The Shulman Center 2004-2018:
Celebrating 15 Years of Pioneering Service
What A Journey It’s Been!
by
Terrence Daryl Shulman,
Founder/Director
As we launch our newly updated and re-designed websites this month, we’re excited to mark our 15th year here at The Shulman Center. It’s been an incredible personal and professional journey and we truly appreciate all those trusted us, been helped by us, and all those who’ve supported us along the way.
We’d like to think we’ve made a difference in the lives of individuals, families, and the culture at large in the way we look at and understand compulsive stealing, spending and hoarding. And, yet, we still have a long way to go in terms of seeing more resources and options for those seeking help for these disorders and, even more so, in realizing our mission statement: We envision and work toward creating a world of emotional and financial health and balance, of honesty and deep self-esteem and self-worth for all.
Some of our highlights over the last 15 years include the following:
We’ve written and published four books (on shoplifting addiction, employee theft, compulsive shopping & spending, and hoarding disorder) and have had part of one of our books translated into Polish and one of another book translated into Japanese.
We’ve counseled approximately 1,500 clients–an average of 100 per year: roughly 50% for shoplifting issues; 25% for compulsive shopping & spending; 10% for employee theft; 10% for hoarding; and 5% for other forms of theft.
We’ve participated in over 100 local, national, and international media appearances (TV, radio, and print).
We’ve conducted over 150 local and national presentations on compulsive theft, spending and hoarding at various venues.
We’ve consulted on several local and national “theft awareness” online education courses.
We’ve collaborated with the non-profit organization www.unsteal.org which acts as a conduit to provide anonymous and confidential opportunities for shoplifters to return up to $200 per transaction back to merchants they have stolen from as part of a secure online amends process.
We’ve trained 25 therapists to more effectively work with compulsive theft, spending and hoarding and helped bring inclusion of these disorders to several national treatment centers.
We’ve helped expand local, national, telephone & online recovery support groups for compulsive stealing (our flagship C.A.S.A. (Cleptomaniacs And Shoplifters Anonymous) group in metro-Detroit will be 26 years old next month).
We’ve helped numerous judges and probation officers–locally and nationally–agree to alternative sentencing for numerous defendants who likely would have been incarcerated without real help or hope.
And we assisted in bringing C.A.S.A. support groups into Michigan’s only women’s prison in 2013.
There’s much to do and more to accomplish. But we like to think the future is brighter than it was in 2004 for this growing field of study, research, education, and treatment for compulsive theft, spending and hoarding.
Again, it’s been an honor and a privilege to transform the lives of those we’ve seen and those we’ve never met. Pass it on…. We can only keep what we give away.
My Social-Media Shopping Habit Cost me $98,000 in 6 Months!
Inside One Writer’s Struggle with a Disorder That Most People Don’t Know Exists
by
Carla Sosenko
Cosmopolitan Magazine July 26, 2108
This is going to get serious, but first: a cartoon bear. There’s an old line from Winnie-the-Pooh that says, “Although eating honey was a very good thing to do, there was a moment just before you began to eat it which was better than when you were…” That’s exactly what shopping is like for me.
Since the beginning of this year, I have spent $98,000 on shoes, clothes, furniture, and other stuff I can barely remember now.
Admitting to blowing that much money is terrifying, especially since I haven’t talked to friends or family about this in a serious way, but I’m more terrified that if I don’t hold myself accountable, that number will get even bigger.
WHEN I’M ABOUT TO BUY SOMETHING, I CAN’T FOCUS ON ANYTHING ELSE.
Trying to explain what it feels like to be a compulsive shopper means picking any random day as an example, because they’re all the same. So here’s a recent one: I saw a woman with a cute Balenciaga tote. I knew it was Balenciaga because it said “Balenciaga” in big letters on the side. That was the point, of course-otherwise, it would just be a canvas bag. In all my time on shopping sites, I’d never seen it. I felt the excitement of a new quest, the moment before the honey.
I plugged some descriptors into Google and quickly found it. Then because it cost $1,100, I tried to forget it.
There I was, a few hours later, on my couch with a glass of white wine prowling for the tote the way some people look for cat videos. I went from site to site unsuccessfully trying to find a sale. I decided to move on. But just to another bag. This time, a white leather one. It was about the same price, but I told myself it was a smarter investment because it would go with everything and could hold my laptop. I already had, I don’t know, 30 other bags that fit my computer. But not that one. I added it to the cart.
This is when the shift began and a sort of manic state set in-when I’m about to buy something, I can’t focus on anything else. My mind starts rushing. Should I buy this bag? Should I go back to the other bag? Should I buy neither? It’s just a bag, but the anxiety it brought was real. I convinced myself that I could still walk away, that I hadn’t actually done anything yet. But I wanted this. Actually, it felt like something a lot closer to need.
And as it always does, the next part happened fast. I put my thumb on the screen, felt the click of ApplePay-like a tiny heartbeat-and immediately felt calmer, albeit with a sense of worry circling just close enough to be uncomfortable about the amount I was spending.
By the time the bag arrived a day or two later, I barely cared about it. That’s because for those of us living with a compulsion to shop, it’s not about the buy, it’s about the buying. I tossed it into an ever-growing mound of things I felt compelled to purchase. By then, I was already thinking about all the other things I ordered. Stuff arrived at my apartment nearly every day. I had windowsills stacked with sunglasses, chairs piled with clothes, and a closet full of new outfits.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY ENABLERS. APPLEPAY AND PAYPAL MEAN I NO LONGER NEED TO WALK TO MY PURSE TO
RETRIEVE MY CREDIT CARD.
The same scenario played out for me all the time. It could be a pair of No. 6 sandals, a Mansur Gavriel bag, Barton Perreira sunglasses-anything to complete my Brooklyn cool-girl uniform.
It didn’t help that I was surrounded by enablers. ApplePay and Paypal mean I no longer need to walk to my purse to retrieve my credit card. There’s always something new to acquire, as evidenced by the posts of picture-perfect influencers and the ads that fill my social media feed. I live in New York City, so I can even pay for same-day delivery on certain sites. I get emails about things I’ve left in my cart, out-of-stock merchandise that’s available again, and markdowns on items I’ve been eyeing. And the Internet is open 24/7. Once I managed to put a pair of $800 Chloé boots into my cart in a half-asleep haze. The next morning, I was confused about how they’d gotten there.
I know what you’re thinking: This isn’t a real problem. I’m just a privileged consumer who needs to exercise some willpower. I tell myself those things constantly, too. The truth is, many of us who shop compulsively do it because of other problems that are real (for me, it’s anxiety and depression). To manage that pain, we develop a coping mechanism. But my coping mechanism became its own problem and I’m not making excuses when I say I couldn’t stop.
I have always been a shopper. I inherited my mother’s passion for consumption, as she inherited it from her mother. I grew up going to department stores where salespeople knew our names. “When you find something you like,” my mom says, “get two.” For the longest time, shopping seemed harmless.
My need to spend never affected my relationships or career, and although I’ve had a few sizable credit card bills over the years, I was always able to pay them off. I’ve had good jobs and exceedingly generous parents.
In January 2017 I’d just left a job I loved and started one I didn’t when I began to manage my anxiety with stuff. Things accumulated around my apartment, and I felt an increased detachment and mindlessness to my shopping. By the beginning of this year, I felt particularly low, and the increasingly ugly political landscape exacerbated those feelings.
I SOMETIMES FOUND IT COMFORTING TO THINK, MAYBE I’LL GET HIT BY A BUS AND WON’T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT IT.
I leaned in hard to my habit. I figured I was soothing myself and not doing anything truly dangerous, like gambling or drugs. Except.
Suddenly my credit card bill was so high that I didn’t have enough money to cover it. In addition to shopping more often, I’d been shopping bigger. Whereas a $400 dress once seemed like an indulgence, suddenly I owned styles that hovered near the $2,000 mark. I told myself they were investments-I was lying.
Small payments on my bill anytime I got a paycheck did little to chip away at my growing balance, and yet I did not stop. Every time I made a purchase I became so preoccupied with worry I would lie in bed at night doing math in my head-counting up the things I’d bought, calculating how much I spent, figuring out how I could possibly pay it all off. If shopping had been a form of self-care, it had pretty squarely moved into the realm of self-harm.
Then I had an idea: I have an investment account that I can access without penalty. It’s for retirement, but I figured one withdrawal wasn’t a big deal.
Of course what initially felt like a get-out-of-jail free card quickly morphed into permission to keep spending. Another withdrawal followed, and then another. Each email to my money manager was increasingly apologetic, as if I were seeking complicity in something criminal. “Hi!” I’d write cheerily. “I spent more money on vacation than I thought. Oops! 🙂 Hopefully this is the last time I email you!”
FOR WOMEN, ESPECIALLY, IT’S TREATED AS SOMETHING OF A SPORT, NOT AN ADDICTION.
My retirement fund was disappearing. I pictured myself old and alone, struggling to survive financially, because I’d wasted all my money on stuff. I’ve never been suicidal, but I sometimes found it comforting to think, Maybe I’ll get hit by a bus and won’t have to worry about it.
I was in debt and didn’t have a clear way out. The worst part is that I never needed to be-l wasn’t taking out loans for college or a down payment on a house. I had spent my money frivolously. I was angry and ashamed.
Compulsive buying disorder (CBD) is not listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manuel of Mental Health Disorders (DSM), a manual created by the American Psychiatric Association to help classify and diagnose mental health conditions.
“It’s a controversial arena,” says Robert Bilder, Ph.D., a professor of psychiatry and biobehavioral sciences at UCLA. “I think CBD’s not being studied as much, or as well, because there is a stigma associated with it that people who are afflicted should simply stop, but the problems are more complicated than that,” Bilder says
When you purchase something, the hit of dopamine you get creates a chemical response called a “shopper’s high.” If you could look inside your brain during a buying frenzy, it would be a firework show of happy hormones-buzzing, bouncing, and blazing. For some, that feeling is addictive and becomes the thing that can solve a bad day, mask an emotion, fill a sense of hollowness.
“Shopping is legal, and it’s greatly encouraged, so people are skeptical-it’s like, oh, we’re calling everything an addiction now,” says Terry Shulman, LMSW, a mental health counselor and founder of the Shulman Center for Compulsive Theft, Spending and Hoarding, which offers counseling services for those struggling with CBD and related disorders. “It’s assumed the person is materialistic or a poor money manager. But CBD can really get people in trouble.”
SHOPPING AS A COMPULSION CAN LEAD TO DEBT, HOARDING, MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES…
Just like other addictions, shopping as a compulsion can lead to debt, hoarding, mental health issues, strained personal relationships, and problems at work, says Shulman, who is himself a recovering addictive-compulsive shoplifter.
But society positions shopping as something we’re supposed to do to make ourselves feel better (ahem, retail therapy) or even stimulate the economy. And for women, especially, it’s treated as something of a sport, not an addiction. It’s that belief that prevents many women from taking their out-of-control shopping spiral seriously and creates a sense of shame that prevents many of them from seeking help.
This summer, I knew I had to do something about my problem. I couldn’t believe I’d spent almost $100,000 in six months.
So I quit shopping cold turkey. I unsubscribed from all the store emails I received daily-about 20-and removed all the shopping apps off my phone. And I decided I’m no longer allowed to tap into my retirement account, that I would have to feel the pain of what I’d done in the form of credit card interest.
It was surprisingly easy at first. I allowed myself to buy one T-shirt emblazoned with the words “Resist. Insist. Persist.” It seemed like more of a political statement than a fashion splurge, and I didn’t feel tempted for a bender. Sometimes I did miss the rush of a buy, but overall, I felt stable.
Then, one afternoon, an old friend and I ended up in an intense conversation about the state of our relationship and realized we had been mad at each other for a long time. Later that night, I sought out comfort in the form of two bathing suits, two dresses, and a pair of sunglasses.
This time, though, I returned almost everything.
Here’s the good news: I’m more in tune with my behavior than ever before. I’ve started talking to my therapist of 13 years about my spending-a topic I’d always avoided in the past. And while I still have a $9,000 balance on my credit card, I’m focused on paying down what I owe.
That white bag I previously bought is too heavy. I’m always worried about it getting dirty or damaged. But I carry it everywhere-both as a reminder of my compulsion, and because I certainly won’t be getting a new one.
You Could Be An Online Shopping Addict: Here’s Ho To Tell
by
Lorie Konish
CNBC Online July 25, 2018
You could be an online shopping addict. Here’s how to tell
- As online retailers sweeten deals for consumers, experts say more shoppers are at risk for becoming addicted to online shopping.
- Watch for key symptoms that show your online shopping is getting in the way of other areas of your life, particularly your time and money.
- Take steps to curb your spending, including blocking favorite retailers’ sites and taking your credit card information offline.
Shopping online can be as easy as click, click, buy. But if you don’t watch out, it could become a habit that wrecks your finances.
The combination of anonymity, the convenience of not having to go to a store and the variety of products available can fuel online shopping addiction, according to April Lane Benson, a psychologist specializing in compulsive buying disorder.
“All of these are triggers for people who are compulsive buyers,” said Benson, who is also the author of the book “To Buy or Not to Buy: Why We Overshop and How to Stop.”
Those tendencies can be hard to fight as online retailers sweeten deals through events such as Amazon Prime Day and other flash sales.
And psychologists and financial experts alike say they have seen an uptick in patients and clients who struggle with these habits.
Financial advisor Winnie Sun, founder of Sun Group Wealth Partners, said she sees bad online shopping habits forming especially among her millennial and Gen X clients.
“The default is, ‘I’ll just Amazon it,” Sun said. “They don’t really take the time to shop or compare price. “For them, it’s all about immediate gratification,” she added.
Older individuals are also fueling their online shopping habits via mobile phones, tablets and computers, said Terrence Shulman, founder and director of The Shulman Center for Compulsive Theft, Spending and Hoarding.
And both women and men fall prey to these tendencies, Shulman says.
Signs you have a problem
Online shopping addicts may get emotional satisfaction from shopping for different reasons.
That can include needing to portray a certain image, getting a thrill from finding deals or even the need to buy for loved ones, according to Shulman.
“If it starts to become more of a regular thing more time, more energy, spending more than you wanted to – you want to keep an eye on that,” Shulman said.
Often family or friends will be first to point out a problem. And if your loved ones are expressing concern, you should take note, Shulman said.
Other warning signs include hiding your purchases to make sure someone else does not see or intercept them; having trouble keeping track of your budget or falling behind on bills; running out of room to store all of your purchases; or showing up late, or altogether, missing social or work events so as not to miss out on an online deal.
Getting back on track
Shopping addicts could be turning to purchases to sooth the impact of other problems in their lives marital issues, work problems or big, unexpected changes.
“It’s like looking for love in all the wrong places,” author Benson said. “Shopping is never going to, in an enduring way, meet your need for love and affection.”
In addition to confronting those triggers with the help of a professional, there are steps individuals can take to curb their spending.
Sun, of Sun Group Wealth Partners, said she will typically require clients who have a tendency to overspend to leave their purchases in a corner of a room for a week.
“If you don’t touch it for a week, that means you can live without it,” Sun said.
And because it’s frustrating and embarrassing to return things, those clients eventually get to the point where they do not make as many purchases, she said.
For everything you buy, assess how much you really need the item. If you’re eyeing $300 black boots, and you already own several pairs, that purchase is likely entirely unnecessary, Benson said.
Other tricks to help curb your shopping, according to Shulman of The Shulman Center, include setting a time limit for how long you can shop, restricting your budget to exclude online purchases, putting a blocker on certain websites and taking your credit card information offline.
Make a plan for situations in advance such as holidays that could rekindle your old spending habits, said author Benson said. And, be prepared for a long road to recovery, she added. “It is very likely that there will be lapses and relapses.”