THANKSGIVING IN THE AGE OF ANXIETY
by
Terry Shulman
As both the mid-term elections and the holiday season approach, we may feel a mix of excitement and dread about the short-term and long-term futures. Stressful thoughts of family gatherings, crowded stores, high expectations, blown budgets, and hangovers of various kinds. We may need to make requests, ask for help, set boundaries, say “no,” or even avoid certain people and situations altogether. All this and the threat of further political divisiveness, corruption, and actual violence looms.
It’s vital we stop and take some time to dig deep and stand firm: we can largely create our own holiday experiences. All holidays offer us an opportunity to slow down (most of us speed up!) to reflect on the spirit of each holiday, find ways to be creative, gather with those we love and who love us, and celebrate life through rituals that, hopefully, live and breathe rather than feel mechanical. And, of course, all holidays offer us a chance to feel grateful for something… we don’t have to wait until late November to do so.
What is “gratitude”? Gratitude has many definitions but how about this: simply living from a place of thankfulness – that acknowledging everything you receive as a small miracle. It means shifting your focus from what your life lacks to the abundance that’s already present. Research shows that gratitude heightens your quality of life. Quality of life is one reason to live from a place of gratitude, particularly in the face of adversity; it’s the difference between being a hero and being a victim. In the aftermath of extraordinary hardship or cruelty, some people are able to express deep gratitude. Others are left with bitterness.
We may wonder: “why me?” and sometimes the silence of the universe is deafening. Sometimes there are no answers. Just lessons to be learned. This is where acceptance comes in. Can we accept the world, your world, whatever and however it is? The pain strips away layers of protection until you are left standing naked and alone. We can find a way
to be with it, not against it, without anger or resentment. This is when we begin to touch our humanity. And, for that, we are, in time profoundly and deeply grateful. Be thankful that you don’t already have everything you desire. If you did, what would be there to look forward to?
True, deep gratitude may seem elusive to us. It certainly is easier to complain, feel lack, and focus on what we don’t like about our lives and life in general. For many of us, there are real challenges in our families and in the world that make it hard for us to feel anything but gloom and doom. It may be hard enough to shift our attention to the good, the holy, the miraculous in even the mundane. Yet, this is what we are called to do. Keep it simple. It’s certainly challenging to find the gift and the gratitude in our struggles, our loved ones’ struggles, and in the world’s struggles. But we are called to do this. Nearly everyone of of us have experienced weathering a storm or crisis and been grateful not merely to have survived but to have opened up and been transformed in some way that has positively enhanced our life; be it new appreciation, new wisdom, new spirituality. It’s even harder to be grateful in the midst of the storm or crisis.
I don’t know where I’d be without my childhood struggles; as painful as it was, it led me to become a codependent and a shoplifting addict which, in turn, led me to recovery and, eventually, becoming a therapist and being of service to many people. Dr. Mark Seery of the University of Buffalo–along with other researchers, found in one study, that although people who experienced lots of adversity were generally more distressed than others, those who had experienced no traumatic events in their lives had similar psychological problems. The people with the best outcomes were those who had experienced some negative events in their lives. “Just because something bad has happened to someone doesn’t mean they’re doomed to be damaged from that point on,” he said.
Another study found that people with chronic back pain were able to get around better if they had experienced some serious adversity, whereas those who had suffered either large amounts of adversity, or none at all, were more impaired in life. It’s been theorized that one possibility for this pattern was that people who have been through traumatic experiences have had the opportunity to develop their coping mechanisms more acutely. Dr. Seery said: “The idea is that negative life experiences can toughen people, making them better able to manage subsequent difficulties. People who have gone through stressful events may have stronger social networks than others, as they have learnt how to get help from others when they need it.
Don’t get me wrong. I am not suggesting that gratitude will come easily or naturally in a crisis. It’s easy to feel grateful for the good things. No one “feels” grateful that he or she has lost a job or a home or good health or has taken a devastating hit on his or her retirement portfolio. But it is vital to make a distinction between feeling grateful and being grateful. We don’t have total control over our emotions. We cannot easily will ourselves to feel grateful, less depressed, or happy. Feelings follow from the way we look at the world, thoughts we have about the way things are, the way things should be, and the distance between these two points. But being grateful is a choice, a prevailing attitude that endures and is relatively immune to the gains and losses that flow in and out of our lives. When disaster strikes, gratitude provides a perspective from which we can view life in its entirety and not be overwhelmed by temporary circumstances. Yes, this perspective is hard to achieve, but it is worth the effort.
If the only prayer you say in your life is ‘thank you’ that would suffice. Meister Eckhart Be thankful when you don’t know something for it gives you the opportunity to learn. Be thankful for the difficult times, for during those times you grow. Be thankful for your limitations because they give you opportunities for improvement. Be thankful for each new challenge because it will build your strength and character. need to grow up, too. Be thankful for your mistakes. They will teach you valuable lessons. Be thankful when you’re tired and weary. Because it means you’ve made a difference.
SOME TIPS FOR SURVIVING THE HOLIDAYS
by Terry Shulman
- If you choose to shop, shop early, before the crowds hit.
- Go through your belongings and see if there are any gifts you can re-gift or recycle.
- Remember the spirit of the holidays–it’s not about the things, it’s about the joy and shared experience with key family and friends.
- If you have few family or friends and you’re worried about loneliness, be proactive and find local support group meetings, other open gatherings/events, and make a plan to attend some: you might just make a new friend or two.
- Stop and remember what has happened and how you felt when you were in your addiction during holidays past. Did you shoplift or steal from work and feel guilty? Were you arrested or fired from a job for stealing? Did you break your budget and regret it later, starting the new year stressed out? Did you feel ashamed to have
friends or family over because your home was a disaster zone? KISS–Keep It Simple Silly! - If you have kids and you’re feeling pressured to buy for them, stop and remember what you’re teaching them. Remember when you were a kid, it’s most likely your best memories are about the activities and the time together you spent with loved ones, not the stuff you got! Be creative and get kids engaged in activities they’ll cherish forever. Take photos. Have fun!
- If you feel lack due to finances or other issues in your life, consider volunteering (and bring the kids, too, if you
have them) at a homeless shelter, soup kitchen, or donating Toys for Tots (again, recycle gifts if need be). Bring a smile–safely and responsibly–to the lives of those less fortunate. - Don’t abuse alcohol, drugs or food: they’re a waste of time, energy and money. Have a plan to get some moderated exercise, get some outdoor fresh air, eat healthy, get enough sleep, and find some quiet solitude.
- If getting together with family/friends brings up difficult emotions, choose either not to attend or minimize the time spent with them and “book-end” your visits with calls to support people or meetings before, during, and after your visit.
- Set a budget that works for how much you can spend comfortably on yourself and others.
- Oh… and don’t forget to breathe….
A FEW 2018 HOLIDAY SEASON
Shopping Trends & Predictions
A lot of people will shop for the holidays! And they’ll buy online! And they will look at their phones a lot, too! Duh.
It’s that time of year again, folks, when we retail reporter types can sometimes spew breathless pronouncements on the sometimes not-so-revelatory predictions pundits make on the make-or-break holiday selling season, when merchants generate a disproportionate chunk of their annual sales.
The National Retail Federation expects holiday retail sales in November and December excluding automobiles, gasoline and restaurants to rise between 4.3% and 4.8% over 2017, for a total of $720.89 billion. The forecast compares with an average annual increase of 3.9% over the past five years.
“The combination of increased job creation, improved wages, tamed inflation and an increase in [consumers’] net worth all provide the capacity and the confidence to spend,” the NRF’s chief economist Jack Kleinhenz said, in a statement.
Armando Roggio of Practical ECommerce recently predicted the following:
The Christmas shopping season will be here before you know it. Shoppers begin making holiday purchases as soon as October. Those earlier purchases could help drive online sales to a new record in 2018.
For the past five years, I have made a few holiday sales predictions. For 2018, I am betting on early shopping, mobile commerce, voice shopping, and free shipping.
- Black Friday, Cyber Monday Week Will Be 37 Percent of Total
For 2018, I predict that the period between Thanksgiving Day (November 22) and Saturday, December 1 (the end of Cyber Monday week) will represent 37 percent of total U.S. holiday retail sales.
For the past several holiday seasons, purchases have started sooner and peaked earlier. For example, according to an Adobe Digital Insights report, Black Friday, a single day, represented 4.6 percent of total U.S. retail revenue for the holiday season. Meanwhile, Cyber Monday represented 6.1 percent of total holiday retail sales.
2. Mobile Sales Will Be 52 Percent of Total
Mobile commerce continues to grow. So I am not alone in this prediction. After mobile’s exceptional performance during the 2017 Christmas season, every prognosticator in the industry is betting heavy on mobile’s continued success. I see no reason to buck the trend.
We might even see particularly strong mobile sales on Thanksgiving Day. The scenario goes something like this. A shopper wants to take advantage of Black Friday deals, which will start around noon on Thanksgiving Day. But that same shopper has to have three Thanksgiving meals one at her mom’s house, one at her husband’s mom’s house, and one at the house of her pushy friend, who won’t take no for an answer. All of that feasting cuts into shopping time, so she’ll make purchases from her phone when she has a spare minute or two.
3. Voice Shopping Will Be 3 Percent of Sales
Digital voice-driven assistants will impact U.S. retail ecommerce sales during the 2018 Christmas season. My best estimate is that something like 3 percent of purchases will be made via voice device.
One possible key to this trend will be the use of Alexa skills voice apps that enhance Alexa devices. And several retailers have already developed skills that can help shoppers buy online with just a few words.
Underlying this trend is the fact that many Americans have and use voice-driven assistants. For example, according to the Pew Research Center in 2017, 46 percent of Americans used one of these devices. Pew Research said in 2017 that about 46 percent of Americans used a digital voice-based assistant.
4. More Than Half of Holiday Orders Will Include Free Shipping
This is the second time in the last five years that I have made a prediction around the percentage of online orders that include free shipping. Last time around, in 2017, this was a bit hard to measure. Nonetheless, there are many indications that shoppers still love free shipping. With holiday shopping starting earlier, a large portion of those shoppers might find they are eligible for free (slow) shipping since the orders should still have plenty of time to arrive before Christmas.