancenter.com or 248-358-8508 for more information.
Be on the cutting edge of these newer and exciting fields
of treatment. Led by Mr. Shulman, learn how
to assess and
treat clients who suffer from compulsive theft and/or
spending.
Check out our newly updated blog
at http://blog.theshulmancenter.com/
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Shoplifting
Can Kill You (or Others)!
http://www.freep.com/article/20100116/COL32/1160357/1001/NLETTER09/
http://freep.com/article/20100115/NEWS03/100115040/1319/Shoplifting-suspects-to-be-arraigned-in-guards-death
The above article links chronicle events which occurred in
the metro-Detroit area in mid-January. In
one instance, a
security guard was dragged to death by a vehicle he attempted
to stop which was
driven by a couple of suspected "petty
shoplifters." In the second and unrelated instance, later that
same day, three men suspected of "petty
shoplifting" were eluding police on a freeway--endangering
others--and crashed their car: all 3 were killed.
The following is an opinion/editorial piece I quickly
composed and forwarded to several of our largest
local
newspapers. It was not published--nor did I receive any
follow-up responses of interest. I offer it
here as a
reminder to us all--whatever your thoughts or feelings on
these type of events--which are not isolated and seem to be
increasing in today's economy--that life is precious
and many tragedies are tragedies because
their consequences are so often
unforeseen...
"And so we are here
again: multiple deaths related to shoplifting
incidents in our community—this
time, within a 24-hour
cycle.
What a tragedy for all: the
security guard killed while trying to apprehend a Pontiac
couple, the three
men killed on the freeway trying to
elude police after their suspected petty theft, and the
families
and friends of those who knew the deceased.
And, of course, Detroit makes
the national (and world) news again.
Not since roughly 10 years
ago—in 2001—did the crime of shoplifting make the news in such
a
dramatic way. Of course, there was Winona Ryder's
(in)famous shoplifting arrest (and subsequent
trial and
conviction), But there were also four local deaths between
late 2000 and 2001--all suspected
shoplifters including a
man choked at Kroger's, a man suffocated at Rite Aid, and a
woman crushed
while hiding in a trash compactor outside
Fairlane Mall.
In 2001, we scratched our heads
over Winona—why would she do it, she's a millionaire? In the
Detroit area deaths—as attorney Geoffrey Fieger
represented the family's of the deceased—our local
and
national conversation seemed limited to whether the security
guards used excessive force or were
racist (all the guards
and victims were black) or whether, somehow, those who do the
crime can't
control their fate (in other words, they may
have deserved it).
One thing positive may have
come from those deaths a decade ago: the state legislature
began
the process for a universal training for loss
prevention and store security personnel. From my
research,
some other states followed suit.
Of course, these changes didn't
prevent the recent tragedies before us.
I asked the question then in a
Free Press op-ed (I don't believe it was ever answered) and I
ask it
again now? Why is there so much shoplifting and
what, really, can be done? Of course, complex
questions
often entail complex answers.
Some theorized that maybe
the most recent shoplifters stole to sell items to feed their
drug habit.
Another theory is that the economy led others
to make desperate and rash decisions. There may be
some
truth to either theory but that's little comfort to anyone.
Statistics show that a sizeable portion
of the community
shoplifts and that, since the economic downturn 2 years ago
shoplifting has
increased 5-10%. A recent study by Jack
Hayes, International estimates there are 300 million
shoplifting incidents in the U.S. each year.
One size doesn't fit all.
People shoplift for different reasons: there are professional
thieves who do it
for a living. There are drug/alcohol
addicts, gambling addicts, and even shopping addicts who steal
to
save money to get their fix or steal and sell to get
their fix or pay off debts. There are those who feel
they
have to steal due to lack of money. There are youth who steal
on a dare or to "keep up with
the (younger) Joneses." And
there are people who actually get addicted to shoplifting
itself—the high,
the rush, the adrenaline.
In March 2010 I will be
celebrating 20 years of recovery myself from shoplifting
addiction. It took
two arrests—the last in 1990—before I
"hit my bottom." I felt so depressed I almost took my own life
over the shame of shoplifting. Fortunately, I entered
counseling to deal with my issues and later
started local
support groups and became an addiction therapist specializing
in treating "theft
disorders"—including shoplifting and
employee theft.
In my many years working with
persons in our support groups as well as my private clients, I
have
known or heard of persons who killed themselves over
shoplifting, persons who lost their marriages,
their kids,
their careers, their freedom, their dignity. It is never worth
it—but tell that to someone who
already doesn't value
their life.
Most shoplifters don't flee
when confronted or apprehended. Many begin crying, many
secretly want
to get caught so their secret pain and
out-of-control behavior might end.
Unfortunately, many do panic.
And the results can be deadly. Yes, like alcohol, drugs, and
other
addictions, shoplifting can be dangerous to your
health...and the health of others.
So, if you have a shoplifting
problem--whatever the reason--or you're thinking about
shoplifting as
some kind of solution--don't do it! Get
help now. And if you know or suspect a family member or friend
is shoplifting or thinking about shoplifting, talk to
the--quickly--before it's too late."
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Consumer
Confidence?
U.S. retail sales
actually dropped by 2% in December 2009 compared to December
2008 despite a
rebounding economy. Final figures for
the entire year 2009 are still pending. While certain
ecomomic
indicators have improved (such as the stock
market) and others have leveled off (such as
un-
employment, inflation, and fuel prices) we all need to
be aware that an "aftershock" could be looming
and we need
to find a healthy balance between spending and saving--not
just now but
always.
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Launching of Bay Area Impulse Control
Center
I'd like to give a shout out
to my friend and colleague Elizabeth Corsale, of the former
Shoplifters
Recovery Program in San Francisco. She and her
colleague, Dr. Samantha Smithstein, are launching
The Bay
Area Impulse Control Center this month. They will treat a
variety of disorders including
stealing, sex addiction,
and video game/Internet addiction.
Please visit their
website at: www.impulsecontrolcenter.com
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Noted Money Harmony Therapist/Author Offering
Teleconferencs
Olivia Mellan, a
Washington, D.C.-based therapist and author who specializes in
working with money
issues and overshopping and overspending
is offering a series of teleconference seminars which
are
designed to help individuals and/or couples learn how to find
harmony around these issues. I
count Olivia as both a
colleague and a friend and consider her, along with Dr. April
Benson of New York
to be among the early pioneers on
money/shopping/spending issues.
Please
visit Olivia and find out more about her work at: www.moneyharmony.com
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Book of the month:
The Five Love
Languages by Gary Chapman (1995,
Northfield Publishing)
In the
spirit of Valentine's Day, I recently started re-reading a
book I've had for several years: Gary
Chapman's
The Five
Love Languages. I highly recommend it for
individuals and couples and have
referred my clients to it
on occasion.
The main premise of the book--as I understand it--is
that there are primarily five ways in which we give
and receive love--partly naturally and partly through
learning. These five primary ways include: words
of
affirmation, quality time, gifts, acts of service, physical
touch. Think of this as a Myers-Briggs
or Enneagram-like
exploration of your core "love-type."
Think about
yourself: of these five "love languages," are the a few that
really stick out for you as the
primary ways in which
you tend to express your love to others? Are you the "touchy
feely" type?
Are you "the gift giver"? The
"poet/poetess" or "sweet-talker"? Do you love helping others
and doing
favors? Or is it just quality time you tend to
offer as one of your main gifts to others?
Now,
think about the primary ways that you prefer to receive love
or caring from others? Do you crave
or somewhat cringe at
touch? Do you get excited when you get gifts or not so much?
Is quality t
ime important or do favors and acts of
service (from allowing you your space to doing the dishes) put
you at ease or get your engine runnin'? Do you need or
soak in praise or compliments or do you bat
them
away?
Where it gets really interesting is that, quite
naturally (as the book says) we tend to give love in
the
language or way we wish to receive it. For instance, if
I tend to crave touch I may just assume that
my partner or
other loved ones do as well. This ain't always the case; my
partner may prefer kind
words--at least as a prelude to
touch--and kind words may not be as important for me to
receive or
may not be my natural inclination to
offer.
Couples truly often are like the proverbial
"ships passing in the night." One is speaking one love
language and the other is speaking another. It would be
like one partner speaks French and the other
only speaks
and understands Italian. It usually doesn't start off that
way. Typically, early in a
relationship--in the
"infatuation phase" we may be speaking nearly all the love
languages. Eventually,
things tend to settle into our most
early and natural ways of expressing and receiving love.
Most of these patterns are formed early in childhood.
For example, perhaps our parents showered us
with gifts so
we learned that "gifts equal love" and we may have had fond
memories of such. Thus, we
may grow up giving gifts to
others to express that same love, or giving gifts to ourselves
to reward or s
oothe ourselves, or we may expect and crave
gifts from others in order to feel they really love us, too!
But a partner's primary way of expressing love may be very
different.
In other cases, we may focus on what we
didn't receive in early life and become fixated on that; we
may have gotten nice gifts but never got kissed or hugged
or never felt we were given quality time.
Thus, we often
crave an expression of love which we lacked; again, our
partner may or may not be
able to provide this naturally,
consistently, or powerfully.
So, I highly recommend
this book as a provocative and playful catalyst toward
discovering more
about yourself and your loved ones. The
good news is that, through communication and practice, you
and those close to you may be able to adapt,
focus and practice the ways that best work for giving
and receiving love.
Happy Valentine's Day! Whether
you're with a partner or not or whether your relationship is
going great
or has been hitting some rough patches, The
Five Love Languages might just be the book that opens
up a new window of possibility for
you.
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Compulsive Theft & Spending in The
News! January/February
2010:
January 1--Mr. Shulman had
an article in the Jack Hayes, International Loss Prevention
quarterly newsletter. See http://www.hayesinternational.com/srvcs_prdcts.html
January
11--Mr. Shulman was interviewed on hoarding by Boston-based
Karen Kenney, a
professional organizer, on her
radio/Internet show. See http://www.theorganizingcheerleader.com
January
12--Mr. Shulman was featured in an article about shoplifting
in The Kansas City Star.
January 15--Mr. Shulman was
featured in an online article on compulsive shopping/spending
in the
San Francisco-based XPress Magazine.
See http://www.xpress.sfsu.edu
January 19--Mr. Shulman was interviewed on
an Internet radio station devoted to parenting
issues.
See http://www.parentcoachsusan.com
/ http://www.AttendThisEvent.com/?eventid=10140132
January 21--Mr. Shulman was interviewed
about compulsive shopping/spending in The Atlanta
Journal
Constitution.
Mr. Shulman is assisting the Baton Rouge,
Louisiana court system a court-ordered three
hour
facilitated educational program for retail fraud
offenders. The program is based on material from
his book
"Something for Nothing: Shoplifting Addiction and Recovery"
(2003).
Beyond
February...
Mr. Shulman is to
be featured in an article on shoplifting addiction and youth
in the April 2010 edition
of Seventeen
Magazine.
Mr. Shulman to be featured on self-publishing
and creating a counseling practice/business
at http://www.makeitdetroit.com
Mr. Shulman submitted a chapter on employee
theft for a U.K. book entitled "Risky Business" to
be released in early 2010.
Mr. Shulman
created an online continuing education course on compulsive
shopping and
spending called "Bought Out and $pent!"
based on his book and Power Point presentation.
The course
is offered through The American Psychotherapy Association
and is available for purchase
by APA members and
non-members and CEs are available.
See http://www.americanpsychotherapy.com/
Mr.
Shulman created an online education course called "Creating an
Honest and Theft-Free
Workplace" based on his book
and Power Point presentation through 360 Training Services.
CEs are available. See www.360training.com
Mr. Shulman is assisting with a CNN TV news
story about compulsive shopping/spending in
today's
economy.
Mr. Shulman will be featured in a
segment on shoplifting addiction in the MSNBC series "Theft
in
America" to air in late 2009/early
2010.
Mr. Shulman is consulting on the
development of a major motion picture tentatively called "The
Rush"
in which the lead character is addicted to
shoplifting and stealing.
Mr. Shulman continues to assist the
Kingman, Arizona court system with his
court-ordered home-
study program for retail fraud
offenders. The program is based on material from his
book "Something for
Nothing: Shoplifting Addiction
and Recovery" (2003).
Mr. Shulman is
consulting with an author who is writing a novel about two
kleptomaniacs who fall in
love with each
other.
Contact The Shulman Center
Terrence Shulman
P.O. Box
250008
Franklin, Michigan 48025
E-mail:
terrenceshulman@theshulmancenter.com
Call (248) 358-8508 for free
consulation!
Related sites by Terrence
Shulman:
www.theshulmancenter.com
www.kleptomaniacsanonymous.com
www.shoppingaddictions.org
www.shopliftingaddictions.com
www.terrenceshulman.com
www.shopaholicsanonymous.org
www.employeetheftsolutions.com
www.somethingfornothingbook.com
www.bitingthehandthatfeeds.com
www.boughtoutandspent.com
Books:
Something For
Nothing
Biting The Hand That Feeds
Bought Out and
$pent
Products for Purchase--ON SALE through
2009!
Mr. Shulman's three books
"Something for Nothing: Shoplifting Addiction & Recovery"
and "Biting The Hand That Feeds: The Employee Theft
Epidemic... New Perspectives, New Solutions," and "Bought Out
and $pent! Recovery from Compulsive $hopping and $pending" are
availabe for $25.00 each (includes
shipping/handling).
Second International Conference on
Compulsive Theft & Spending 2 DVD set (6 Hours). Recorded
9/08. $100.00.
Click here to purchase
E-mail Mr. Shulman:
terrenceshulman@theshulmancenter.com
or
Call (248) 358-8508
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