Married to Recovery
by
Terry Shulman
My wife Tina and I are about to celebrate our 15year wedding anniversary on August 8th. According to some traditions, the 15year wedding gift is crystal. Who made these up? All I can say is that I have learned a lot about myself, my partner, and relationships over the last 15 years of marriage and 18 years together; and something tells me I ain’t done learnin’ yet!
My parents were divorced when I was about 11 years old and my wife’s parentsas she likes to say should’ve gotten divorced before they even started having kids! Like many or most of us, my wife and I didn’t have the best role models for marriage growing up. But I think what has kept us together is a combination of love, respect, good friends (including many couples), and a continued willingness to work on and look at ourselves. I can also say that without at least a foundation of recovery in my life, my marriage would have been over long ago.
My wife took a chance on me when, during our second date back in 1999, I divulged my history of shoplifting addiction. She could have simply said, “Check, please!” But she appreciated my honesty and commitment to my recovery. Little did we know that, over the 15 years of our marriage, I would come to dance with other addictions including codependency, work, TV, Internet, and even food! Fortunately, we have pretty open communication and she expressed her concerns and I could (at least eventually) hear and address them. Staying recoveryminded in relation to all addictions is imperative in keeping marriage honest and clean. When I’m not caring for myself or living a secret life and pulling away from my beloved, divorce becomes increasingly likely.
As we approach the 15year mark, my wife and I have had enough time to see each other’s warts and develop a myriad of petpeeves with each other. We’ve also let each other in enough to know each other’s tender spots and core issues. We recognize that no marriage is “perfect” in the sense that it’s always loveydovey and issuefree; instead, we’ve come to appreciate that marriage is a divine opportunity to become more aware of ourselves, to heal and grow, to practice patience and gentleness, to hold the torch for each other’s magnificence and to continue to learn how to give and receive and be love (intimacy). It’s the journey not the destination! I’ve been married to recovery for over 27 yearsabout 12 years longer than my wife. But recovery is not a jealous mistressrecovery loves that I am married; nor is my wife jealous of my recovery or the time I devote to it, for it gives me half a chance to be the man and husband I dream to be.
Japanese Doctor Who Is Translating My Shoplifting Book
To Visit Me in Detroit in October
by
Terry Shulman
Dr. Hiroshi Okuda, a psychiatrist at Irabu General Hospital in Kanagawa, Japan contacted me by email about a year ago. He stated, in decent English, that he’d read my book Something for Nothing: Shoplifting Addiction and Recovery and wanted to translate it into Japanese and find a publisher to distribute it in Japan. He said he had worked with patients who had “kleptomania” or other theftrelated behaviors that seemed complex and difficult to treat. He noted that there is a lot of stealing in Japan, including shoplifting. We’ve kept in touch and he’s emailed me translation passages over the last two months. Recently, he informed me that he will be in the United States in October for business and to visit a friend and that he’d like to stop by and meet with me here in metroDetroit. We are planning to do so.
Here is a recent email that Dr. Okuda sent me giving me a little background about “kleptomania” history in Japan….
History of shoplifting/kleptomania treatment from a “therapist” in Japan who is coming to visit me in October and who has been working with me on translating my book “Something for Nothing” into Japanese to, hopefully, have it published in Japan next year….
The history of treatment of kleptomania or shoplifting addiction in Japan as far as I know
In 1990s Dr. Takemura happened to find increasing number of patients with kleptomania or shoplifting addiction in Akagikogen hospital which he had founded as a mental hospital specializing the treatment of dependence and addiction. It is situated about 60 miles north to Tokyo. He found many kleptomania patients with eating disorder.
He initiated group therapy for kleptomania and reported that in the home page of Akagikogen hospital in 2000. Then the influx of such patients occurred and many legal professionals including lawyers showed interest on that. Dr. Takemura has also advocated at various places in Japan that kleptomania needs treatment and punishment cannot have any effects to prevent further thefts. In the form of admission as a treatment only Akagikogen hospital, having 110 beds, offers it in Japan still now.
In recent years nearly half of hospital beds are for kleptomanias. And at the satellite outpatient clinic in Tokyo Dr. Takemura sees patients on Friday. 90% of his outpatients are kleptomanias. He reports that up to now his hospital and satellite clinic have seen 1700 cases. He is in his 70s. He asked me 3 years ago that there were certain numbers of kleptomania patients from Hokuriku district where I live. He asked assistance of me to help them to support their recovery at my outpatient clinic. I thought I should help him. I have seen 30 cases up to now. Besides Akagikogen hospital and my outpatient clinic I suppose there are more than 10 outpatient clinics and mental hospitals which provide treatment to kleptomania or shoplifting addiction.
Now we have 21 kleptomania`s anonymous (KA) groups at certain areas in Japan, but sadly none in my district. Under these circumstances we need your book!
Hiroshi O.