HINDSIGHT IS 2020;
FORESIGHT IS IN THE YEAR 2020
Challenges and Predictions in The New Year/Decade
by Terrence Shulman
In my lead-in article in my December 2016 e-Newsletter, I wrote the following short paragraph: Well, the U.S. election is over… Whether you’re elated, demoralized, or utterly indifferent about the recent election of President-elect Donald Trump, one thing is for sure…. we Americans (and perhaps those outside our borders) are in for a different and unpredictable ride.
What’s also clear is that the United States is as divided and polarized as ever. Dr. John Gray should write a sequel entitled something like “Democrats Are from Jupiter, Republicans Are from Saturn”as we seem as far apart from understanding and respecting each other as we’ve ever been. While many may be understandably jaded and skeptical, I would encourage all to root for our President and our Congress to use their power mindfully and maturely. I am rooting for this. I hope you are, too.
Here we are… three years later… and….?
What do I want for Christmas? My country back! Ah…. I guess that’s how the “other half” feels, too.
My main article in that e-Newsletter 3 years ago was entitled “A Holiday Year-End Edition of: What Were They Thinking?” My article highlighted (or lowlighted) various contenders–mostly those in the public eye– who committed various egregious, unethical and/or illegal acts and who–assumedly–thought they could get away with it. The list included people like former short-term National Security Adviser Michael Flynn, Harvey Weinstein, The Russians, Bill Cosby, Kevin Spacey, Louis C.K, Bill O’Reilly, Charlie Rose, Matt Lauer, Roy Moore, Al Franken, and President Donald Trump.
I don’t know about you, but I’d say that the idea of “justice” isn’t clearly or universally agreed upon and here, by my count, are those who’ve met with some justice, those who’ve escaped justice, and those who are still waiting for their “day in court.”
If anything is clear–to me at least–is that we, as a nation, are even more divided about our agreement on “facts” and, even when we agree on the facts, we don’t necessarily agree on right vs. wrong. It seems like there is more monkey business going on than ever before and–to use a “Star Wars” analogy: one side has to be the Empire (bad guys) and another side has to be the Rebels (good guys).
But is it ever that simple? We are in a looming civil Civil War. We can’t even talk to our own family or friends about politics anymore. Our nation is changing. The goal posts are being moved. Some feel this is good, some feel it’s not. Rome may be about to fall again.
We have met the enemy. It is among us. It is us!
I also wrote the following: I suppose, on a bright note, we could subscribe to one of these philosophies:
- that things need to get worse before they get better;
- our idols often need to fall in order for naivete to be transformed into maturity;
- draining the swamp means dealing with a lot of swamp monsters;
- we’ll need to reach a critical mass of public outrage before anything changes; and
- sometimes you gotta blow up everything in order to start fresh!
But now, three years later, I feel like I don’t know anything anymore. There’s such uncertainty about who to trust, if the systems will work as they’re supposed to work.
Here’s some possibilities of what could happen politically (not an all-inclusive list):
- President Trump gets impeached by the House and Senate and resigns;
- President Trump gets impeached by the House and Senate and doesn’t resign (does he get dragged out?)
- President Trump gets impeached by the House but not by the Senate and finishes his term in office but doesn’t get re-elected;
- President Trump gets impeached by the House but not by the Senate and finishes his term in office and gets re-elected;
- Aliens invade and take over the world. (I know, some think this has already happened!); or
- Climate change accelerates or nuclear war occurs and make our decisions for us. SAD!
I wonder how the country can ever come together again in any significant way. But, I guess we can ponder how resilient our nation has been in the past, how individuals, couples, and families can and do reconcile after terrible fractures (unless they don’t).
And will we ever get back to some semblance of agreement on what “the truth” is? Even various religions can have different ideas of what “the truth” is about God, heaven, and other matters but still respect the others’ beliefs and practices. I imagine that happens when there is some humility in recognizing a universal truth such as “we’re all God’s children” or “we’re all entitled to practice freedom of belief, including religious belief.”
As far as I’ve read, most Republicans “secretly” believe that the President is not a good man or a good
president and that he’s committed high crimes and misdemeanors worth of impeachment. However, I’ve also
read that they’ve made the political calculation that to challenge him will risk their political careers. I’ve also
read that, unlike during he Nixon impeachment when the senators saw public opinion fully turn against the
Nixon the Republicans are waiting to see if the masses turn on Trump. So far, most polls show that just over
50% of the public favors impeaching AND removing the President from office.
As 2020 approaches, a lot can happen in the next year here in the U.S. and across the globe. As a recovering addict, I plan to practice the “one day at a time slogan” more than ever to keep my sanity. One thing seems certain: we’ll need great faith and great action to save our nation, ourselves, and the world.
RICH ROBBERS: WHY WEALTHY PEOPLE SHOPLIFT
by
Rene Chun
(The Guardian UK, November 4, 2019)
Evidence suggests the rich actually do steal more than the poor and shoplifting is only ‘the first layer of the onion’
A 2018 National Retail Federation study pegged the cost of ‘return fraud’ at a staggering $18.4 billion.
On 6 April 2019, a man was arrested at the Kmart in Key West, Florida, after returning purchases for refunds. There was just one problem: the packaging he returned didn’t contain the original products.
According to the police report, his bait-and-switch scam included two coffee makers a Keurig ($153.99) and a Hamilton Beach ($54.99). But inside the returned Keurig box was a deflated basketball, and a heavily used coffee machine was stuffed into the other box.
Reached by phone, the man denied the charge he was booked on – first-degree petit larceny, a misdemeanor that covers a theft of property valued between $100 and $300. In a rambling, vague explanation, he stated: “There’s an attorney, and I believe that he’s found some other people, relating to the store, who are involved. That’s all I can say right now.” The case is pending.
There’s nothing unusual about this type of shoplifting. A 2018 National Retail Federation study pegged the cost of “return fraud” at a staggering $18.4bn. What is unusual is that this shoplifting suspect, Andrew Francis Lippi III, is rich. A week before his Kmart arrest, he paid $8m for an island in the Florida Keys.
Kabinet Bangoura, the Kmart loss prevention manager who scanned hours of surveillance video to build the case, is blunt about Lippi’s motivation: “Millionaires think they’re above the law and can get away with anything.”
While it’s impossible to profile shoplifters the crime transcends gender, age and all socio-demographic strata, and about one in 11 people commit it evidence suggests the rich actually do steal more than the
poor. The paper cited most often to support this theory, Prevalence and Correlates of Shoplifting in the United States (American Journal of Psychology, 2008), states that people with incomes of $70,000 shoplift 30% more than those earning $20,000 a year.
A federal lawyer proved that point last year when she was caught swiping $257.99 worth of cosmetics from a
military base store in Quantico, Virginia. This unnamed FBI employee later confessed to that theft and
several previous shoplifting sprees in the area. More recently, in September, Sgt Eva Pena of the New York
police department was suspended from her job after she was allegedly caught stealing clothing valued at $359 from a Macy’s store. This wasn’t a crime of poverty. Pena, whose 2018 salary was $107,809, drove to court in a white Mercedes to enter her not guilty plea.
So why do otherwise law-abiding (and well-off) citizens ignore their better angels and go full Winona Ryder? The answer depends on which expert you consult. Every psychiatrist, substance abuse counselor and social scientist has a theory to explain this counterintuitive behavior.
“Stealing is just the first layer of the onion,” explains Terrence Shulman, the founder of the Shulman Center for Compulsive Theft, Spending and Hoarding. “Beneath that are all the unresolved losses, traumas, abuses and repressed memories.” He emphasizes that these psychic scars aren’t always rooted in the past. Tragic events like a recent divorce, a bankruptcy or death in the family could trigger a shoplifting episode. “These people are self-medicating. Theft becomes their drug of choice,” he says.
Psychologists have a label for this maladaptive behavior: nonsensical shoplifting, or shoplifting not apparently motivated by need or desire. Depression and trauma, stressors and triggers are often brought up when a celebrity shoplifting bust hits the newsfeeds. Not everyone, however, believes that nonsensical shoplifting is a layer of an onion or a coping mechanism.
Psychologist Stanton E Samenow, the author of The Myth of the Out of Character Crime, is convinced wealthy people shoplift because, as he puts it: “Why buy it if you can steal it?” He disparages all the exculpatory data: “There’s always an attempt to ascribe criminality to circumstances outside the individual or some psychological disability. It’s the unconscious ‘cry for help’ or the person is seeking psychological punishment. These theories are old and shopworn.”
Samenow recounts a case study, a patient that he treated several years ago: “He had more than enough money to buy the item. He took it for the thrill of it, to outsmart the establishment. He enjoyed every aspect of shoplifting: scanning the aisles for the objects, looking for the exits, trying to outsmart the surveillance and store personnel, the theft and the getaway. This was all about excitement and building up one’s self-worth.”
Psychiatrist Jon Grant, a University of Chicago professor, agrees that shoplifting may often elicit a sense of euphoria. But he’s quick to add that once the adrenaline rush subsides, a darker side of this compulsion manifests itself. “I see shoplifting as an addiction,” he says. “The people I treat really hate the fact that they steal. They enjoy the thrill but then almost instantly beat themselves up for the behavior. They have lots of guilt and frequently think about and attempt suicide because of their behavior.”
Social hierarchies is an established field of psychology that focuses on the effects of wealth, power and privilege. The study results in this area are remarkably consistent: the rich tend to be unethical, and are more likely to cheat and steal than the poor are. In one experiment, the drivers of luxury cars were less likely to obey the right-of-way laws at a busy four-way intersection than the drivers of cheaper or older model cars. Then there’s the grim and troubling “candy experiment”, where researchers observed wealthy people remove twice as much candy from a jar that had been earmarked for children than people of more modest means did. Experiments have also shown that wealthy people are more likely to cheat on their taxes and their romantic partners.
One theory to explain this contrast in behavior is that low-income people are less likely to cheat and steal because they are more invested in their communities and fear being publicly humiliated. Conversely, the rich harbor feelings of entitlement and self-interest, which destabilizes their moral compass. Here’s another factor that may apply: the poor have a heightened fear of authority figures, and the rich do not. There’s a Kmart security guy in Florida who could have told you that.
INSIDE THE DESTRUCTIVE LIFE OF A SHOPPING ADDICT
by
Jane Ridley and Michael Kaplan (New York Post, November 24, 2019)
At the height of her shopping addiction, Lisa, a 56-year-old registered nurse, had blown through her and her husband’s $10K of savings, taken out three clandestine loans and accrued $50K in credit-card debt.
Another thing the out-of-control spending cost Lisa? Her marriage.
“I did all kinds of things I’m not proud of,” says Lisa, a mother of two from the Houston, Texas-area who asked The Post not to use her last name for privacy reasons.
The days between Black Friday and Dec. 25 make for an especially challenging time of year for people like Lisa who are compulsive shoppers. They’re believed to make up about 5 percent of the population, according to 2015 research that ran in the journal Addiction.
“The addiction affects both men and women,” explains Terrence Shulman, founder and director of The Shulman Center for Compulsive Theft, Spending and Hoarding. “And it’s definitely on the rise because of easy access to the internet.”
And while compulsive shopping might strike some as a frivolous problem, it can lead to a path of deception that has serious consequences.
“I lied to my dad and got him to co-sign for a loan,” says Lisa, whom Shulman dubs a “trophy shopper,” because she is a “big game hunter” who treasures extravagant, high-status products.
She bought her 9-year-old daughter a $1,200 diamond-and-ruby necklace. Her son received a $1K football signed by former Dallas Cowboys star Tony Romo. The booty for herself included $1K handbags by Kate Spade, a $500 purse from Betsey Johnson and the pièce de résistance a $10K diamond ring from De Beers.
‘I did all kinds of things I’m not proud of.”
“[The band] made me feel as if I had found true happiness,” recalls Lisa. “I felt that, once I had this trophy, I would need nothing more – until that item got old, and I discovered something else that would make me feel like that all over again.”
Drowning in debt and crippled with guilt, Lisa eventually confessed to her husband. He was horrified by his wife’s spending and the couple divorced in 2002. Happily, they reunited “He said he couldn’t live without me,” says Lisa and the couple remarried in 2010.
But she still hadn’t learned her lesson. She continued spending on goods from brands such as Michael Kors, Coach and Dooney & Bourke.
It wasn’t until two years ago that Lisa consulted with Shulman, who made her realize she was committing “financial infidelity” by continuing to lie to her husband about her spending. Shulman instructed her not to buy anything for six weeks and to pay off her $600 credit-card bill and $379 monthly car loan under full supervision of her spouse. This holiday season, she’s planning to resist her usual habit of last-minute impulse buying.
“I’m trying really hard,” says the nurse. “I couldn’t carry on doing what I was doing.”
She maintains her issues stem from an unhappy childhood in which love was expressed through material things. “Gifts were the love language,” she adds. “My mother was narcissistic and emotionally immature.”
Brenda Connell has also searched for reasons behind her five-decades-long shopping addiction.
Her mother always subscribed to retail therapy. “It was a form of filling a void and retaliating against my father when things weren’t going well,” says the 70-year-old grandmother.
Connell, of Springs Lake, Michigan, was never short of money after marrying an orthodontist. She splurged on toys and clothes for their four kids and indulged her love for seasonal décor, especially golden Christmas ornaments from Danbury Mint.
Her go-to store was the now-shuttered Jacobson’s in Grand Rapids where she’d buy “cute clothes, shoes and boots.”
“I got a buzz from finding a really good deal,” she says.
She also did everything she could to hide the sheer volume of her shopping.
“It got to the stage where I’d leave my purchases in the car until I thought it was [safe] to incorporate them into the home,” she says.
Things got worse after she divorced in 2000. Her ex would give the children “generous” checks for Christmas. “I felt like I had to compete,” says Connell. “Despite my relatively modest income, I’d buy my daughters and son gift cards totaling $1,000 each for the holidays. It all added up.”
The retired nurse now lives with her second husband, a former pilot. With his help, Connell faced her demons and visited the Shulman Center in 2017. By that time, she had racked up $30K in credit-card debt.
“I knew I had to come up with a way of not only paying back that money, but also stopping the behaviors,” she recalls.
A combination of talk therapy and support groups helped Connell manage her shopaholism. She sought advice from Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University and the married couple refinanced their mortgage to pay off the $30K.
They no longer buy expensive presents or gift cards for their family members.
Instead, Connell gives what she calls “service gifts” to her relatives. She will get down and landscape their backyards or baby-sit. In the run-up to this Christmas, she is sewing miniature quilts for two of her four grandchildren to place on antique toy bunk beds she used to play with as a girl.
“You don’t have to spend a lot over the holidays,” says Connell. “Something heartfelt means so much more.” Enlarge Image
Connell is making quilts as gifts.
SPENDING FREEZE
Whether you have a bona fide addiction or just need to suppress your inner Santa, therapist Terrence Shulman shares tips for tamping down holiday-season splurging.
Make a list of what you need then pass it off. Find a trusted friend to pick up only these items for you. To keep things light, you can say, “I’m afraid if I go into the store, I will turn into Santa Claus and can’t afford it this year.”
Leave the credit card at home. Travel to your shopping destination without any plastic at all. In Shulman’s experience, hardcore spenders make excuses and worry about what they will do in the unlikely event of, say, a flat tire. “With debtors, there’s a tendency to catastrophize, but just remember that these situations are rare and you’ll be OK.”
Skip in-person shopping on banner sale days. While crowd-drawing clearance sales are alluring, Shulman suggests avoiding them. Yes, prices may be a little lower, but they turn into buying bacchanals, causing you to scoop up stuff you never needed in the first place just because it’s a deal.
Let your cart languish. When making non-essential purchases online, put the item into a virtual shopping cart for 24 hours. It will give you a day to decide whether or not you really want to purchase that super-powerful garden hose when you already own a perfectly serviceable one.
Use an app to keep you accountable. Recording your purchases is “a very confronting experience that wakes you up,” says Shulman. Pick an app that allows you to create a budget, track spending and know when you are busting through your predetermined limit. Shulman likes Wally.