IT’S A #WONDERFUL LIFE
Powered by likes and public approval, how social media is squandering the holiday spirit
by
Jim McFarlin Detroit HOUR Magazine
December 3, 2018
In part, Amber Lewis, director of digital and social media for the City of Detroit, is responsible for romanticizing the city’s winter wonderland throughout the holiday season. “During the holidays,” she says, “we’re pushing the tree lighting, we’re pushing different holiday activities, and we look at who engages with us, because that’s important.” Lewis and her team of two maintain near constant contact with over 60,000 followers across Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, YouTube, LinkedIn, Nextdoor, and Spotify.
“Have yourself a merry little #Christmas,” reads one city Twitter post. “It’s officially the holiday season in #Detroit! The Christmas tree at @CampusMartius has been lit!” declares another. Despite a cheery tone and well wishes for local followers, for some social media subscribers, the more they see online of glittering party outfits, giddy families unwrapping presents around the tree, the annual ski trip to Aspen the unhappier they may become.
“The holidays, even though they’re an extremely enjoyable time for the majority of us, can also be a time when a lot of difficult memories come up,” says Charlie Starkman, limited license clinical psychologist at New Oakland Family Centers in Farmington Hills. Though historically, the holidays have presented significant challenges for those who have experienced loss or grief, Starkman adds that a new source of angst during the holiday season, particularly for millennials, is presented by an element that has become the crux of our society in recent years: social media.
“With social media, we’re seeing people’s lives as though they’re perfect,” Starkman says. “When we see these pictures, videos, Snapchats, they can bring up feelings of depression, envy, shame, and guilt. We place so many unrealistic expectations on ourselves.”
Maureen Bernard, clinical therapist for Jewish Family Service of Metro Detroit with locations in both Oak Park and West Bloomfield, details research on what she calls “Facebook envy.” A 2017 study published in the American Journal of Epidemiology found that both “liking” the content of others and clicking on links predicted a reduction in self- reported physical health, mental health, and overall life satisfaction. The study also concluded that the observed declines in well-being were a result of quantity of use, not just quality. “People post their holiday photographs, all their presents, their beautiful tree,” Bernard says. “What’s really difficult is if there is estrangement in the family or a recent breakup, where you can see how much better they seem to be doing without you.” She reminds patients experiencing anxiety or insecurities triggered by visuals seen on social media that people are inclined to post what they want others to see. “People are only putting their best foot forward.”
And in her book iGen: Why Today’s Super-Connected Kids are Growing Up Less Rebellious, More Tolerant, Less Happy-and Completely Unprepared for Adulthood- and What That Means for the Rest of Us, University of Michigan alum and San Diego State University professor Jean Twenge (rhymes with hinge) coins the term iGen for those born between 1995-2012. She writes, “It’s not an exaggeration to describe iGen as being on the brink of the worst mental health crisis in decades. Much of this deterioration can be traced to their phones.”
In an effort to overcome social media’s Scrooge effect, metro Detroiters are working to get fellow locals off of their phones and into the holiday spirit in real time. Rock Ventures, arguably downtown’s largest employer of millennials, offers a dizzying array of outdoor markets, exhibits, and other activities to create an offscreen community among its workforce. “We want our people to enjoy the holiday spirit, the positive energy of being downtown,” says Francesca “Frenchy” George, Bedrock Detroit director of retail development.
Terrence Shulman, founder and director of the Franklin-based Shulman Center for Compulsive Theft, Spending & Hoarding, says, “I remind my clients to focus on the true spirit of the holidays. Creativity, gratitude and appreciation, miracles and wonder, giving from the heart, renewal.”
As for Lewis, positive affirmations via the City of Detroit’s social media channels will always be available for those hesitant to unplug.
May Your Days Be Merry & Bright
More pro tips for a jolly season
Plan ahead: “What are you going to do? What are your problem areas?” Bernard asks. “Is this a good time to binge- watch movies, or time to put on your favorite Motown music and clean out a closet? Charitable organizations always need help over the holidays, but those volunteer jobs get snatched up fast. So, plan ahead.”
Tune in to your emotions: “Before going onto social media around the holidays, check in with how you’re feeling.” Shulman advises. “If you think posts of friends and family engaging in holiday activities will make you angry, envious, or sad, hold off. Wait until you’re in a better emotional place.” Or, as Bernard states, “If you know turning on social media has pissed you off the last three Christmases in a row, don’t do it.”
Set a timer: Buy one of those kitchen timers mom used to have or use your cell phone and limit your daily time on social media. “The more time we spend in front of the screen, the easier it is to get sucked in,” Starkman says. “Spend no more than 30 minutes on social media, then turn off the computer, put down your phone. Putting limits on yourself can be really helpful.”
Seek human contact: Starkman calls this “behavioral activation.” Seek out like-minded social media sufferers or others who’ve boldly gathered with strangers for the holidays. For example, Jonathan Kung, chef at the Kung Food Market/Studio in Eastern Market, hosts a Christmas Day Orphans Dinner open to fellow members of the food and beverage industry. “A lot of us aren’t close to family so we make our own,” Kung says. “And with the hot-pot format, people can come anytime throughout the day.” Sites like meetup.com may also be a good place to start.
Throw a pity party then move on: “There needs to be acceptance that, I’m going to feel a little sad and it’s OK. because I miss my loved one, or I regret I was never able to have the family I wanted,'” Bernard says. “Whatever the realities of your life are, own them, accept them. You have some control over what you do with it.”
SOME TIPS FOR SURVIVING THE HOLIDAYS
by
Terry Shulman
- If you choose to shop, shop early, before the crowds hit.
- Go through your belongings and see if there are any gifts you can re-gift or recycle.
- Remember the spirit of the holidays–it’s not about the things, it’s about the joy and shared experience with key family and friends.
- If you have few family or friends and you’re worried about loneliness, be proactive and find local support group meetings, other open gatherings/events, and make a plan to attend some: you might just make a new friend or two.
- Stop and remember what has happened and how you felt when you were in your addiction during holidays past. Did you shoplift or steal from work and feel guilty? Were you arrested or fired from a job for stealing? Did you break your budget and regret it later, starting the new year stressed out? Did you feel ashamed to have friends or family over because your home was a disaster zone? KISS–Keep It Simple Silly!
- If you have kids and you’re feeling pressured to buy for them, stop and remember what you’re teaching them.
Remember when you were a kid, it’s most likely your best memories are about the activities and the time
together you spent with loved ones, not the stuff you got! Be creative and get kids engaged in activities they’ll
cherish forever. Take photos. Have fun! 7. If you feel lack due to finances or other issues in your life, consider volunteering (and bring the kids, too, if you have them) at a homeless shelter, soup kitchen, or donating Toys for Tots (again, recycle gifts if need be). Bring a smile–safely and responsibly–to the lives of those less fortunate. - Don’t abuse alcohol, drugs or food: they’re a waste of time, energy and money. Have a plan to get some moderated exercise, get some outdoor fresh air, eat healthy, get enough sleep, and find some quiet solitude.
- If getting together with family/friends brings up difficult emotions, choose either not to attend or minimize the time spent with them and “book-end” your visits with calls to support people or meetings before, during, and after your visit.
- Set a budget that works for how much you can spend comfortably on yourself and others.
- Oh… and don’t forget to breathe….
Own less. Live more. Finding minimalism in a world of consumerism.
Is It Time for Us to Rethink How We Give Gifts?
WRITTEN by JOSHUA BECKER
“Twenty-five years ago, Christmas was not the burden that it is now. There was less haggling and weighing, less quid pro quo, less fatigue of body, less wearing of soul; and, most of all, there was less loading up with trash.” -Meredith Deland in Harper’s Bazaar, 1904
Giving gifts is an expression of love, and it has been for thousands of years. Well before our consumer-driven society, people offered gifts as a sign of respect and admiration. Kings, peasants, and everyone in-between.
This is not an argument for no longer giving gifts to people we love. I think giving gifts is great. But I do think it would be wise for us to rethink how we give them.
And the sooner, the better:
28% of shoppers are entering the holiday season still paying off debt from last year’s gift shopping!
Over 50% of holiday shoppers either overspend their holiday budget or do not set one at all.
Consumers who went into debt over the holiday season racked up an average of $1,054 in new debt over the timeframe.
I suppose this might be okay if our gifts were legitimately enriching the lives of other people. But the statistics say otherwise:
53.1% of people report to receiving unwanted gifts during Christmas.
$16 billion is wasted on unwanted gifts every year.
Some reports indicate up to 18% of gifts are never used by the person who receives them. 4% are immediately thrown into the trash.
Whenever I speak on minimalism and take questions afterward, the two most common questions are 1) How do I implement minimalism in a family? And 2) How do I handle and/or tell loved ones to stop giving me so many gifts?
And none of this even begins to mention the amount of stress and worry piled on to the holiday season with our attitudes toward gift-giving.
As someone recently said to me, “Thanksgiving may be my favorite holiday season. It’s got family and food and tradition. It’s just like Christmas, but without the gift-giving expectations and stress.”
I think it’s time we rethought how we approached the act of gifting gifts during the holiday season. Our current approach is not benefiting the people we love, nor is it adding to the joy of the season.
Times have changed.
For one, material goods exist in far greater excess than ever before. Consider this, human beings own more “things” today than at any point in human history. In America, the average home has tripled in size in the last 50 years. And still 10% of Americans rent offsite storage to house their stuff… and an even higher percentage can’t park their car in the garage because it’s too full. We’ve reached peak-stuff. People don’t want more, they want less (the growth of this blog and the minimalist movement over the years since it began stand as proof).
Additionally, and probably more important, very few people wait for the holidays to receive what they want anymore. Because goods have become so accessible and inexpensive, a high percentage of people just go buy whatever they want, whenever they want. This leads to countless moments of saying, “I don’t know what to get he already has everything.” I can remember that phrase being said 30 years ago. But nowadays, it’s true about far more people than ever before.
I honestly think it’s time for us as a society to start rethinking our holiday gift-giving attitudes.
This has happened before. Most historians trace our current attitude toward Christmas shopping back to the 1850’s. This may seem like a long time ago. But 150 years, compared to the timeline of human history, is not all that long.
Our thinking as a society toward gift giving has changed in the past, and it can do so again.
How do we bring about this change?
- We keep the conversation alive. Share this article. Or share others that are similar. Start the conversation among your friends and family members.
- Control what you can. Request a change in what you personally receive. Ask for no gifts this year or ask that the money be donated to a charity rather than spent on clutter.
- Look for buy-in among like-minded people.
Before buying a whole bunch of stuff for your loved ones this holiday season, ask if your loved ones even want a whole bunch of stuff this holiday season. (tweet that)
Or look for new traditions in your family. Maybe you only buy gifts for people under the age of 18. Or decide to limit the amount of gift-giving stress by drawing names, rather than everyone buying gifts for everyone else.
Approach the conversation with your family. Many families have changed how they give gifts, and most people are thankful for the change. It usually just takes one person to approach the others with a new idea. But now is the time to have that conversation. - Find new ways to give gifts. Look to consumables, experiences, or pooling money for one significant gift rather than piles under the tree.
- Find new ways to make the season memorable. Holidays are important. They establish tradition, stability, and shared experiences among family members. Look for new ways to promote memories (time together, meals together, religious experiences together) that do not center around stuffing used wrapping paper into a trash bag.
It will take effort to change societal expectations around our current gift-giving habits-especially with the amount of money being spent to encourage it. But we can start with our families, and allow them to enjoy the freedom of new expectations first.
A FEW 2018 HOLIDAY SEASON
Shopping Trends & Predictions
A lot of people will shop for the holidays! And they’ll buy online! And they will look at their phones a lot, too!
Duh.
It’s that time of year again, folks, when we retail reporter types can sometimes spew breathless pronouncements on the sometimes not-so-revelatory predictions pundits make on the make-or-break holiday selling season, when merchants generate a disproportionate chunk of their annual sales.
The National Retail Federation expects holiday retail sales in November and December excluding automobiles, gasoline and restaurants to rise between 4.3% and 4.8% over 2017, for a total of $720.89 billion. The forecast compares with an average annual increase of 3.9% over the past five years.
“The combination of increased job creation, improved wages, tamed inflation and an increase in [consumers’] net worth all provide the capacity and the confidence to spend,” the NRF’s chief economist Jack Kleinhenz said, in a statement.
Armando Roggio of Practical ECommerce recently predicted the following:
The Christmas shopping season will be here before you know it. Shoppers begin making holiday purchases as soon as October. Those earlier purchases could help drive online sales to a new record in 2018.
For the past five years, I have made a few holiday sales predictions. For 2018, I am betting on early shopping, mobile commerce, voice shopping, and free shipping.
- Black Friday, Cyber Monday Week Will Be 37 Percent of Total
For 2018, I predict that the period between Thanksgiving Day (November 22) and Saturday, December 1 (the end of Cyber Monday week) will represent 37 percent of total U.S. holiday retail sales.
For the past several holiday seasons, purchases have started sooner and peaked earlier. For example, according to an Adobe Digital Insights report, Black Friday, a single day, represented 4.6 percent of total U.S. retail revenue for the holiday season. Meanwhile, Cyber Monday represented 6.1 percent of total holiday retail sales.
2. Mobile Sales Will Be 52 Percent of Total
Mobile commerce continues to grow. So I am not alone in this prediction. After mobile’s exceptional performance during the 2017 Christmas season, every prognosticator in the industry is betting heavy on mobile’s continued success. I see no reason to buck the trend.
We might even see particularly strong mobile sales on Thanksgiving Day. The scenario goes something like this. A shopper wants to take advantage of Black Friday deals, which will start around noon on Thanksgiving Day. But that same shopper has to have three Thanksgiving meals one at her mom’s house, one at her husband’s mom’s house, and one at the house of her pushy friend, who won’t take no for an answer. All of that feasting cuts into shopping time, so she’ll make purchases from her phone when she has a spare minute or two.
3. Voice Shopping Will Be 3 Percent of Sales
Digital voice-driven assistants will impact U.S. retail ecommerce sales during the 2018 Christmas season. My best estimate is that something like 3 percent of purchases will be made via voice device.
One possible key to this trend will be the use of Alexa skills voice apps that enhance Alexa devices. And several retailers have already developed skills that can help shoppers buy online with just a few words.
Underlying this trend is the fact that many Americans have and use voice-driven assistants. For example, according to the Pew Research Center in 2017, 46 percent of Americans used one of these devices. Pew Research said in 2017 that about 46 percent of Americans used a digital voice-based assistant.
4. More Than Half of Holiday Orders Will Include Free Shipping
This is the second time in the last five years that I have made a prediction around the percentage of online orders that include free shipping. Last time around, in 2017, this was a bit hard to measure. Nonetheless, there are many indications that shoppers still love free shipping. With holiday shopping starting earlier, a large portion of those shoppers might find they are eligible for free (slow) shipping since the orders should still have plenty of time to arrive before Christmas.