Spring, Passover, Easter… The Season of Rebirth!
by Terrence Shulman
As most of us slough off this long, hard, cold winter and wait in anticipation for the new buds of spring, Passover and Easter remind us of the triumphs of breaking free and being reborn. You don’t have to be religious to embrace these universal themes and journeys.
Passover and Easter usually fall in late March to mid-April harbingers of spring. Both holidays celebrate the movement from sorrow to joy, darkness to light, death to rebirth. For Passover, it’s the remembrance of the ancient Hebrews enslavement in Egypt and their eventual (and miraculous) exodus across the Red Sea into the promised land. With Easter, we observe the remembrance of Christ’s crucifixion and his eventual (and miraculous) resurrection 3 days later.
I was brought up Jewish and, while I don’t consider myself very religious, I have fond memories of celebrating Passover and continue to do so. Out of all the Jewish holidays, Passover has always seemed to me the most interesting with its theme of freedom, its numerous Seder table rituals, the food and wine, and the fact that it’s one of the more family-oriented holidays, often celebrated at one’s home.
I grew up in Detroit in the ’60s and 70’s. I remember being curious about Easter which most of my neighbors and friends celebrated. I often partook of painting (and hiding) eggs and was fascinated with the chocolate bunnies! I didn’t really understand the religious significance of the holiday back then. But over the last 18 years since I’ve been in an interfaith relationship, I’ve observed and celebrated Eastermostly, like Passover, for its rituals, fine food, and gathering of family.
This year, my wife and I are not certain how we’ll be observing Passover as my 92-year old uncle Joe–the
host and guardian of the Seder–passed away 16 month sago. For several years until recently, my wife and
I hosted a Seder at our home for neighbors and friends, both Jewish and not Jewish. And, this Easter
Sunday, we’re still uncertain if we’ll be gathering with her family or friends.
Sometimes I think, cynically, that holidays are just a prompt to get us to buy stuff and eat a lot; other times, I think it’s just an excuse (usually a wonderful one) to gather and bond with family. I’m not convinced about the accuracy and truth of most holiday stories, but, as I’ve written before, I do my best to appreciate their metaphoric value and to see if I can find meaning in relation to my current life. I encourage you to do so as well.
When I think about the shift from winter to spring, I think of rebirth of lifeflowers, trees, and of increased light and joy. I recall another tough-weathered season that toughened my soul but wore out its welcome. I also look forward to my own personal, professional, and spiritual growth and to shed off some of the old and obsolete patterns that no longer serve me.
This is a great time to ask ourselves the following questions: What did I learn during my winter slumber? What have I been enslaved to and how am I finding new freedom from this? How have I recently died (symbolically) and who has this process given rebirth to?
When is it time to take a stand and when is it time to let go and surrender? When is it time to uproot and make an exodus and when is it time to allow ourselves to be nailed to the cross in the name of something bigger than ourselves? Standing up for ourselves, for a cause, and/or for others can be hard. And we may suffer for it and die in some sense to be reborn. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Jesus and Moses certainly went through their trials and tribulations but they have endured as symbols of strength and transformation for millions.
Many of us feel as if we’ve wandered “40 years” between enslavement and freedom, have felt crucified and resurrected and those budding flowers of spring both delicate and strong beyond measure, we face the cycle of the seasons within and without. But we can endure, we can grow, we can move toward freedom.
So, what has died (or is dying) in you in order to be reborn? What is emerging?
I just celebrated 33 years of recovery last month. I can see how far I’ve come not only in my recovery but in my life. I feel blessed to have had so many opportunities in my recovery and in my work to meet and help others and to be a voice for hope and recovery. I continue to experience periodic doubts and insecurities, frustration and impatience around finances and where my path may lead. But, I hope, I can learn to speak my truth more, take myself and life more lightly, trust I will be provided for, and balance work and play. In other words, I hope the Terry I am continues to become more himself.
We may look at the world around us and see deep darkness: endless war, environmental decay, political polarization, and the lingering legacy of discrimination and prejudice in many forms. I try to remember the symbolism of the Hebrews “breakthrough” and subsequent 40 years of wandering in the desert before finding higher ground. I try to remember the persecution of Jesus and his suffering on the cross but try not to dwell on the crucifixion but, rather, on the resurrection. May we all acknowledge our individual and collective suffering but also claim our victory over it. May we appreciate the beautiful rituals of Passover and Easter and the food and family and also appreciate the opportunity to start again, to renew, to be reborn, to find freedom and believe in miracles, in the impossible, once again.
KEEPING DEBTS SECRET IS OFTEN WORSE FOR MARRIAGES THAN CHEATING
Lies about secret accounts and credit cards are destroying marriages at an alarming rate
by Adam Bulger (Fatherly, March 3, 2023)
Maybe it’s a credit card, a secret bank account, or a delinquent student loan debt. Whatever it is, it’s been kept secret from a husband or wife because they don’t need to know about it. It’s not discussed but it’s not that important. It isn’t like it’s an affair. There’s no harm in keeping it secret.
But there is a great deal of harm that can come to a marriage when accounts, debts, and purchases are kept hidden. And, as it turns out, this financial infidelity is more common that one might think. A recent creditcard.com survey, for example, found that 29 million Americans one out of every five people living with a spouse or partner are keeping a bank or credit card account secret. The same survey also found that 20 percent of consumers felt that financial infidelity is worse than having an affair.
Considering how sacred texts from the Ten Commandments to Beyonce’s Lemonade warn against
adultery, it may seem counterintuitive to think that financial dalliances could be worse than physical ones.
But, San Francisco Bay-area wealth advisor Brent Thomas says, whether it’s in a bedroom or on a balance
ledger, a betrayal is a betrayal.
“Breaking trust in a relationship is damaging any way you do it,” Thomas said. “So whether your spouse catches you lying, your spouse catches you cheating, or your spouse catches you doing something with the finances that are inappropriate.”
Physical affairs are atom bombs. They decimate years of trust built up in a relationship. Partners have invested so much time, energy, and emotion into establishing a healthy marriage. Once the lies are revealed, a spouse suddenly transforms into an untrustworthy stranger. The other person feels alone and unsure of who they can rely on.
“It forces you to ask ‘How well do you really know your partner?’ ‘How much is my partner withholding?’ ‘How much is your partner going to continue withholding?,” said Aaron Anderson, owner and counselor at the Marriage and Family Clinic in Colorado “It just creates insecurity. It creates questions about the future.”
Financial infidelity brings the same emotional toll as standard infidelity while also exposing the wronged spouse to another form of agony: they might also be broke and saddled with debts for the rest of their lives. Their life and lifestyle was nothing more than an illusion.
As Tina B. Tessina, PhD, a psychotherapist and author of How to Be Happy Partners: Working It Out Together noted, financial infidelity hurts on both emotional and practical levels.
“The betrayal and broken trust are very similar,” Tessina said. “It’s a slow process for the couple to recreate trust and honesty. In the case of financial infidelity, if it’s bad, the couple may have a lot of rebuilding to do, getting themselves out of the debt created.”
Modern life has made financial infidelity more of a concern than before. As couples aremarrying later in life and it’s likely that both spouses work, people often come into marriage with a defined sense of financial independence, disclosing finances can feel uncomfortable, even intrusive. Instead of having a shared pool of money, many couples have separate accounts, split housing costs, and take individual responsibility for utilities and other expenses. In addition, technology makes it nearly effortless to keep shameful debts or secret spends secret.
“In the past, when somebody got a credit card, there was almost always mail coming to the house,” said Thomas. “The statement would show up every month and if you’re taking the mail, you’d notice a statement for a credit card you don’t recognize. But in this day and age, a lot of those things are done electronically. And if you’re not checking their email, then how are you going to know that there’s a new credit card statement?”
Some financial infidelities, of course, are obvious. There’s, say, the sudden and unexpected appearance of a pile of Amazon packages on your doorstep or a new sports car in the driveway.
But there are much subtler red flags to look out for, per Tessina, including a partner’s newfound obsessive behavior, changes in temperament, refusal to talk, and sudden interest in secrecy.
As devastating as adultery can be, it’s at least a concept that couples intuitively understand. That’s not true of financial infidelity.
For this reason, financial matters need to be communicated about early and often in a relationship. Because, as Anderson observed, most people don’t discuss financial infidelity until there’s a problem.
“Nobody sits down and defines these boundaries,” Anderson said. “And until one of the boundaries have been crossed and a lot of times the partner doesn’t even know they’re crossing that boundary.”
Most Americans Think Lying About Money Is As Bad as Cheating.
Happy Spring 2023!
MOST AMERICANS THINK LYING ABOUT MONEY IS AS BAD AS CHEATING!
New survey finds that 54% say financial infidelity can be just as bad as cheating.
by
Devan McGuinness
(Fatherly, Feb. 7, 2023)
Talking about finances in a relationship can be awkward, difficult, and uncomfortable. Talking about budgets, spending habits, or debt can lead to frustration and downright arguing. But one thing you should apparently never do is lie about finances at least according to a new survey.
An new survey commissioned by Forbes Advisor and conducted by Prolific, a market research company, found that 54% of poll respondents said financial infidelity can be just as bad as cheating. The study also found that not only is financial lying damaging to a relationship – it’s also common problem.
The online survey polled 1,000 adults in the United States, collected on January 11, 2023, with debt statistics pulled from Experian.
Despite people feeling so strongly about financial lying, 35% of adults admitted to lying to a partner about
their money. The survey found that the lies were most commonly either about a purchase (49%) or debt
(37%), and that women are more likely to lie about their savings than men, but men are more likely to lie
about investments than women.
The reasons for lying vary, too, with 35% of those surveyed saying they lie because they feel shame about mishandling money, while 32% lie to avoid arguing, with 40% feel like they had to lie to keep their relationship.
“Financial infidelity is more common than people may realize and can be just as violating and hurtful as romantic infidelity,” consumer finance and budgeting expert Andrea Woroch told Forbes Advisor. “Considering that [the majority] of couples fight over money, there’s a lot of room for financial cheating, especially when one person in a relationship feels pressure to spend less or is dealing with a problematic financial issue such as gambling or a shopping addiction.”
Talking about money and finances isn’t always the easiest conversation to have with your partner. However, this isn’t the first survey that hints at how damaging not being truthful about finances can be or a partnership. These conversations don’t have to be hard, but they do need to be had.
Getting on the same page about your finances, including defining major purchases, setting financial goals, being realistic about your assets and debt, and defining priorities, are essential, ongoing conversations that are a major part of maintaining a healthy partnership.
You can check out the full results of the survey onForbes Advisor.
NATIONAL SPRING CLEANING WEEK:
Sunday March 26 — Sunday April 2, 2023
Go beyond the weekly dusting, sweeping and mopping
to get your home deep-cleaned all in just one day!
by Lynn Andriani
Spring-Cleaning That Won’t Take Over Your Life: 8 Hours, Start to Finish
9 Α.Μ.-10 A.M.: Bathroom
Vacuum and wipe the walls and ceilings. If you clear them annually of the almost imperceptible grime that builds up, then you won’t have to deal with the impossible-to-remove kind that can accumulate if they’re left untouched for a few years. Vacuum first, using the brush attachment. Then, wipe them with all-purpose cleaner, which is fine for painted walls. Don’t forget the wall that’s behind you every morning when you do your hair and makeup; it could be coated in hairspray, perfume or other beauty products.
Toss any throw rugs into the washing machine.
Wash mirrors and the insides of windows. Use microfiber cloths (they won’t leave lint).
Spray and soak. Steve Mulloy, director of housekeeping at Hilton Orlando Bonnet Creek, recommends rubbing strong cleaning agents into shower walls, tubs, floors and sinks and then leaving to handle a task in another room. Fifteen or 20 minutes later (you can go move the rugs from the washer to the dryer), come back and rinse everything from the top down, starting with the showerhead. Take the same tack with the toilet, moving from the top of the tank to the rim, bowl and base. And don’t use the cloths you used in the bathroom anywhere else before laundering them in very hot water.
Rinse the floor. After you’ve let the cleanser soak, as mentioned above, wipe the floor with a water-soaked mop on your way out.
10 Α.Μ.-12:30 P.M.: Bedrooms
Vacuum and wipe walls and ceilings, and dust all surfaces. Pay special attention to switch plates and the outside edges of doors, where people tend to grab.
Let it breathe. A good airing will reduce the allergens and germs in mattresses, even if you can’t lug them outside. Follow the advice of the Victorian era’s go-to guide, Mrs. Beeton’s Book of Household Management: “Throw the bed open, by taking off the clothes; open the windows (except in rainy weather), and leave the room to air.” In Mrs. Beeton’s day, housemaids left the windows open for a half hour, but if it isn’t too cold, a few hours is even better.
Head to the washing machine. Once all the linens-sheets, pillowcases, quilts, duvet covers, mattress pads, dust ruffles, shams are off the beds, wash them in order of what goes on the bed first (i.e., start with dust ruffles and mattress pads; end with shams) so you can put them back on the beds as they come out of the dryer and not have to worry about them sitting in a heap and getting wrinkled. If you’re switching over to lighter quilts, wash the winter bedding before putting it away, because moths and other insects are attracted to body oil, perspiration and perfume.
Clean window treatments. For heavy drapes, use the upholstery attachment on your vacuum, or have them dry-cleaned; light drapes can go in the dryer on the fluff cycle with a dryer sheet.
Wash mirrors and the insides of windows.
Shampoo or steam-clean wall-to-wall carpets and area rugs. Some manufacturers will void the warranty if you can’t prove that you’ve had your carpets professionally cleaned every year. Either buy a professional- grade carpet cleaner (which costs around $400) or rent one (many supermarkets now offer this service).
12:30 Ρ.Μ.-2 P.M.: Kitchen
Clean the refrigerator and freezer. Empty the contents, store them in a cooler, turn off the fridge, and let the shelves and drawers come to room temperature before you wash them, since glass and ceramic parts could crack if they come into contact with hot water when they are cold. (You can move to the next task while you’re waiting.) Once they’ve warmed up, wipe with a mixture of 2 tablespoons baking soda and a quart of hot water. Rinse and dry. Go over the door seals with hot water and mild dishwashing liquid, and pluck out crumbs and other debris. Dry them well.
Degrease cooking appliances. Take off stove grates and other removable parts, and scrub them with soapy steel wool pads (if the grease just won’t come off, try letting them sit overnight in an airtight bag with a quarter cup of ammonia; the next day, wipe them with a clean cloth). Clean the oven. To get stuck-on food particles off the inside of the microwave, put a microwave-safe bowl of water with some lemon juice inside and heat it to boiling for 2 or 3 minutes. The steam will loosen gunk, and the lemon’s acid will help lift grease.
Clean window treatments and wash the insides of windows.
Wash surfaces and cabinets. The tops of cabinets and the fridge may be sticky from grease, so a solution of warm water and dishwashing liquid will work best. You can also use the mixture in drawers and on shelves (and spray antibacterial cleanser inside the cabinet where you store trash). Pay attention to the utensils drawer and the pantry, since they collect the most crumbs.
Sweep, vacuum and mop floors.
2 P.M.-5 P.M.: Living Room, Family Room and Dining Room
Dust ceiling fans. Donna Smallin, author of The One-Minute Cleaner, prefers an extendable duster with a microfiber head that bends to a 90-degree angle so she doesn’t have to get on a ladder. It’s also useful for
the tops of bookcases and shelves.
Vacuum and wipe walls and ceilings.
Care for your couch. Sofas and upholstered chairs get tons of use. Yet, says Sim Fern, co-founder of Mod Restoration, a furniture-repair shop in Brooklyn, some people never clean them. Just because you don’t see stains doesn’t mean there aren’t dust mites present (they feed on skin flakes shed by humans and animal dander). Many Lowe’s and Home Depot stores rent upholstery-cleaning machines or carpet-cleaning machines with upholstery wands, which will give your sofa and chairs a deep clean.
Wash your lightbulbs. Give them a wipe with a damp microfiber cloth, since a dirty bulb emits 20 percent less light.
Clean window treatments and wash the insides of windows.
Clean and dust electronics. Spray compressed air into crevices. Then, moving from top to bottom, use microfiber or electrostatic cloths. Clean underneath speakers, stereos, computers, DVD players and TVs too. Wipe away from ventilation areas so you don’t push dust back in.
Sweep out your fireplace, storing unused logs.
Clean the carpets.
Order pizza for dinner.
HAVE A SAFE MONTH & HOLIDAYS! AND REMEMBER: LIFE IS WHAT WE MAKE OF IT!