| See our updated websites at: www.theshulmancenter.com and affiliated sites. Mr. Shulman’s four books are now available as e-books through www.amazon.com: Something for Nothing: Shoplifting Addiction and Recovery Biting The Hand That Feeds: The Employee Theft Epidemic Bought Out and $pent! Recovery from Compulsive $hopping Cluttered Lives, Empty Souls: Stealing, Spending & Hoarding THE SHULMAN CENTER THERAPIST TRAINING PROGRAM! If you’re a therapist and wish to be trained/certified in the assessment/treatment of compulsive theft, spending and/or hoarding, PLEASE CONTACT THE SHULMAN CENTER NOW!On The Move and In The News! February 2012–Mr. Shulman was quoted in an article on employee theft in the Memphis Business Journal and other related online business journals. February 22, 2012–Mr. Shulman was a guest expert on compulsive shopping/spending on ABC’s “Nightline.” See 6-minute video clip at:http://www.shopaholicsanonymous.org/videoarchive-shopping.htm March 5, 2012–Mr. Shulman will present on compulsive theft, spending and hoarding at the Annual Neighborhood Services Organization’s Problem Gambling conference in Detroit. For info andto register, see: http://www.mi-pte.org/detail.php?tid=85 March 2012–Mr. Shulman will be a guest expert on shoplifting addiction on Anderson Cooper’s weekly daytime talk show. Check listings for date, time, and channel. March 16-18, 2012–Mr. Shulman to visit Austin, Texas. March 22-25, 2012–Mr. Shulman to attend the 35th Annual Psychotherapy Networker conference in Washington, D.C. April 14, 2012–Mr. Shulman to co-organize/co-present at 2nd metro-Detroit forum: “Living Recovery in an Addictive World.” |
| A SIGN OF THE TIMES?I’ve lived in my condo with my wife since late 2000 and we’ve been members of our health club, next door, since about that time. Five years or so ago, the restaurant in the health club closed and they installed a snack room with baskets and refrigerators full or assorted goods. Prices were listed for each item and the room had a machine were you were to insert cash, credit card, or your health club card to pay for your items. There was also a security camera and monitor in the room to see yourself on closed-circuit TV as well as an electronic sensor gate at the room’s entrance/exit–similar to in retail stores; apparently, food items were “tagged” to set off the alarm somehow–or at least the gate was put there to make you think so as there’s no scanner to deactivate anything. Well, I’ve never bought (or stolen) anything from the snack room since it was installed; I admit, though, I’ve gone into the room about once a year–including just recently–just to see what kind of snacks they have and to see if they’ve updated their security system. Well, just the other day, I was stunned to see that my beloved health club had installed an electronic gate at the the mouth of the hallway just past the front-desk check-in and before the opening to the main part of the club. And there was a sign stating: “Please do not remove towels from the health club. Thank you.” A sign of the times? Who would take towels? Has the economy gotten that bad? I asked a couple of club members and an attendant about this recent development. I was told the club was losing close to $1,000 / month in towels. I don’t know what each towel costs, but let’s say $5 a piece; that’s 200 towels a month! So, I was told, the club owner–who has a reputation for being a bit frugal and not fixing things promptly, had the electronic gate installed and is buying all-new heavier towels with sensors sewn right in to trip the gate! A sign of the times. VULNERABILITY AND SHAMEYou know the universe is telling you to pay attention to something when you keep getting a message or some new information within a short period of time. Last month, three different friends told me about a woman named Dr. Brene Brown and her work with shame and vulnerability. Dr.. Brown is a social worker, researcher, storyteller, and author who’s posted short clips on YouTube of a few of her recent talks. See links below: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_UoMXF73j0c http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCvmsMzlF7o How many of us really want to feel shame or vulnerability? Though they become familiar, I doubt we really want to feel the continual weight or subtle nagging of the pervasive feelings of “I’m not good enough” or “something bad is going to happen.” Thus, we tend to gravitate toward addictions to numb ourselves or we seek control and order or certainty (whether in religion or politics or other venues) to grasp a sense or security to stave off vulnerability. Dr. Brown asserts we live with vulnerability every day: about the economy, our employment, war/terrorism, and even the more simple things like risking rejection by asking your partner if he/she would like to be intimate later that night. Dr. Brown speaks of the importance of feeling like we are worthy and belong and that both individually and collectively, we’re losing our sense of this. People who have a strong sense of belonging believe they’re worthy of love and belonging. In addition, they have a strong sense of worthiness and connectedness. How do they develop this? Ms. Brown submits that they have the courage to be imperfect, to accept their imperfections, and to fully embrace and show their vulnerability in order to more fully embrace and show their authenticity. It won’t always feel safe or even be recognized or honored–in fact, many of us experience outright shaming for speaking our truths or revealing our deepest desires, fears, and other feelings. But those who want to experience true love and peace have an inner knowing they just have to do it. We need to be courageous enough to keep our hearts open and to be seen (and heard). We need to feel grateful for those who do see us and can embrace all sides of us. I have had many experiences lately of tapping into my own vulnerability and sharing my truth. It has been truly earth-shaking and life-changing. But I know it’s part of how we grow, heal, and learn to love ourselves. See also www.brenebrown.com THE MYSTERY OF WILLPOWER The current March 5, 2012 issue of Time Magazine includes an interesting 6-page article entitled: “Getting to No: The Science of Building Willpower.” The article highlights the most recent brain research around our desires and survival instincts as well as excerpts from a string of recent books on the willpower topic. While some light is shed to suggest brain circuitry is intricately connected to one’s ability to refrain from certain behaviors, there remain questions about chicken and egg: does one’s brain cause the behavior or does the behavior change the brain? While the article mentions the power of addiction to highjack our willpower, it dodges the conventional argument that recovery is less about building willpower and more about surrender and admitting one’s powerless. Perhaps the truth lies somewhere in between. We certainly can’t deny the cases of people quitting addictions or bad habits “cold-turkey” (though there’s often a crucial difference between mere abstinence and recovery); we also can’t deny that many addicts go through treatment after treatment only to seemingly “fail.” What, therefore, makes one person succeed in breaking and addictive habit or pattern and another not? While this article points to new research in brain circuitry and offers some cognitive strategies to better understand why we do what we do (and don’t do what we don’t) and improve our ability to say “yes” to some things and “no” to others, it’s safe to say it’s still a mystery. Conventional wisdom about addiction views and treats it as a disease. Even the American Society of Addiction Medicine (ASAM) recently came out with the pronouncement that addictions–both chemical and behavioral–are “brain diseases/disorders.” The 12-step group model–based on Bill W.’s Alcoholics Anonymous group founded in 1935–embraces the idea of admitting powerlessness over our addictions and surrendering to a higher power as the only (or at least best) way to secure lasting sobriety/recovery. Personally, I’ve benefitted from both 12-step group attendance and non-12-step group attendance, 12-step tools and other tools, and I continue to wrestle at times with my sense of spirituality and my relationship to a higher power. My sense is that most recovering people can relate. I have come to accept that I am powerless over shoplifting and stealing (my primary addictions), and have accepted that I’ve had trouble managing my co-dependent patterns, my TV-watching TV or computer-use, my workaholism, and my love of carbs. This doesn’t mean that I have no willpower or no discipline. I do. I have to use willpower and discipline to make money to live; I use my willpower to get myself to a meeting when I don’t feel like it, to go to the gym, to keep my mouth shut or, conversely, to find the courage to speak my truth. But there’s also a time for admitting powerlessness over people, places, situations and events and surrendering to the great mystery of life. As usual, it’s not either/or, it’s both/and. Some excerpts from the article: “Our brains operate at three levels: I will, I won’t and I want,” says psychologist Kelly McGonigal, author of The Willpower Instinct and a professor at Stanford University. “For many of us, the I-want part wins.” In a 2010 study, Heatherton and two colleagues recruited 100 subjects, half of whom were chronic dieters and the rest of whom had little history of having to control their weight. They were slid into an fMRI scanner to see how their brains reacted to images of food. The nondieters showed activity in the nucleus accumbens, one place appealing cues are processed, and little activity in the amygdala, which would have indicated an aversion to food. The dieters showed just the opposite, suggesting that they were trying–successfully–to control their appetites. All of the subjects were then taken out of the scanners and given 15-oz. (444 ml) milk shakes to drink. They then went back in and were shown the same images. This time, the nondieters’ nuclei accumbens stayed quiet, showing no interest in any more food, and their amygdalae lit up, flashing a “stay away” signal. The dieters, curiously, had the opposite reaction: even though they had consumed as much as the other group, their nuclei accumbens went into action–effectively saying “more”–and their amygdalae grew quieter. This didn’t mean they were insatiable. Rather, as any recidivist dieter knows, it suggested that the very idea of food had become so fraught for them that drinking a milk shake triggered an anxiety response, which they then sought to medicate with other foods. “The what-the-hell effect has always been seen as a decisional thing,” says Heatherton. “In fact, it’s subtler than that.” One paradoxical way to contain cravings is what McGonigal calls mindfulness, which is a lot less squishy than it sounds. Studies of smokers in fMRI scanners have shown that trying to deal with an urge through brute resistance exacerbates the problem, with the lower brain effectively going from orange alert to red. People who instead acknowledge their feelings and nudge them back in line with deep breathing or other relaxation exercises can calm their brains faster. “Acceptance doesn’t have to mean endorsing the feelings,” McGonigal says. Another willpower booby trap is known as the halo effect. You go to the gym and sweat for an hour, then you go out to lunch. You’ve been good, so why not get some fries with that sandwich? The flaw in your thinking is as basic as arithmetic: burning off 400 calories and gobbling 500 does not add up. But the halo effect doesn’t care. The mere concept of behaving virtuously–even if you haven’t actually done so–may be enough to give you the license to indulge. Even something as simple as candidly evaluating how much time you’ll have to achieve your goals helps. In an ideal world, we’d always be able to get to the gym or go for a jog, but the ideal world has no sick days or overtime at work. That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t exercise, but it does mean we need to take a cold look at when we can fit it into our schedule and stick to that realistic plan instead of chasing a fanciful one. None of this is easy–and the fact is, none of it is fun, at least in the very short term. But if there’s a happy side to all the new research, it’s that the muscle analogy works both ways. It’s true enough that exercising willpower can lead to a kind of psychic ache, and it’s true too that that can lead to a short-term failure of resolve. But over time, incrementally, fatigue becomes strength and ache becomes commitment. Your lower brain may always have the fun, but your higher brain, with practice, can still say how much. SPRING CLEANING ANYONE? Spring’s just around the corner! You don’t have to live in the colder climates to get excited but, for those of us who do, it’s a wonderful invitation to crack the windows open, air the place out, and get rid of the old to make room for the new… or, just get rid of the old! If you or someone you know has hoarding disorder, professional help likely will be needed. If you just need a prod or a push to get moving, here are a few ideas that may be of help: 1. Ask for help from family, friends or neighbors2. Hire a professional organizer3. Set aside particular dates and mark them on your calendar4. Call donation centers to schedule pick-ups/drop-offs5. Arrange for recycling or paper shredding pick-ups/drop-offs 6. List things for sale in the paper, on Craig’s list or e-Bay7. Open up the doors and windows and let the fresh air in!8. Turn on your favorite music to energize you 9. Set modest goals for each day; set a timer if necessary10. Stop and rest if you become tired or have body aches11. Schedule a treat or reward for yourself (and others) afterwards12.13.14.15. Walk in peace.The Shulman Center 2012 Events Calendar March 5, 2012–Mr. Shulman to present on compulsive theft, spending and hoarding at the Annual Detroit Problem Gambling Conference. See: http://www.mi-pte.org/detail.php?tid=85 April 14, 2012–Mr. Shulman to co-organize/co-present at 2nd metro-Detroit forum: “Living Recovery in an Addictive World.” April 19/20, 2012–Mr. Shulman to present on helping counseling clients with legal issues at the Annual Michigan Social Workers Conference. June 2012 Mr. Shulman will have an article on compulsive theft, spending & hoarding in Addiction Professional Magazine. August 2012 (prospective) Mr. Shulman to present on compulsive theft, spending & hoarding at the Annual Addictions Studies Institute in Columbus, OH. August 2012 (prospective) Mr. Shulman to present on compulsive theft, spending and hoarding at the Annual Cape Cod Institute summer conference in Cape Cod, MA. September 2012 Mr. Shulman will have an article on compulsive theft, spending & hoarding in Counselor Magazine. September 12, 2012–C.A.S.A. (Cleptomaniacs And Shoplifters Anonymous) metro-Detroit celebrates 20-year anniversary. September 28 – October 2, 2012–Mr. Shulman will be attending and presenting on compulsive theft, spending & hoarding at the National Conference on Addictive Disorders in Orlando, Florida. |
| Ongoing … The Baton Rouge, Louisiana court system has a court-ordered, facilitated educational program for retail fraud offenders. The program is based on material from Mr. Shulman’s book Something for Nothing: Shoplifting Addiction and Recovery. Mr. Shulman created a 1-hour employee theft online course with 360 Training. Learn why people steal from their jobs, how to deter it, prevent it, and what to do when confronted with it. Enroll at: http://theshulmancenter.360training.com Mr. Shulman created an online continuing education course on compulsive shopping and spending called Bought Out and $pent! based on his book and Power Point presentation. The course, CEs offered, through The American Psychotherapy Association. at:http://www.americanpsychotherapy.comSTART YOUR NEW YEAR with MONEY LIFE-COACHING! Tom Lietaert of Sacred Odyssey and the Intimacy with Money programs offers individual money coaching as well as various group workshops on money. Check out Tom’s websites at www.sacredodyssey.com / www.intimacywithmoney.com LAYERED VOICE ANALYSIS Loss Prevention Technology Kevin Colburn, of Vancouver, British Columbia has been in the loss prevention field for many years and recently was trained in Israel to work with layered voice analysis technology. LVA allows interviewers (and interrogators) to accurately determine a subject’s truthfulness or evasiveness. See: www.elitelva.ca THE MONEY SHIFT (Book, Board Game and Seminars) Tom Palka, CFP, a metro-Detroit area financial planner, and I recently met. He’s worked in finances for over 25 years and has written a book, developed a board game, and offers seminars on transforming our thinking about money and wealth. See his website at www.themoneyshift.comMr. Shulman’s booksavailable for purchase now! Click here to shop amazon.com Something for Nothing: Shoplifting Addiction and Recovery (2003) See also:www.somethingfornothingbook.com Biting The Hand That Feeds:The Employee Theft Epidemic… New Perspectives, New Solutions (2005) See also: www.bitingthehandthatfeeds.com Bought Out and $pent! Recovery from Compulsive $hopping/$pending (2008) See also: www.boughtoutandspent.com Cluttered Lives, Empty Souls: Compulsive Stealing, Spending and Hoarding (2011) See also: www.clutteredlives.com Contact The Shulman Center: Terrence Daryl Shulman, JD, LMSW, ACSW, CAADC, CPC Founder/Director, The Shulman Center for Compulsive Theft, Spending & Hoarding P.O. Box 250008 Franklin, Michigan 48025 E-mail: terrenceshulman@theshulmancenter.com Call (248) 358-8508 for free consultation!Our Web Sites:The Shulman CenterShoplifting AddictionsKleptomaniacs AnonymousSomething For NothingShopping Addictions Shopaholics AnonymousBought Out and Spent Employee Theft SolutionsBiting the Hand that FeedsHoarding TherapyHoarders AnonymousTerrence Shulman Books by Terrence Shulman: Something for Nothing:Shoplifting Addiction and RecoveryBiting The Hand That Feeds:The Employee Theft EpidemicBought Out and $pent! Recovery from Compulsive $hopping and $pendingCluttered Lives Empty Souls: Compulsive Stealing, Spending and Hoarding All book are available for $25.00 each (includes shipping and handling). Click here to purchase |
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