The Shulman Center 2004-2018:
Celebrating 15 Years of Pioneering Service What A Journey It’s Been! (Note: Repeated from Last Month’s e-Newsletter)
by
Terrence Daryl Shulman, Founder/Director
As we launched our newly updated and re-designed websites last month, we’re excited to mark our 15th year here at The Shulman Center. It’s been an incredible personal and professional journey and we truly appreciate all those trusted us, been helped by us, and all those who’ve supported us along the way.
I want to offer a special thank you to my wife of 16 years, Tina, who has been The Shulman Center’s Creative Director over these past 15 years. he’s been the silent, hidden, and steady presence who has helped our Center grow!
We would like to think we’ve made a difference in the lives of individuals, families, and the culture at large in the way we look at and understand compulsive stealing, spending and hoarding. And, yet, we still have a long way to go in terms of seeing more resources and options for those seeking help for these disorders and, even more so, in realizing our mission statement: We envision and work toward creating a world of emotional and financial health and balance, of honesty and deep self-esteem and self-worth for all.
Some of our highlights over the last 15 years include the following:
We’ve written and published four books (on shoplifting addiction, employee theft, compulsive shopping & spending, and hoarding disorder) and have had part of our compulsive shopping/spending book translated into Polish and our entire book on compulsive shoplifting currently being translated into Japanese.
We’ve counseled approximately 1,500 clients–an average of 100 per year: roughly 50% for shoplifting issues; 25% for compulsive shopping & spending; 10% for employee theft; 10% for hoarding; and 5% for other forms of theft.
We’ve participated in over 100 local, national, and international media appearances (TV, radio, and print).
We’ve conducted over 150 local and national presentations on compulsive theft, spending and hoarding at various venues, including three pioneering international conferences on compulsive theft (2005), compulsive theft and spending (2008), and compulsive theft, spending and hoarding (2011).
We’ve consulted on several local and national “theft awareness” online education courses.
We’ve collaborated with the non-profit organization www.unsteal.org which acts as a conduit to provide anonymous and confidential opportunities for shoplifters to return up to $200 per transaction back to merchants they have stolen from as part of a secure online amends process.
We’ve trained 25 local, national and international therapists to more effectively work with compulsive theft, spending and hoarding and helped bring inclusion of these disorders to several national treatment centers.
We’ve helped expand local, national, telephone & online recovery support groups for compulsive stealing (our flagship C.A.S.A. (Cleptomaniacs And Shoplifters Anonymous) group in metro-Detroit will be 26 years old next month).
We’ve helped numerous judges and probation officers–locally and nationally–agree to alternative sentencing for numerous defendants who likely would have been incarcerated without real help or hope.
And we assisted in bringing C.A.S.A. support groups into Michigan’s only women’s prison in 2013.
There’s much to do and more to accomplish. But we like to think the future is brighter than it was in 2004 for this growing field of study , research, education, and treatment for compulsive theft, spending and hoarding.
Again, it’s been an honor and a privilege to transform the lives of those we’ve seen and those we’ve never met.
Pass it on…. We can only keep what we give away.
If you or someone you know is interested in making a tax-deductible contribution to our not-for-profit wing C.A.S.A., LLC, please see: https://www.theshulmancenter.com/donate-to-casa.html
KID SHOPLIFTING IS A THING AND
HERE’S HOWTO DEAL WITH IT!
by
Katherine Stahl PopSurgar June 26, 2018
Recently, I was comparing parenting war stories with one of my best friends. I had just finished telling her about my son’s latest and greatest tantrum (over my refusal to give him a second dessert; oh, the horror!), when she topped me with her latest bit of kid craziness. She had taken her 5-year-old daughter to run some errands. They arrived home 30 minutes after leaving their last stop, battling traffic the whole way home, and that’s when my friend realized her daughter had given herself a little five-finger discount in the form of a small toy.
“It was one of those parenting moments when I knew I had to step up, even though it was going to be a pain in the *ss,” she told me. “We went to her piggy bank and collected enough money to pay for the toy, then drove the 30 minutes back to the store, where she apologized to the owner and passed over the money.” Her daughter felt terrible and promised to never steal again, but my friend was still confused about what inspired her to shoplift in the first place.
The truth is, it’s pretty common for small children to shoplift little toys, candies, or other easily concealed items. Very young children might not understand that the things they want cost money, and that they can’t take something without paying for it. School-aged kids usually grasp that concept, but they might not have developed enough self control to stop themselves from pocketing an item they want and either know or assume you won’t buy them.
The reasons behind a child’s shoplifting can be simple I wanted the candy; mom said no to buying the candy – or more complex. If you discover your child has stolen from a shop, a friend, or even you, here’s what to do next.
- Talk to your child to determine the root cause. If this is the first time you’ve caught your child stealing, have an age-appropriate conversation about what inspired the action. Was it just a fluke occurrence, or is there a deeper reason behind it? Some kids steal because they want attention or are dealing with stress at home or at school. If stealing has become a pattern, assume that a bigger issue is at work. Consider enlisting the help of a family therapist, counselor, or doctor.
- Help your child understand why stealing is wrong. Kids need to know that stealing isn’t a victim-less crime. Explain how taking things from a store is the same as taking money from the people who own that store. Also explain that stealing is a crime and can get them in trouble not just with you, but with the police, and can even lead to jail time.
- Assist your child in making restitution. Make your child return stolen items to the store and apologize to the owner or manager. Most shops will accept an apology and either a return or a payment for the item if it’s a first-time offense, especially if the shoplifter is a small child who didn’t realize they were committing a crime. It’s important to make older children take responsibility for their actions as well, even if fessing up leads to the store getting security or the police involved. That embarrassing and scary experience is sure to leave a lasting impression.
- Keep a close eye on your child to make sure stealing isn’t a pattern. Pay special attention to your child when you’re out shopping to make sure the incident was isolated. If your little kid still isn’t getting why stealing is wrong, keep them away from situations where it might be a temptation and make sure they know what the consequences will be if it happens again.
IN THE SPIRIT OF HALLOWEEN
THE GIFT OF THE TRICKSTER
by
Jessica Marshall
I read something that changed my life.
And that thing was written by one of my favorite authors of all time, Elizabeth Gilbert.
She said: “It’s better to be a trickster than a martyr.”
The martyr is someone who dwells in misfortune indefinitely. But the trickster is someone different.
Who is the trickster?
The trickster is a character in a story that has great knowledge and uses that knowledge to defy conventional behavior and rules.
So the trickster is an opportunist. When something unplanned or unfortunate happens, tricksters roll with it.
Not only do they roll with it, they bend conventional rules to make it work for them. They figure out how to make money from it; they use it as fuel.
The trickster is playful and clever. She doesn’t take life too seriously. Because she is not deeply attached to any outcome, the trickster can quickly adapt to any situation the universe throws her way. And she does so with a sly smile.
As Elizabeth Gilbert said, “she is always looking for the secret door, the hidden stairway, the fun-house mirror, the sideways way of looking at things and the trickster always endures.”
What would life look like if you were the trickster?
I’ll give you an example from my own life.
About two years ago, my sister and I’d both been working at unsatisfying, uninspiring, and painfully-boring jobs.
So we started planning a trip – a week-long trip to Greece. We spent days poring over travel blogs, ooh-ing and aah-ing over gorgeous hotels, and searching cruise tours in Santorini. We felt excited about life again! But something went wrong.
When my sister requested time off of work, her boss turned her down. Her co-worker had already asked to go on vacation those same exact days!
We were devastated. We cursed our bad luck, we moped around our house, we vented to all of our friends.
Then, my sister unknowingly donned her trickster cape: “You know what? Let’s take a damn trip. Let’s quit these jobs in September, and live in Chile for a few months.”
The universe had just sent us a tennis ball of opportunity – disguised as a setback. And we played back!
We hit that ball right back to the universe. We bent the “rules” and made this setback work for us.
I noticed the trickster persona in someone else, too.
In the most recent bachelor, Nick Viall.
Stick with me here.He was on two seasons of the Bachelorette. Not one, but TWO. And for those of you who watch the show, you know what happened. He finished as the runner-up in both seasons. That’s right – brought right to the end twice and…nada. No love for Nick.Yeah, he was disappointed. Bummed. Brokenhearted.But eventually, he morphed into the trickster. His wheels started turning: How could he make this work for him?He used his unique story of being the runner-up TWICE and went on the spin-off show, Bachelor in Paradise. He won over the fans and got cast as the next bachelor. He’s now happily engaged (for now, at least), made it to Week 7 on Dancing With The Stars, and quickly thereafter, launched a men’s clothing company.Talk about turning a potentially embarrassing reality-TV stint into a wave of momentum! He slyly and cleverly used his not-so-successful past on the Bachelorette to propel himself forward.So you see, being the trickster is all about reconciling what the universe has in store for you and what YOU have in store for you. Tricksters don’t fight against the universe; instead, they dance with it.Tricksters don’t fight against the universe; instead, they dance with it, thinking about these two examples, how can you embody the trickster in your life?
1. Ask yourself on a weekly basis, “WWTTD?” What Would The Trickster Do?
Jot down ways that you can make the most of your current situation – right here, right now.
Doing this often will shift your mindset and tap into your creativity!
Ask yourself on a weekly basis, ‘WWTTD?’ What Would The Trickster Do?
2. Take the time to feel disappointed.
I know, I know. This piece of advice sounds counter-intuitive. But in order to truly morph into the trickster, you’ll have to move past the disappointment.
In order to move past it, you’ll need to genuinely feel it first. So take the time you need to feel bummed, disappointed, angry, frustrated, upset, whatever. And then you can move on to the fun, playful part of the process!
- Surround yourself with other tricksters.
The best way to channel the trickster energy is to surround yourself with other tricksters. Their outlook on life will start to rub off on you!
Chances are, you’ll be able to identify the tricksters in your life pretty quickly. They may look like entrepreneurs, travelers, or writers. Or people who have tons of friends, people who are spearheading projects, people who are passionate about something.
If you can’t find any tricksters in your personal life, I recommend you immerse yourself in the work of Tim Ferriss, Benjamin Hardy, Elizabeth Gilbert, Anita Moorjani, Glennon Doyle-Melton (now Glennon Doyle-Wambach), and Ramit Sethi. They will give you the trickster inspiration you need! - Maintain a “trickster tracker.” In other words, keep your eyes and ears open for interesting opportunities. For instance, one of my friends on Facebook moved to a gorgeous apartment in Mexico for an incredibly affordable price. I wrote that information down. If you see something that piques your interest in any way, jot it down and come back to it later.
- Write a note to your subconscious mind before you go to bed. According to Harry Carpenter, author of The Genie Within, your subconscious mind can help you solve problems, even while you’re asleep.
You see, the brain never sleeps. By giving a problem to your mind to solve before bedtime, you can wake up with newfound clarity, with fresh ideas.
Life rewards the tricksters, and remember, according to Elizabeth Gilbert, they always endure. How do you plan on being more like the trickster? Let me know in the comments below!
By Jessica Marshall Jessica Marshall is a writer, breakthrough-guru, and the co-founder of Your Velveteen Life. Joined by her sister, Shannon, she’s on a mission to help millennial women achieve their goals in half the time through the power of intentional travel. Go to their website www.yourvelveteenlife.com, and get their free, word-for-word scripts to wow your friends and family when they ask you that dreaded question, “So what have you been up to these days?”
HOW TO STAY WITHIN YOUR BUDGET THIS HALLOWEEN
Halloween marks the start of the holiday shopping season and can be more trick than treat on a budget. Here’s a few creative ideas worth considering to make sure the ghouls don’t spoil your fun!
- Check out your closets and make your own costumes.
- Give out loose change, coupons, or odds ‘n ends for treats.
- Bake cookies or other tidbits for treats.
- If you haven’t already stored decorations from last year, use natural decorations like leaves, branches, pine cones, or make decorations with the kids using art supplies on hand.
- Use make-up on hand rather than buying special make-up for costumes.
- Have a community pot-luck rather than cooking yourself.
- Find music or sound effects on the Internet to play for mood.
- Donate left over costumes/decorations to a charity and get a tax deduction.
- Pick apples from local apple trees, wash them & give as treats.
- Ration the treats you give out and allow your kids to eat (may also save on dental bills!)