FALL: Embracing The Season of Change
by
Terry Shulman
Change is ever-present, yet fall/autumn is known as the season of change. In about two months we will have an election and there will be dramatic change no matter what. Some of us are anxious about change, some of us are looking forward to change. Some of us may feel that the more things change, the more they stay the same.” We’ve all heard the famous saying: “the only thing that’s certain is change.” While most of us know this, most of us still don’t like it and have trouble accepting change. I include myself!
Change can feel particularly jarring when it seems to arrive not of our own conscious choices. Change can be frightening when we have to change our beliefs as well as our actual modes of operating. Real change can feel like death: death of our former selves. We need new paradigms for meeting change-individually and collectively-if we are to evolve. We may have to change our ways of “doing business as usual”-in our actual businesses as well as in our relationships, managing our health, and in other dimensions of our lives. From a place of deep acceptance, from a total alignment with the way things are, grounded in love, rooted in the undulating breath. We have a tendency toward complacency and settling back into old routines, whether this is the case with addiction relapses or old ways of thinking.
Even the word “fall” as in “autumn” conjures not only the image of falling leaves but, perhaps, of allowing ourselves to fall, or surrender, in order to rise, move forward, and grow. So, as we enter the fall season-the season of change-we may either be resisting change or hoping and praying for change. Or maybe a little of both. As summer fades and we naturally begin to tum inward with the fading temperatures, we might as well embrace or allow ourselves to “fall forward” into transformation. After all, life is calling us forward…. not backward. We have a tendency toward complacency and settling back into old routines, whether this is the case with addiction relapses or old ways of thinking. As we just passed the 16th anniversary of the September 11th terrorist attacks, we might recall how-for a short period of time-we felt that event “changed everything.” Or think about the recent hurricanes… or the Las Vegas shooting.
Yet, I suspect for most of us, life eventually went on and we returned to the more trivial, mundane and essential concerns of our own particular lives. We may either be resisting change or hoping and praying for change. Or maybe a little of both. As summer fades and we naturally begin to tum inward with the fading temperatures, we might as well allow ourselves to “fall forward” into transformation. In Neale Donald Walsch’s book When Everything Changes, Change Everything (2009) Walsch talks about how change can feel threatening to our very notions of safety and security. However, change is also inevitable (“the only thing that is certain is change”). Change is how we grow. The only question is whether we evolve or regress. Sometimes it seems we need to regress before we evolve. Walsch defines change this way: “Change is the shifting of any circumstance, situation, or condition, physical or non-physical, in such a way that the original is rendered not merely different from what it was, but altered so radically as to make it utterly unrecognizable and impossible to return to anything resembling its former state.” Does this resonate with you? Real change can, indeed, feel like death: death of the former self.
Eckhart Tolle, in his books The Power of Now and A New Earth, uses the term “pain-body” to describe “a negative energy field that occupies your body and mind… and which has two modes: active and dormant.” The pain-body can be activated through stressful times, “in intimate relationships, or situations linked with past loss or abandonment, physical or emotional hurt, and so on… The pain-body wants to survive, just like every other entity in existence, and it can only survive if it gets you to unconsciously identify with it. It can then rise up, take you over, ‘become you,’ and live through you… Pain can only feed upon pain. Pain cannot feed on joy… You are not conscious of this, of course, and will vehemently deny that you want pain.” Tolle goes on to speak about how to approach dissolving or transmuting the pain-body. He states we can only do so by acknowledging its existence and by continuing to observe it and have compassion for it. This is true when we are dealing with addictions which are akin to pain-bodies themselves as they wrap themselves around us and trap us in fear and distorted thinking which leads to the relative inability to step out of our dramas to see the truth of who we really are and the options and choices we have. Indeed, the word addiction comes from a Latin word meaning “to imprison.”
Speaking of prison, one of the most dramatic ways in which we imprison ourselves is through living secret lives. Therefore, one of the most dramatic ways we can find new freedom may be to take a risk by sharing intimately with someone something we have previously kept secret. As author Brene Brown reminds us: “vulnerability is actually strength”-not usually how we think or operate. In my counseling work with clients as well as in my own participation in recovery self-help groups, I regularly witness the struggle people have in “coming clean” about their history of stealing and/or overspending. I have been there myself. I just leamed that a friend in longtime recovery still hasn’t told her spouse about her addiction history. While it is certainly her choice, I can only imagine the pain, fear, and shame she holds closely inside of her. I recently counseled a married couple in coming “out of the shadows” and revealing the extent of their secret lives with their respective spouses. It was both frightening and liberating to them. They each expressed relief at feeling a load off their shoulders-and real change and transformation became possible. One of my favorite sayings is “we’re only as sick as our secrets.”
So, in what ways do you feel change beckoning you? Health? Finances? Employment? Relationships? Moving? New projects or goals? Remember: we can delay or resist change-which just results in stagnation. Or we can do our best to welcome it and know that change is inevitable and is how we truly grow.
C.A.S.A.
(Cleptomaniacs And Shoplifters Anonymous)
Celebrates 25-Year Anniversary!
by
Terry Shulman
September 6, 2017 marked a special date in my life personally and, perhaps, a special date for others as well. It was 25 years ago (in 1992) that I founded the first C.A.S.A. (Cleptomaniacs And Shoplifters Anonymous) support group in Southfield, Michigan-just outside Detroit. I had no idea if the group would get off the ground showed up 14 consecutive Wednesday nights before our first member showed up just before Christmas!
We celebrated our 25th Anniversary meeting with over 30 members and several family members there to support. We also had a local journalist sit in-with the group’s pre-approval-to write an article about our group and our milestone anniversary.
25 years later, we’re still meeting in our original space at a Unitarian Church and have five weekly chapters in metro-Detroit and two more in other parts of Michigan. By my estimate, we’ve had about 2,500 people come through our doors-most of them court-ordered. I can’t begin to describe the incredible stories I’ve heard from people who felt so scared and ashamed when they attended their first meeting that they almost didn’t come through our doors. Most found a home (or “casa”) in our meeting rooms where they could share and listen, learn and grow, and begin to understand their actions and make the changes necessary to heal their toxic shame and live “more happy, healthy, and productive lives” as noted in our charter statement which we read at the start of our meetings.
In addition to our local groups, C.A.S.A. has slowly but steadily expanded across the U.S. There are now about 20 meetings in about ten other states. I also founded the CASA-online support group 17 years ago in 2000 which currently has 300 members from across the globe! Others launched three weekly phone conference groups over the last several years. It is my vision that every state has at least one C.A.S.A. group…then every major city. These groups really make a difference not only to the individuals who attend them but to the countless lives that are improved when a person begins to heal.
I’ve made several great friends through C.A.S.A. I’d like to acknowledge three of them who have passed away: Fran S., David N. and John P.. They each took tums leading the group(s) in its early years. Fran’s recovery was remarkable. At age 60, after nearly 40 years of shoplifting, she tumed her life completely around. For David, his recovery was less even, resulted in many relapses, loss of his law license, marital separation, and increased psychiatric issues. John co-facilitated our flagship group for nearly ten years until passing away just over a year ago in his late 50s.
All in all, It’s been a great 25 years. I don’t know what the future holds but I hope the next 25 years will see C.A.S.A. grow! Please feel free to contact me if you have any interest in starting a C.A.S.A. group in your area. In the meantime, here is a list of our North American groups: Go C.A.S.A.!
TRICK or TREAT!
Did They Really Think They’d Get Away With It?
(Updated Edition!)
by
Terry Shulman
It must be getting close to Halloween because a lot of skeletons have been coming out of the closet. Is it me, or does it seem like there’s more scandals, secrets, frauds and plain stupidities making the headlines than ever before? We have two candidates for president who have the lowest approval ratings (especially on the question of honesty of character) in modern times.
We’re living in an age of ubiquitous cameras, hacking, gossip, and Internet Incriminating Information Investigations. And, yet, whether out of greed, expediency, hubris, or a reckless drive to be Number 1, they fall, fall, fall. Especially for individuals and companies in high positions, you’d think they’d never gotten the memo: “Don’t do it! It ain’t worth it! Leam from the mistakes of others!”
One most recent scandal involved Equifax, one of the world’s largest credit monitoring services. They recently got hacked and nearly 150 million subscribers’ most sensitive personal information was compromised. Reports suggest that Equifax knew about its vulnerability to hacking but didn’t quickly put into place safeguards that likely would have prevented this. Further, reports also suggest that Equifax knew about the breach for nearly a month before making the news public. What were they thinking? Like Enron, are these the “smartest guys in the room” or the dumbest? The most dishonest or the most ambitious? The most creative or the most delusional?
Another recent example of hubris lies with Facebook. CEO Mark Zuckerberg is being called before Congress to answer for Russia’s use of Facebook over the last two years or so-through taking out ads, using trolls and bots, and distributing “fake news”-which likely influenced the outcome of our recent presidential election. Zuckerberg first cavalierly denied any concerns as “ridiculous.” He recently apologized and said he’ll change things to make Facebook more “safe.” Oh, and reports suggest that he recently changed policies and procedures at his company which previously forbid him from seeking public office while still in charge of Facebook. Scary.
Finally (but not really), Tom Price, the former U.S. Secretary of Health and Human Services, just resigned over a private charter plane flap which cost U.S. taxpayers nearly $1million. Of, course, Treasury Secretary Stephen Mnuchin has been criticized for the same thing as has Secretary of the EPA Scott Pruitt. Oh, and then there’s the recent revelation that Jared and Ivanka Kushner (and several other Trump staff) have been using private email servers for official governmental business-the same thing Hillary Clinton was attacked for.
So, what does this all mean? Is it simply greed? Do we ever learn? Is humanity as we know it doomed? I hope not. Of course, there are still a lot of good, ethical people out there-we just don’t tend to hear about them in the news. For whatever reason, scandal sells. I know that I have had many ethical lapses in my 50 years and try very hard not to hold myself out as perfect: I’m not. But while we all have our Achilles heels, vulnerabilities and temptations, I would hope that we could slow down more-or even come to a complete stop- -and “play the tape through” before we commit such terrible mistakes.
As Stephen Dubner and Steven Levitt write in their several bestselling “Freakonomics” books, all human behavior (and,, perhaps, animal behavior, too?) can be explained by one word: “incentives.” So, yes, there are our more base incentives to cheat, steal, lie, etc; to get ahead, win some reward or avoid defeat or punishment. But aren’t there also our higher incentives to “do the right thing” because it keeps our conscience clear, limits the risk of future discovery and crisis, pays in the long run, and builds trust and reputation? Whatever happened to the old saying: your reputation is your most important and valuable asset; without it, you’re nothing.
Many theorists believe that most people aren’t dishonest at heart nor have been groomed to be dishonest at a young age. Rather, they suggest that it usually takes a certain combination of events to line up that might make even the most ethical person break. If there are certain pressures (financial and/or other), access or opportunity, and a perception of minimal risk of discovery… it’s a coin flip.
As a species, are we becoming greedier, more desperate, more impatient, more unsatisfied with anything but the best? The stats and trends are scary. Our youth are exhibiting more and more dishonest tendencies and, even more troubling, don’t seem to be that concerned about their own ethics. Why do we think that is? Maybe because most of their role models aren’t very good role models? Parents, your kids are watching you! Some studies have drawn a correlation between creativity and “criminality” in that people who are creative often can’t help but think outside the box and about new ways to do things, including finding shortcuts and loopholes. It’s not that “simple” people are always honest and not all neurotic, intellectual, and complicated people (like me) are always dishonest.
I like the 12-Step slogan “keep it simple.” Keeping a code of ethics-don’t lie, don’t cheat, don’t steal-seems like it should be so easy, but, obviously, it isn’t. So, are we going to be focusing on tricks or treats? All we can do is be the change we wish to see in the world.
Japanese Doctor Who Is Translating My Shoplifting Book
To Visit Me in Detroit This Week
by
Terry Shulman
Dr. Hiroshi Okuda, a psychiatrist at Irabu General Hospital in Kanagawa, Japan contacted me by email about a year ago. He stated, in decent English, that he’d read my book Something for Nothing: Shoplifting Addiction and Recovery and wanted to translate it into Japanese and find a publisher to distribute it in Japan. He said he had worked with patients who had “kleptomania” or other theft-related behaviors that seemed complex and difficult to treat. He noted that there is a lot of stealing in Japan, including shoplifting. We’ve kept in touch and he’s emailed me translation passages over the last two months.
Recently, he informed me that he will be in the United States in October for business and to visit a friend and that he’d like to stop by and meet with me here in metroDetroit. We are planning to do so. Here is a recent email that Dr. Okuda sent me giving me a little background about “kleptomania” history in Japan…. History of
shoplifting/kleptomania treatment from a “therapist” in Japan who is coming to visit me in October and who has been working with me on translating my book “Something for Nothing” into Japanese to, hopefully, have it published in Japan next year.
The history of treatment of kleptomania or shoplifting addiction in Japan as far as I know In 1990s Dr. Takemura happened to find increasing number of patients with kleptomania or shoplifting addiction in Akagikogen hospital which he had founded as a mental hospital specializing the treatment of dependence and addiction. It is situated about 60 miles north to Tokyo. He found many kleptomania patients with eating disorder. He initiated group therapy for kleptomania and reported that in the home page of Akagikogen hospital in 2000. Then the influx of such patients occurred and many legal professionals including lawyers showed interest on that.
Dr. Takemura has also advocated at various places in Japan that kleptomania needs treatment and punishment cannot have any effects to prevent further thefts. In the form of admission as a treatment only Akagikogen hospital, having 110 beds, offers it in Japan still now. In recent years nearly half of hospital beds are for kleptomanias. And at the satellite outpatient clinic in Tokyo Dr. Takemura sees patients on Friday. 90% of his outpatients are kleptomanias. He reports that up to now his hospital and satellite clinic have seen 1700 cases. He is in his 70s. He asked me 3 years ago that there were certain numbers of kleptomania patients from Hokuriku district where I live. He asked assistance of me to help them to support their recovery at my outpatient clinic. I thought I should help him. I have seen 30 cases up to now. Besides Akagikogen hospital and my outpatient clinic I suppose there are more than 10 outpatient clinics and mental hospitals which provide treatment to kleptomania or shoplifting addiction. Now we have 21 kleptomania’s anonymous (KA) groups at certain areas in Japan, but sadly none in my district. Under these circumstances we need your book!
Hiroshi O.