The Shulman Center on the move and in the news… June 6, 2015–Launch party for Unsteal.org non-profit organization which facilitates safe and anonymous financial retribution from those who have stolen to those they have stolen from. Launch party evening of Saturday June 6, 2015 in Buena Park, California (just south of Los Angeles). See: Launch! June 11 and 12, 2015–Mr. Shulman presents on hoarding disorder at the annual Ohio Chief Probation Officers conference in Columbus. June 18, 2015–Mr. Shulman presents on hoarding disorder at The Community House in Birmingham, MI. 7-9pm. $26 fee. July 21, 2015–Mr. Shulman presents on hoarding disorder at The Berkley, Michigan Public Library 6:30-8pm. Free July 24, 2015–Mr. Shulman will present on social worker ethics from 9am 12noon and on cultivating honesty and integrity in our children from 12:30- 3:30pm at Jewish Family Services in West Bloomfield, MI. Either 3 CEU seminar$45 registration; both for $90 (6 CEU hrs credit / includes lunch). Must reserve. May 2, 2016–Mr. Shulman presents on hoarding disorder at The Livonia, Michigan Public Library 7-8:30pm. Free Please Follow us on Twitter @terrenceshulman or @TheShulmanCenter and Facebook at The Shulman Center. NOTE: If you’re a therapist, please consider contacting us to enroll in our brief, affordable local or virtual training to become more proficient at assessing and treating compulsive stealing, spending & hoarding disorders.See Shulman Center Training.
WORLD GONE WILD? Headlines Continue to Expose Liars, Thieves and Cheats by Terry Shulman
What do we tell our children (or even ourselves) when, far too often, the news reveals more and more acts of lying, cheating and stealing–and not just by the “common criminals” but by those we often look up to as role models, trusted servants and those we once admired and respected? Do we tell our kids (our even ourselves) that they’re the exception? That you do the crime you’ll do the time? Don’t put anyone up on a pedestal? Is anyone really shocked anymore by anything? Probably very few of us. It’s gotten so bad that we’re surprised when someone doesn’t get in trouble or, at least suspicious that they just didn’t get caught. When individuals, teams, or companies are caught red-handed–and confessions are oh so rare–it seems like most of them slough it off like so much dry skin. And even if we collectively put them in The Hall of Shame, it sure seems like that (dis)honor doesn’t have much of a shelf-life until they’re right back at it, fade into the shadows like slithering snakes, or soon get replaced by the next transgressor. Just a few of the more recent examples include the following: –New England Patriots star quarterback and recent Super Bowl MVP Tom Brady for his alleged role, denial and obstruction in the NFL’s “Deflate-Gate” rule breaking; –A continued barrage of police officers not only using questionable excessive and/or deadly force against “suspects” but, often, caught lying about the circumstances when confronted with video evidence to the contrary; –At least 14 high-ranking members and promoters of FIFA–the international football (aka futbol aka soccer) organization (yeah, the one that puts on The World Cup every four years) for bribery, kick-backs, and more; –Former U.S. House Speaker Dennis Hastert (R-IL) indicted on multiple counts for bribery, tax evasion, and an alleged sexual relationship with a minor I doubt there are many of us who look at how dysfunctional and adversarial our governments are (which are mostly still “run” by men) and wonder: where are the grown- ups? –And, better late than never, a record $5.6 billion fine paid to Uncle Sam by 5 of the biggest and wealthiest banks (JPMorgan Chase, Citigroup, UBS, Barclays, and the Royal Bank of Scotland) to settle corruption charges arising from the currency manipulation scam they ran from 2007 – 2013 (2013?!) One of the most shocking things about each of these cases (and the countless others in the past and, presumably, future) is that very few of them will result in any significant penalties. In some ways, I guess I’m lucky… I already had my fall from grace in my 20’s–arrested twice for shoplifting and knocking myself of my own pedestal. I’m lucky that I found a better path as a result of my misdeeds, namely, recovery. I’m lucky that, as I turn 50 this month, I’ve had 25 years of no great slip-ups that have led to embarrassments (public or private) which have diminished my reputation (though there’s been a few close calls and I still get anxious every once in a while that I’ll do something stupid, let everyone down (including myself), and witness all I’ve built crumble. But, most of all, in this increasingly dishonest world, I guess I just feel lucky that I don’t have kids.
ON FATHERS AND TURNING 50 by Terry Shulman My father’s birthday (June 19th) always falls around Father’s Day. He died 22 years ago at age 53 less due to bad genes and more due to bad lifestyle and complications addictions and other resulting illnesses. I’m about to turn 50 (June 27th) and it would be cool if I could celebrate my 50th birthday with my father. I’ve noticed my sense of my own mortality slowly creeping into my thoughts. I’ve talked to many men whose fathers had died and who became increasingly at least mildly anxious about whether they’d outlive their father’s age at death. Now I get it. Since men tend to die on average of 8 years earlier than women, chances are good that many of us are spending this Father’s Day without the physical presence of our fathers, and it’s more common for children (including adult children) to be estranged from their fathers than their mothers. There’s a bad joke that goes: “Why do men die younger than women? … Because they want to.” The sad truth is that far too many men see and feel life as a burden and have trouble tapping into the deep joy, awe and meaning of life… even just their own lives. I’ve felt this myself and I have no doubt my father did as well. It’s been said that many of us have grown up with a “father hunger” due to the not uncommon lack of exposure and nurturing by the positive masculine. Countless single mothers did more than their fair share to “fill the gaps” left by the physical, emotional, and/or spiritual presence of fathers, including mine; my parents divorced when I was 11 and my brother was 5. I’m not a father in the biological sense. I haven’t actually raised any children, though I took a frequent role as “understudy” to my brother and, later, my half-brother. I made mistakes with them and I’d have made even more if I were actually a father. I never expected my Dad to be perfect–yet, somehow, I came to expect this of myself–just present, reliable, healthy, and happy. Just before my father died, I was fortunate to find a male therapist who introduced me to men’s group work. I quickly and repeatedly learned I was hardly alone in my “father hunger.” I also learned that neither a father nor a mother can be everything a child needs and about the value of community and mentoring and the importance of giving and receiving blessings from older men (and older women). I did much grieving and a lot of anger work. I came to see the good in my father and the not-so-good in myself. This has helped me find some acceptance, forgiveness, and peace. My father–and later, my stepfather–have taught a lot through their examples (some I embrace and some i refute) and I’m sure they did the same with their respective dads. And in a certain respect, I’m becoming a father … to myself. Sometimes I’m a stern father; sometimes, tender. I have the opportunity to mentor other men–through my counseling or through friendship. It would be nice if my father were here to celebrate my 50th birthday. It would be nice to have his actual blessing as I reach the milestone where, in many traditions, I’ll be recognized as an elder. On Father’s Day, I’ll spend time with my stepdad, brother, and my 13-year old nephew; on my birthday, with most who are near and dear to me. Fathers are important. Fathers matter. We could always benefit more good fathering in our own lives and as a culture. So I honor my father and all the fathers, living and dead, over countless generations. I choose to be tender and forgiving, appreciative and praising of imperfect fathers everywhere. That’s the kind of father I’d want–and that’s the kind of father I strive to be… to me. NEW NON-PROFIT LAUNCHES! Helps Facilitate Safe, Anonymous Retributions Dear friends, please consider assisting me and a colleague of mine who are heading up a newly launched non-profit organization called Unsteal.org and please attend our official launch party on Saturday June 6th south of Los Angeles, CA.
See: Launch Party! The purpose of Unsteal is to offer retribution for any past theft by collecting money and returning it to the victims. Initially, we are using a website to host actual transactions but we plan to launch a mobile app. for iTunes and Google Play soon. To ensure the safety of our users we’re cooperating with retailers at a corporate level, along with local officials, to protect users from prosecution as a result of an Unsteal transaction. Similar to the police’s “no questions asked” gun collection drives to reduce overall crime, we will gain support from law enforcement to give the public a chance to return something stolen with no fear of punishment. How You Could Be of Help… We are looking for reputable people who have some connection to the issues of theft reduction to offer some preliminary opinions/quotes about our project and mission. Please see one example below and email me if you feel willing to offer a positive statement or quote and if we can use your name and position. Thanks! Email me at: terrenceshulman@theshulmancenter.com. See: Opinions Needed NEW BLOG AND 365-DAILY MEDITATION BOOK For Shopaholics and Compulsive Shoppers by Susan B. I am a gratefully recovering member of Debtor’s Anonymous (DA), abstinent one day at a time using the H.O.W. principles since April 25, 2009. I came into DA in 1999. A few years later, after paying off over $22,000 in credit card debt through working the DA program, I thought I had the answer and left the program. I was able to maintain my sobriety with money for a couple of years, but eventually, the straw house collapsed and I reverted to my old debting ways. In March 2009, My son was getting ready to go off to college and thankfully, I had prepared by putting money into a college plan for his tuition … but never thought about the rest – housing, food, etc. – which would total nearly $10,000 per year. His father wasn’t willing to contribute. In addition, I had accumulated another $34,000 in credit card debt. And I continued justifying out-ofcontrol debting and spending despite diminishing lines of credit. Though I became sober in 1990 and abstinent from compulsive eating in 1998, it became clear that I was still a liar about money. The situation turned desperate and I could no longer fool myself about what I was doing. It was devastating, and I felt like my whole life was collapsing around me, and I wouldn’t be able to send my son to college, which I had promised myself I would do from the day he was born. This, in addition to the wreck I was making of the rest of my life and finances. And so I went back to DA and found myself at the Thursday evening DA HOW phone meeting. I cut up all my credit cards the next day. I was terrified, but haven’t looked back and haven’t had anything happen that I couldn’t fund somehow or delay. This is truly one of the miracles of the program. Today, I can say that I paid cash for all four years of my son’s college tuition and for the first two years of his living expenses. He worked and got student loans for the rest, and graduated in 2013. Thankfully, he is not a compulsive debtor and is on track to have his entire student loan paid off at the end of 2015. I have paid down over $28,000 of my $34,000 debt. Plus, I have savings accrued. But the biggest miracle of all is that I was able to do all of this despite having to go on disability in 2010! There is no way I would be surviving … much less living within my means … especially under my current health circumstances if it weren’t for DA. See Susan B.’s website at: Debt-Free (DIS)Honesty by Robin Pogrebin (NY Times 5/20/15) “The reality is,” says Dan Ariely, a Duke University professor, “we all have the potential of being bad.” It is this provocative idea that runs through the documentary “(Dis)Honesty – The Truth About Lies,” opening on Friday in New York, which Mr. Ariely and two others produced with the filmmaker Yael Melamede. Through the candid testimony of public figures and regular people – and also relying on expert opinions, behavioral experiments and archival footage – the film explores thorny questions like why people lie, how they do it and what is the fallout. What quickly becomes clear is that the leap from little white lies to insider trading is not that far. “When you look at what those people did at the end, you say, ‘My goodness, I can’t imagine ever doing something like that,’ “
said Professor Ariely, who specializes in psychology and behavioral economics and who serves as a guide through the film. “But when you look at what they did at the beginning, you say, ‘I can see myself doing that.’ It is a story about a slippery slope.” Professor Ariely has been immersed in the subject of human behavior as the author of best-selling books like “The Honest Truth About Dishonesty.” Judging by the reactions of critics at screenings, the film has struck a nerve. “Any era is a good one for liars, but folks on every point of the moral or political spectrum are likely to agree: We are living in a fibbers’ renaissance,” Dennis Harvey wrote in Variety. “As Yael Melamede’s documentary notes, various bendings of the truth have among other things recently led us into war, crashed the economy, and allowed potentially catastrophic despoiling of the planet to continue more or less unchecked.” Indeed, the film was prompted in part by the misdeeds of the mortgage crisis, and it turned out to be all too timely. Two days after it was completed, news broke about the NBC News anchor Brian Williams embellishing a tale about a helicopter journey in Iraq. Then last month, 11 educators were convicted of racketeering and other charges for their roles in Atlanta’s standardized test cheating case. The film includes interviews with Marilee Jones, the former dean of admissions at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, who lied about her academic credentials; Joe Papp, a former professional cyclist who pleaded guilty to distributing performance-enhancing drugs; and Kelley Williams Bolar, an Ohio mother who lied about her home address so her daughters could attend school in a better district. “We avoided extremes – we didn’t do the Madoffs of the world and stories of incredible poverty,” Ms. Melamede said. “We thought the bigger takeaway is people who are more like us, not psychopathic and not desperate.” See rest of article at: (DIS)Honesty SPOTLIGHTS: unsteal.org unsteal.org is a non profit organization collecting retributive funds from potential past thefts and returning funds to retail merchants. We started in October 2014 and are filed the official paperwork. The IRS recently approved our non-profit 501(c)(3) status.
History One day a repenting thief went to a department store to pay for a stolen perfume set he couldn’t afford for his girlfriend’s birthday 5 years prior. The cashier was startled by the apparent confession of a crime and desire to pay back in cash, risking prosecution depending on the statute of limitations and quantity. AWKWARD… Many people have stolen an item from a retailer and would likely return the cost if there was a convenient way to do it instantly from a website or app. There is an amazing reward from retribution and unsteal.org is the website for the world to return anything stolen. We already own the domain name and launched it on a shared host server for the next 14 months. Please help us get started with the legal paperwork for the state and federal government and eventually change theft forever on a global scale! You are all beautiful people and even if you have pain and guilt, you can find moments to shine. Try this! Vision The purpose of Unsteal is to offer retribution for any past theft by collecting money anonymously and returning it to the victims. Initially, we are using a website to host actual transactions, but we plan to launch a mobile app. for iTunes and Google Play by March 10, 2015. To ensure the safety of our users we’re cooperating with retailers at a corporate level, along with local officials, to protect users from prosecution as a result of an Unsteal transaction. Similar to the police’s “no questions asked” gun collection drives to reduce overall crime, we will gain support from law enforcement to give the public a chance to return something stolen without any fear of punishment. Please visit: www.unsteal.org
New Blog and Book For Shopaholics and Compulsive Shoppers Getting Out from Going Under Susan B. is a gratefully recovering member of Debtor’s Anonymous (DA), abstinent one day at a time using the H.O.W. principles since April 25, 2009. She has a wonderful website and blog for those recovering from compulsive shopping, spending, buying and debting. She also recently published (2015) one of the only 365 Daily Meditation books on financial sobriety. Please visit her website at: Financial Sobriety
Psychologist Releases Text Messaging Program For Shopaholics and Compulsive Shoppers Shopaholics and compulsive buyers have a new resource for help. New York psychologist, April Lane Benson, Ph.D., releases an innovative, interactive text-messaging program that directs, inspires, and motivates shopping addicts to stop overshopping. The program is tailored specifically to each participant’s overshopping profile and it provides daily, personalized support when and where overshoppers and impulsive shoppers need it the most. Text messaging is now being used to help people with a variety of physical and mental health issues, including diabetes selfmanagement, weight loss, physical activity, smoking cessation, and diminished alcohol consumption. Although this area of research and practice is relatively new, there has been consistent evidence that text messaging interventions that use tailored messages and offer the user the opportunity to text the system for immediate support are the most successful. The Stopping Overshopping Text Messaging Program incorporates both of these features. To learn more about The Stopping Overshopping Text Messaging Program, see: http://www.shopaholicnomore.com/text-program/ Please see: http://www.shopaholicnomore.com/text-program Write on My Mind Mental Health Project Welcome to WriteOnMyMind.com-a safe place for the mind to speak. This website is part of a broader global initiative, The Surviving Suicide Project, a partnership of the National Alliance on Mental Illness of Collier County, Florida, USA, (NAMI-CC) and author Deena Baxter. As Baxter explains, “After losing our youngest son to suicide in 2012 – death by mental illness – I felt like I was living through my own reality TV series of “Survivor”. That reality launched me on a mission, a search for “Normal”. I desperately needed some company and I was lucky to find the NAMI-CC. I am still searching and invite you to join me. For too long, the stigma of mental illness and impairment has kept it cloaked in darkness and denial. This places an additional burden on those who live with it every day, plus their family members and loved ones. Many of these adults, teens and children are seeking to live full, productive lives. They are successfully integrating their mental health challenges into their daily life but don’t wish to be defined by them.” You have come to a place that gives mental illness a lifeaffirming voice-a virtual, global community where visitors can find helpful resources and be inspired by the many different ways the mind can speak-in words and in art. This website was inspired by the NAMI-CC Anything Goes: Art-From-The Heart Project that resulted in the artwork included in Baxter’s book-SURVIVING SUICIDE: Searching for “Normal” with Heartache and Humor. Visual art can be a powerful communicator, beyond words. It can send a message if we are open to it, and it can heal. See: www.writeonmymind.com Jack L. Hayes, International, Inc. Based out of Florida, Jack L. Hayes, International is a loss prevention and corporate consulting group that has been helping clients for over 30 years. Founded by Jack Hayes, who is now semi-retired (and who gave an in-depth interview about theft in my book “Cluttered Lives, Empty Souls”), the company is now headed up by long-time point-person, Mark R. Doyle. Hayes International has clients around the world and is recognized for their Annual Jack Hayes Retail Theft Survey of large corporations. This survey tracks the prevalence and trends of shoplifting and employee theft and is widely cited (including by me). Hayes International also is known for their long-standing quarterly newsletter which has several articles about loss prevention and related issues. I’ve been honored to have had several articles included in their newsletter. Please see their website at: www.hayesinternational.com “In Recovery” Magazine There’s a wonderful quarterly recovery magazine I want to let you know about. It’s called “In Recovery.” Founded 2 years ago by Kim Welsh, a recovering person herself, in Prescott, Arizona– home to many treatment centers and half-way houses, this magazine has something for everyone. I visited Kim in October 2013 and was honored to be invited to write a regular column about process/behavioral addictions–starting Spring 2014. The magazine is available in hard copy as well as online at: www.inrecoverymagazine.com 3rd Millenium STOPLifting Online Education Course! 3rd Millenium Classrooms out of San Antonio, TX has been offering high-quality online education courses for alcohol, marijuana and shoplifting issues for many years now. I’ve been honored to help them fine-tune and update their shoplifting course which many are court-ordered to complete after an arrest. 3rd Millennium Classroom’s STOPLifting is an online intervention course designed to assist shoplifters in examining and altering their attitudes and behaviors towards shoplifting. The course incorporates evidential examples and related follow-up questions to discover the student’s motives behind shoplifting, reveal possible patterns in his or her behaviors, and identify potential triggers and ways to cope. Through STOPLifting’s unique motivational interviewing style, students are encouraged to evaluate the personal consequences of shoplifting and how they affect the individual, his or her family and those around him or her. See: www.3rdmiclassrooms.com Castlewood Eating Disorders Treatment Centers I was privileged to tour Castlewood Treatment Center near St. Louis in August 2014 while in town for a conference. Castlewood also has centers in Birmingham, Alabama and in Monterey, California. They have been around for over a decade and have a great reputation and great staff. See: www.castlewoodtc.com Clutter-Hoarding National Clean-Up Services See: http://www.clutterhoardingcleanup.com/ Honesty is its own reward.–Anonymous Walk in peace. The Shulman Center 2014 Ongoing Events Calendar Ongoing … The Baton Rouge, Louisiana court system has a court-ordered, facilitated educational program for retail fraud offenders. The program is based on material from Mr. Shulman’s book Something for Nothing: Shoplifting Addiction and Recovery. Mr. Shulman created a 1-hour employee theft online course with360 Training. Learn why people steal from their jobs, how to deter it, prevent it, and what to do when confronted with it. Enroll at: http://theshulmancenter.360training.com Mr. Shulman created an online continuing education course on compulsive shopping and spending called Bought Out and $pent! based on his book and Power Point presentation. The course, CEs offered, through The American Psychotherapy Association. at: http://www.americanpsychotherapy.com “In Recovery” Magazine There’s a wonderful relatively new quarterly recovery magazine I want to let you know about. It’s called “In Recovery.” Founded 2 years ago by Kim Welsh, a recovering person herself, in Prescott, Arizona–home to many treatment centers and half-way houses, this magazine has something for everyone. I visited Kim in October 2013 and was honored to be invited to write a regular column about process/behavioral addictions–starting Spring 2014.The magazine is available in hard copy as well as online at: www.inrecoverymagazine.com 3rd Millenium STOPLifting Online Education Course! 3rd Millenium Classrooms out of San Antonio, TX has been offering high-quality online education courses for alcohol, marijuana and shoplifting issues for many years now. I’ve been honored to help them fine-tune and update their shoplifting course which many are court-ordered to complete after an arrest.3rd Millenium has partnered with Terrence Shulman and The Shulman Center on this course. See: www.3rdmilclassrooms.com RESOURCES OF NOTE… THE SHULMAN CENTER THERAPIST TRAINING PROGRAM! If you’re a therapist and wish to be trained & certified in the assessment/treatment of compulsive theft, spending and/or hoarding, CONTACT THE SHULMAN CENTER NOW! See: http://www.theshulmancenter.com/counselor-training.html 3rd MILLENIUM STOPLifing ONLINE EDUCATION COURSE! 3rd Millenium Classrooms out of San Antonio, TX has been offering high-quality online education courses for alcohol, marijuana and shoplifting issues for many years now. I’ve been honored to help them fine-tune and update their shoplifting course which many are court-ordered to complete after an arrest. Please check out their courses on their website at: www.3rdmilclassrooms.com IN RECOVERY MAGAZINE–PRESCOTT, ARIZONA There’s a wonderful relatively new quarterly recovery magazine I want to let you know about. It’s called “In Recovery.” Founded 2 years ago by Kim Welsh, a recovering person herself, in Prescott, Arizona–home to many treatment centers and half-way houses, this magazine has something for everyone. I visited Kim in October 2013 and was honored to be invited to write a regular column about process/behavioral addictions–starting Spring 2014.The magazine is available in hard copy and online at: www.inrecoverymagazine.com GET A BOOST with MONEY LIFE-COACHING Tom Lietaert of Sacred Odyssey and the Intimacy with Money programs offers individual money coaching as well as various group workshops on money. Check out Tom’s two websites at: www.sacredodyssey.com / www.intimacywithmoney.com CONSULTING AND EDUCATION ON FRAUD Gary Zeune of Columbus, Ohio has been a friend and colleague of mine for nearly two years. He has been a consultant and teacher on fraud discovery and prevention for nearly 30 years. He is interviewed in my book Cluttered Lives, Empty Souls: Compulsive Theft, Spending & Hoarding. I recently saw Gary in action recently when he presented an all-day on fraud to metroDetroit accountants. See: www.theprosandthecons.com RECOVERING SHOPAHOLIC BLOG AND EDUCATION Debbie Roes is an educator and recovering shopaholic and offers a free insightful blog and e-Newsletter to help you. See: http://www.recoveringshopaholic.com THE FLY LADY ASSISTS WITH CLEANING & DECLUTTERING I recently was told about a website resource that lists strategies for cleaning and de-cluttering and sells various books and products that help with this; so, I’m passing it along… See: www.flylady.net CASTLEWOOD EATING DISORDERS TREATMENT CENTERS I was privileged to tour Castlewood Treatment Center near St. Louis in August 2014 while in town for a conference. Castlewood also has centers in Birmingham, Alabama and in Monterey, California. They have been around for over a decade and have a great reputation and great staff. See: www.castlewoodtc.com
Mr. Shulman’s books available for purchase now! Click here to shop amazon.com Something for Nothing: Shoplifting Addiction and Recovery (2003) See also: www.somethingfornothingbook.com Biting The Hand That Feeds: The Employee Theft Epidemic… New Perspectives, New Solutions (2005) See also: www.bitingthehandthatfeeds.com
Bought Out and $pent! Recovery from Compulsive $hopping/$pending (2008) See also: www.boughtoutandspent.com Cluttered Lives, Empty Souls: Compulsive Stealing, Spending and Hoarding (2011) See also: www.clutteredlives.com Contact The Shulman Center: Terrence Daryl Shulman, JD, LMSW, ACSW, CAADC, CPC Founder/Director, The Shulman Center for Compulsive Theft, Spending & Hoarding P.O. Box 250008 Franklin, Michigan 48025 E-mail: terrenceshulman@theshulmancenter.com Call (248) 358-8508 for a free consultation! Our Web Sites: The Shulman Center Shoplifting Addictions Kleptomaniacs Anonymous Something For Nothing Shopping Addictions Shopaholics Anonymous Bought Out and Spent Employee Theft Solutions Biting the Hand that Feeds Hoarding Therapy Hoarders Anonymous Terrence Shulman
Books by Terrence Shulman: Something for Nothing:Shoplifting Addiction and Recovery Biting The Hand That Feeds:The Employee Theft Epidemic Bought Out and $pent! Recovery from Compulsive $hopping and $pending Cluttered Lives Empty Souls: Compulsive Stealing, Spending and Hoarding All book are available for $25.00 each (includes shipping and handling). Click here to purchase.