DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME ENDS SUNDAY NOVEMBER 2 @ 2AM TURN CLOCKS BACK 1 HOUR! THE SHULMAN CENTER e-NEWSLETTER TURNS 10 YEARS OLD! WE JUST REACHED 2,000 MONTHLY SUBSCRIBERS-THANK YOU! SCHEDULE YOUR PRE-HOLIDAY THERAPY TUNE-UP BEFORE THINGS GET TOO STRESSFUL! CONTACT MR. SHULMAN NOW!!! The Shulman Center on the move and in the news… November 7, 2014–Mr. Shulman will present on DSM-5 changes at the Annual Michigan Association of School Social Workers in West Michigan. November 13, 2014–Mr. Shulman will present on the connection between gambling addiction and theft behaviors/addiction at the HMSA Lecture Series in downtown Detroit from 9:30am -12noon. Registration required. November 13, 2014–Mr. Shulman will be presenting on compulsive shopping and spending at The Community House in Birmingham, MI. December 1, 2014–Mr. Shulman will have his article published on managing addictions (with a focus on shopping addiction) in the quarterly In Recovery Magazine out of Prescott, AZ. See: www.inrecoverymagazine.com December 19, 2014–Mr. Shulman to tell his story at Detroit’s Sacred Society of Twisted Storytellers performance at The Charles Wright African American History Museum. Show is from 8-11pm. Tickets are $16 in advance, $20 at the door. February 3, 2015–Mr. Shulman will present on compulsive hoarding at The Rochester Hills, Michigan Public Library. Free April 29, 2015–Mr. Shulman will present on hoarding disorder at the annual Michigan Conference on Mental Health and the Aging in Lansing, MI. Please Follow us on Twitter @terrenceshulman or @TheShulmanCenter and Facebook at The Shulman Center. NOTE: If you’re a therapist, please consider contacting us to enroll in our brief, affordable local or virtual training to become more proficient at assessing and treating compulsive stealing, spending & hoarding disorders.See Shulman Center Training HOLIDAY MADNESS IS UPON US! Are you one of those people who love the holiday season or hate it? Or a little of both? Why or why not? As a recovering scrooge myself and as a certified addiction counselor since 1997, I know from personal and professional experience that a combination of difficult memories, potentially stressful family gatherings, and pressures to buy, spend, shop and “be cheery” take a toll on a lot of folks. Research shows that addictions and addiction relapses increase dramatically during the period between November and January. Most are aware that eating, drinking, drugging, and even gambling all escalate. But four other pitfalls which are less often noted reach epidemic proportions during the holiday season: compulsive shopping/spending, shoplifting and employee theft, and hoarding disorder. Increasingly, these four issues have crept into the headlines over the last decade or so; at their core, as with all addictions, what often drives these behaviors are misguided beliefs around happiness, satisfaction, abundance and fairness. I ought to know. I’ve been in recovery from shoplifting and employee theft behavior since 1990. Since 2004, I have counseled hundreds of clients over the last 10 years who compulsively steal, spend and/or hoard. Research shows that shoplifting and employee theft spike during the holiday season for a variety of reasons including, but not limited to: pressures to buy; the winter blahs; frustrations in the stores with crowds and long lines; more part-time employees and, therefore, less loyalty to employers; and feelings of entitlement. I’ve heard countless stories of people who stole during the holidays and spent Christmas in jail or who were led out the office door in handcuffs. It’s never worth it. I’d like to focus on compulsive shopping and spending in this article. Not all “shopaholics” are hoarders (and vice-versa) but it’s safe to say that they often overlap. Some people still laugh at the notion of shopping as an addiction but research over the last decade strongly supports that it is–and that about 10% of Americans, women and men almost equally–fit the bill. We all know that shopping rises dramatically during the holiday season. How many of us go “off the deep-end” with spending only to feel stressed at the start of the new year when the credit card payments come due? Not a great way to start off the new year. It’s well-known that nearly 50% of U.S. marriages end in divorce but it’s less known the causes. While many factors exist, friction and conflict over money, values around money, debt, and “financial infidelity” have replaced “sex and romance issues” as the leading contributing factor in relationship conflicts and divorces. The average American now carries nearly $10,000.00 (Ten Thousand Dollars) worth of credit card debt-much of it due to shopping-related or non-essential purchases. Last holiday season, post-Thanksgiving retail sales figures indicated a 5% increase in sales from previous year but with a caveat: most shoppers bought less expensive gifts and most retailers had to offer increased discounts in this shaky economy to battle their competitors. Still, The National Retail Federation estimated that the average American spent nearly $920 on gifts in December alone-a collective drop in the bucket of the $500+ Billion spent overall. Online holiday shopping surpassed store shopping in dollar figures and now accounts for about one third of our holiday purchasing with more of us doing our shopping with our smartphones. We used to talk about “Black Friday” as the official kick-off of the holiday shopping season but last year more stores than ever decided to stay open on Thanksgiving. And what are we teaching our kids? Please don’t say “nothing they don’t all ready know; we’re a helplessly, hopelessly materialistic and consumerist people… resistance is futile.” Consider what we are teaching our children about the holidays and, more broadly, about consumerism, not to mention, greed and gluttony. Stuff. Stuff. Stuff. How much is enough? To piggyback on a dietary analogy, we need more protein and less “stuff”ing. What is the protein? You get to decide but how about rest, relaxation, quality time together, or creating or spending a memorable event together. I suggest we take a good look at ourselves and our culture. What signs would it take to alert you that there’s a real problem? Now is a good time to ask ourselves: what are we really shopping for? To escape? To keep up with the Joneses? For love and approval? Are we being duped into spending more than we really need to or can afford? Perhaps we might ask ourselves: What would Jesus buy? My guess is, probably not much. There’s actually a great film about our hyper-consumerist culture called “What Would Jesus Buy?” I highly recommend watching it. Imagine, for a moment, all the different ways in which our money could be used–not to mention our time, energy, and creativity.
I’m not suggesting we don’t spend any money or don’t buy any gifts. But, as the old saying goes: money can’t buy love or peace or ultimate security. There are countless ways to show our love and to celebrate the deeper meaning of the holidays: a time for thanksgiving, appreciation, love, miracles, celebration, generosity, rebirth, renewal and the close company of family, friends and community. The holidays are truly a time to practice gratitude even if we’re going through challenging times when we feel anything but grateful for our lives; they beckon us to focus on the positive. Life could always be worse. If you do dine with others, consider having each person share what he or she is grateful for. There’s also the powerful practice of doing volunteer work around the holidays as it helps put things in perspective: there is always someone suffering more than you are. Consider donating time, money, and/or gifts to the more needy–take the family and volunteer at a soup kitchen, homeless shelter, or other charitable institution. It’s been my experience working with compulsive stealing, spending and hoarding that the holidays are a particularly stressful and tempting time. Don’t wait until you’re in the midst of the holiday craze to have an action plan: if you’re not preparing for recovery, you’re preparing to relapse. Here’s a few tips to keep you centered and grounded and safe: 1. If you choose to shop, shop early, before the crowds hit. 2. Go through your belongings and see if there are any gifts you can re-gift or recycle. 3. Remember the spirit of the holidays–it’s not about the things, it’s about the joy and shared experience with key family and friends. 4. If you have few family or friends and you’re worried about loneliness, be proactive and find local support group meetings, other open gatherings/events, and make a plan to attend some: you might just make a new friend or two. 5. Stop and remember what has happened and how you felt when you were in your addiction during holidays past. Did you shoplift or steal from work and feel guilty? Were you arrested or fired from a job for stealing? Did you break your budget and regret it later, starting the new year stressed out? Did you feel ashamed to have friends or family over because your home was a disaster zone? KISS–Keep It Simple Silly! 6. If you have kids and you’re feeling pressured to buy for them, stop and remember what you’re teaching them. Remember when you were a kid, it’s most likely your best memories are about the activities and the time together you spent with loved ones, not the stuff you got! Be creative and get kids engaged in activities they’ll cherish forever. Take photos. Have fun! 7. If you feel lack due to finances or other issues in your life, consider volunteering (and bring the kids, too, if you have them) at a homeless shelter, soup kitchen, or donating Toys for Tots (again, recycle gifts if need be). Bring a smile–safely and responsibly–to the lives of those less fortunate. 8. Don’t abuse alcohol, drugs or food: they’re a waste of time, energy and money. Have a plan to get some moderated exercise, get some outdoor fresh air, eat healthy, get enough sleep, and find some quiet solitude. 9. If getting together with family/friends brings up difficult emotions, choose either not to attend or minimize the time spent with them and “book-end” your visits with calls to support people or meetings before, during, and after your visit. 10. Set a budget that works for how much you can spend comfortably on yourself and others. So how do you want your Holidays to go? What are your keys to embracing the miracles? You are the gift. I am the gift. We are the gift. No amount of money or things-whether bought or stolencan truly bring us peace. Give, but don’t overdo it. If you have problems rewarding yourself-or others-in a pure and sound manner, give yourself the gift of asking for help. Remember: Simple is good. Less is often more. And the holidays can be the best of times or the worst of times. It’s really all up to each of us to choose and create. May this be your best holiday season yet! 10 BEST WAYS TO SAVR MONEY From USA Today Weekend October 24-26, 2014. These are some strategies worth considering: 1. Cut housing costs; 2. Buy used cars; 3. Check your charges; 4. Cut cable TV in favor of streaming like Netflix, Hulu, etc. 5. Use prepaid mobil phones rather than expensive ones; 6. Cancel your gym membership or health club; 7. Use your credit wisely; 8. Buy only what you need; 9. Browse istores or online to find best prices; don’t impulse shop! 10. Set spending as well as savings goals. FILMMAKER MORGAN SPURLOCK PRESENTS: 20 Short Films on Money & The Economy You Can’t Afford To Miss! Morgan Spurlock unveils 20 short films about the economy at no cost to viewers. Spurlock and Microsoft co-founder Paul G. Allen’s Vulcan Productions recruited Hollywood talent (such as Adrian Grenier) and experts to explain economic issues via films in the Series We The Economy. The shorts are available on YouTube, Netflix, Amazon, Vimeo, and other platforms. See website at: We The Economy DECIDE TO BE HAPPY How We Make Decisions Says a Lot About How Happy We Are by Elizabeth Bernstein The Wall Street Journal 10/7/14 People write me from time to time to ask, “How do I find a good therapist?”
I was witness to a tricky marital exchange last week, when my sister and her husband were trying to name their new red Labrador puppy. Rachel had spent hours trolling for ideas on the Internet and polling friends and family. Days later, she had dozens of monikers in the running-Valentino, Fonzie, Holden, Simba, Brandy Junior (named for our beloved childhood spaniel) and Olivia Newton John (don’t ask). Finally, Rachel’s husband, J.J., interrupted: “Let’s just call him Jimmy.” Psychology researchers have studied how people make decisions and concluded there are two basic styles. “Maximizers” like to take their time and weigh a wide range of options-sometimes every possible one-before choosing. “Satisficers” would rather be fast than thorough; they prefer to quickly choose the option that fills the minimum criteria (the word “satisfice” blends “satisfy” and “suffice”). “Maximizers are people who want the very best. Satisficers are people who want good enough,” says Barry Schwartz, a professor of psychology at Swarthmore College in Pennsylvania and author of “The Paradox of Choice.” Dr. Schwartz has developed a 13-level test to assess a person’s decision-making orientation. Each statement is scored on a scale of 1 (strongly disagree) to 7 (strongly agree). The higher your score, the more of a maximizer you are. See rest of article at: Decide to be Happy KISSING YOUR SOCKS GOOD-BYE Japan’s Queen of Tidy: “Thank Your Stuff Before Tossing It by Penelope Green NY Times 10/23/14 By her own account, Marie Kondo was an unusual child, poring over lifestyle magazines to glean organizing techniques and then stealthily practicing them at home and school, confounding her family and bemusing her teachers. As she writes in “The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing,” which comes out this month in the United States and is already a best seller in her native Japan and in Europe, she habitually sneaked into her siblings’ rooms to throw away their unused toys and clothes and ducked out of recess to organize her classroom’s bookshelves and mop closet, grumbling about poor storage methodologies and pining for an S-hook. Now 30, Ms. Kondo is a celebrity of sorts at home, the subject of a TV movie, with a three-month waiting list for her decluttering services – until recently, that is, because she has stopped taking clients to focus on training others in her methods. Last Friday, I brought her book home to practice them. What better moment to drill down and ponder the fretful contents of one’s sock drawer? Global and national news was careering from the merely hysterical to the nonsensical (the Ebola cruise ship incident was just peaking). Closer to home, other anxieties beckoned. But in my apartment on Second Avenue, the world was no larger than my closet, and I was talking to my T-shirts. Let me explain. Ms. Kondo’s decluttering theories are unique, and can be reduced to two basic tenets: Discard everything that does not “spark joy,” after thanking the objects that are getting the heave-ho for their service; and do not buy organizing equipment – your home already has all the storage you need. Obsessive, gently self-mocking and tender toward the life cycle of, say, a pair of socks, Ms. Kondo delivers her tidy manifesto like a kind of Zen nanny, both hortatory and animistic. “Don’t just open up your closet and decide after a cursory glance that everything in it gives you a thrill,” she writes. “You must take each outfit in your hand.” “Does it spark joy?” would seem to set the bar awfully high for a T-shirt or a pair of jeans, but it turns out to be a more efficacious sorting mechanism than the old saws: Is it out of style? Have you worn it in the last year? Does it still fit? Alone in my bedroom, with the contents of both closets strewn over every surface, I fondled stretch velvet pants (don’t judge me) and enough fringed scarves to outfit an army of Stevie Nicks fans, and shed a tear or two for my younger self. (Where did the time go?) See rest of article at: Kiss Your Socks Good-bye! SPOTLIGHTS: “In Recovery” Magazine There’s a wonderful relatively new quarterly recovery magazine I want to let you know about. It’s called “In Recovery.” Founded 2 years ago by Kim Welsh, a recovering person herself, in Prescott, Arizona–home to many treatment centers and half-way houses, this magazine has something for everyone. I visited Kim in October 2013 and was honored to be invited to write a regular column about process/behavioral addictions–starting Spring 2014. The magazine is available in hard copy as well as online at: www.inrecoverymagazine.com 3rd Millenium STOPLifting Online Education Course! 3rd Millenium Classrooms out of San Antonio, TX has been offering high-quality online education courses for alcohol, marijuana and shoplifting issues for many years now. I’ve been honored to help them fine-tune and update their shoplifting course which many are court-ordered to complete after an arrest. 3rd Millennium Classroom’s STOPLifting is an online intervention course designed to assist shoplifters in examining and altering their attitudes and behaviors towards shoplifting. The course incorporates evidential examples and related follow-up questions to discover the student’s motives behind shoplifting, reveal possible patterns in his or her behaviors, and identify potential triggers and ways to cope. Through STOPLifting’s unique motivational interviewing style, students are encouraged to evaluate the personal consequences of shoplifting and how they affect the individual, his or her family and those around him or her. See: www.3rdmiclassrooms.com Castlewood Eating Disorders Treatment Centers I was privileged to tour Castlewood Treatment Center near St. Louis in August 2014 while in town for a conference. Castlewood also has centers in Birmingham, Alabama and in Monterey, California. They have been around for over a decade and have a great reputation and great staff. See: www.castlewoodtc.com Clutter-Hoarding National Clean-Up Services See: http://www.clutterhoardingcleanup.com/ Honesty is its own reward.–Anonymous Walk in peace. The Shulman Center 2014 Ongoing Events Calendar Ongoing … The Baton Rouge, Louisiana court system has a court-ordered, facilitated educational program for retail fraud offenders. The program is based on material from Mr. Shulman’s book Something for Nothing: Shoplifting Addiction and Recovery. Mr. Shulman created a 1-hour employee theft online course with360 Training. Learn why people steal from their jobs, how to deter it, prevent it, and what to do when confronted with it. Enroll at: http://theshulmancenter.360training.com Mr. Shulman created an online continuing education course on compulsive shopping and spending called Bought Out and $pent! based on his book and Power Point presentation. The course, CEs offered, through The American Psychotherapy Association. at: http://www.americanpsychotherapy.com “In Recovery” Magazine There’s a wonderful relatively new quarterly recovery magazine I want to let you know about. It’s called “In Recovery.” Founded 2 years ago by Kim Welsh, a recovering person herself, in Prescott, Arizona–home to many treatment centers and half-way houses, this magazine has something for everyone. I visited Kim in October 2013 and was honored to be invited to write a regular column about process/behavioral addictions–starting Spring 2014.The magazine is available in hard copy as well as online at: www.inrecoverymagazine.com 3rd Millenium STOPLifting Online Education Course! 3rd Millenium Classrooms out of San Antonio, TX has been offering high-quality online education courses for alcohol, marijuana and shoplifting issues for many years now. I’ve been honored to help them fine-tune and update their shoplifting course which many are court-ordered to complete after an arrest.3rd Millenium has partnered with Terrence Shulman and The Shulman Center on this course. See: www.3rdmilclassrooms.com RESOURCES OF NOTE… THE SHULMAN CENTER THERAPIST TRAINING PROGRAM! If you’re a therapist and wish to be trained & certified in the assessment/treatment of compulsive theft, spending and/or hoarding, CONTACT THE SHULMAN CENTER NOW! See: http://www.theshulmancenter.com/counselor-training.html 3rd MILLENIUM STOPLifing ONLINE EDUCATION COURSE! 3rd Millenium Classrooms out of San Antonio, TX has been offering high-quality online education courses for alcohol, marijuana and shoplifting issues for many years now. I’ve been honored to help them fine-tune and update their shoplifting course which many are court-ordered to complete after an arrest. Please check out their courses on their website at: www.3rdmilclassrooms.com IN RECOVERY MAGAZINE–PRESCOTT, ARIZONA There’s a wonderful relatively new quarterly recovery magazine I want to let you know about. It’s called “In Recovery.” Founded 2 years ago by Kim Welsh, a recovering person herself, in Prescott, Arizona–home to many treatment centers and half-way houses, this magazine has something for everyone. I visited Kim in October 2013 and was honored to be invited to write a regular column about process/behavioral addictions–starting Spring 2014.The magazine is available in hard copy and online at: www.inrecoverymagazine.com GET A BOOST with MONEY LIFE-COACHING Tom Lietaert of Sacred Odyssey and the Intimacy with Money programs offers individual money coaching as well as various group workshops on money. Check out Tom’s two websites at: www.sacredodyssey.com / www.intimacywithmoney.com CONSULTING AND EDUCATION ON FRAUD Gary Zeune of Columbus, Ohio has been a friend and colleague of mine for nearly two years. He has been a consultant and teacher on fraud discovery and prevention for nearly 30 years. He is interviewed in my book Cluttered Lives, Empty Souls: Compulsive Theft, Spending & Hoarding. I recently saw Gary in action recently when he presented an all-day on fraud to metroDetroit accountants. See: www.theprosandthecons.com RECOVERING SHOPAHOLIC BLOG AND EDUCATION Debbie Roes is an educator and recovering shopaholic and offers a free insightful blog and e-Newsletter to help you. See: http://www.recoveringshopaholic.com THE FLY LADY ASSISTS WITH CLEANING & DECLUTTERING I recently was told about a website resource that lists strategies for cleaning and de-cluttering and sells various books and products that help with this; so, I’m passing it along… See: www.flylady.net CASTLEWOOD EATING DISORDERS TREATMENT CENTERS I was privileged to tour Castlewood Treatment Center near St. Louis in August 2014 while in town for a conference. Castlewood also has centers in Birmingham, Alabama and in Monterey, California. They have been around for over a decade and have a great reputation and great staff. See: www.castlewoodtc.com Mr. Shulman’s books available for purchase now! Click here to shop amazon.com Something for Nothing: Shoplifting Addiction and Recovery (2003) See also: www.somethingfornothingbook.com Biting The Hand That Feeds: The Employee Theft Epidemic… New Perspectives, New Solutions (2005) See also: www.bitingthehandthatfeeds.com Bought Out and $pent! Recovery from Compulsive $hopping/$pending (2008) See also: www.boughtoutandspent.com
Cluttered Lives, Empty Souls: Compulsive Stealing, Spending and Hoarding (2011) See also: www.clutteredlives.com Contact The Shulman Center: Terrence Daryl Shulman, JD, LMSW, ACSW, CAADC, CPC Founder/Director, The Shulman Center for Compulsive Theft, Spending & Hoarding P.O. Box 250008 Franklin, Michigan 48025 E-mail: terrenceshulman@theshulmancenter.com Call (248) 358-8508 for a free consultation! Our Web Sites: The Shulman Center Shoplifting Addictions Kleptomaniacs Anonymous Something For Nothing Shopping Addictions Shopaholics Anonymous Bought Out and Spent Employee Theft Solutions Biting the Hand that Feeds Hoarding Therapy Hoarders Anonymous Terrence Shulman Books by Terrence Shulman: Something for Nothing:Shoplifting Addiction and Recovery Biting The Hand That Feeds:The Employee Theft Epidemic Bought Out and $pent! Recovery from Compulsive $hopping and $pending Cluttered Lives Empty Souls: Compulsive Stealing, Spending and Hoarding All book are available for $25.00 each (includes shipping and handling).
Click here to purchase