Ho-Ho-Ho? Oh-Oh-Oh? Or No-No-No? What Will The Holidays Bring?
by
Terrence Shulman
Turkey Day is history. Say goodbye to Black Friday and Cyber Monday. But this next month of December– the last month of 2022–could bring the best of times, the worst of times, a bit-of-both, or simply be “meh.”
Certainly, how our holidays go–as how our lives and/or any day goes-largely depends on our attitudes, expectations, and preparations (physically, mentally, emotionally, relationally, financially, and spiritually).
But, few would deny that this end year–sure, not unlike most previous years–could and probably will set a tone for the new year 2023.
While preliminary economic figures–including robust early holiday consumer spending–suggest that we’re slowly leveling from a year of inflation, supply issues, a roller coaster housing market, a stock-market and cryptocurrency free-fall, and rapidly rising interest rates, I imagine I’m not the only one holding my breath and hoping for the best.
Whether you were happy or not with the recent national, state, and local political election results earlier this month, I’m hoping that most of us at least let out a sigh of relief that democracy held, a record number of citizens voted in these midterms, and reported political violence was virtually non-existent.
We still have to wait to witness and feel the vibe as the new year begins, some government servants leave, new ones arrive, the Republican control the House of Representatives, and Donald Trump’s political and legal trials and tribulations heat up.
The more recent war in Ukraine just passed the 9-month mark as the world waits to see if or when there will be peace.
There are protests in Iran, China and even–to a lesser degree–in Qatar: the current host of this year’s Men’s World Cup.
Crime and mass shootings have spiked here in the U.S. as have Covid, RSV, and this year’s flu strain(s).
Are our individual and collective holiday baskets half-empty or half-full? Perhaps, both.
As I think about this past year (2022) and the fast-approaching new year (2023), I’m sure I’m not alone in feeling mixed emotions.
On the one hand, I’m surviving and still have plenty to be grateful for, including the following:
- At age 57, I still feel relatively healthy of body, mind, and spirit… doing my best to take life one-day- at-a-time, knowing things can change on a dime for myself and my loved ones;
- I have had another solid, steady year (my 18th) as a full-time, self-employed addiction therapist;
- I have a roof over my head, food in my fridge, a car that still runs, a furnace that still heats, health and relative financial security.insurance, On the other hand, I’m missing my Mom and Uncle Joe who both passed away last December, my beloved dog, Bam Bam, who made his transition this past March, and a slow-moving amicable separation and divorce from my wife of 20 years, Tina.
On the other hand, I’m missing my Mom and Uncle Joe who both passed away last December, my beloved dog Bam Bam, who made his transition this past March, and a slow-moving amicable separation and divorce from my wife of 20 years, Tina.
I know this last month of 2022 will be a mixed bag of emotions and I am pretty determined to get through them safely and in tact. But, we never know how loss and changes will ultimately impact us. There are many variables, possibilities and outcomes that we don’t (and can’t) “control.”
I leave you with several empowering quotes on the theme of life’s mysteries…
“If people sat outside and looked at the stars each night, I bet they’d live a lot differently.” Bill Watterson
“The eye is always caught by light, but shadows have more to say.”- Gregory Maguire
“You must have shadow and light source both. Listen, and lay your head under the tree of awe.”- Rumi
“Those who dwell among the beauties and mysteries of the earth are never alone or weary of life.”- Rachel Carson
“I wanted a perfect ending. Now I’ve learned, the hard way, that some poems don’t rhyme, and some stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what’s going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity.’ Gilda Radner
“I am learning to trust the journey even when I do not understand it.” Mila Bron
“The quieter you become, the more you are able to hear.”- Rumi
“Keep some room in your heart for the unimaginable.”- Mary Oliver
“People like you and I, though mortal of course, like everyone else, do not grow old no matter how long we live. What I mean is we never cease to stand like curious children before the great Mystery into which we were born.” – Albert Einstein
“There is no exquisite beauty… without some strangeness in the proportion.” Edgar Allen Poe
“The very least you can do in your life is to figure out what you hope for. And the most you can do is live
inside that hope, running down its hallways, touching the walls on both sides.” – Barbara Kingsolver
“The mystery of life isn’t a problem to solve, but a reality to experience. Frank Herbert
Happy Holidays Everyone!
WHY WE BUY THINGS WE DON’T NEED by Alana Semuels (Time Magazine, November 21, 2022)
$earching for an explanation for compulsive shopping, I recently ran across the story of a woman who couldn’t stop buying rabbits. Her husband told doctors that each day, she would visit the market and retum home with yet another furry creature in a compulsive habit that appeared almost like an addiction. Then she about all the rabbits she had purchased.
would feel guilty The reason this 70-year-old woman was suddenly buying so many rabbits? She had been diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease, which scientists believe is caused by a lack of dopamine in some parts of the brain, and she had then been put on drugs to trick her brain into believing it was getting the dopamine it needed. But some patients who received these “dopaminergic” drugs started compulsively shopping, gambling, and binge eating their brains were getting inundated with dopamine which made rewarding behavior feel even better than usual.
I think about the woman who bought so many rabbits every time I look at the many recent Amazon orders on my account, or receive a new package on my doorstep and scurry to move it inside so my neighbors don’t judge my consumption habits. I know that buying more new stuff is bad for the planet-the production and use of household goods and services was found to drive 60% of greenhouse gas emissions-but every time I buy something, I get a little jolt of happiness that’s hard to give up. Like the woman buying rabbits, I can’t stop.
But a new book has helped me understand that my desire to keep buying things isn’t necessarily a personal flaw-it’s the way our brains have evolved. And there may be a way to break the cycle.
“All things being equal, we are predisposed to try to acquire more and more stuff, and to try and work less to get it,” says Ann-Christine Duhaime, a Harvard neurosurgeon who explored how to rewire the human brain to stop needing more stuff in her new book, Minding the Climate: How Neuroscience Can Help Solve Our Environmental Crisis.
We are, after all, evolved from blobs that survived because their networks of cells learned to repeat decisions like moving towards a tasty treat or backing away from a predator. Today, we have some 86 billion neurons, the “action cells” in the brain, that are constantly creating circuits to reinforce rewarding behavior, releasing dopamine as they do so, in order to help us learn how to get a reward. We seek out those releases in dopamine, and at the same time, learn to repeat the actions that lead to them.
Our brains especially like it-and release more dopamine when we get an unexpected good reward, Duhaime says. Our ancestors likely learned the benefits of “intermittent small variable rewards,” as Duhaime calls them, to teach them to explore. Maybe they were walking through a new patch of woods and stumbled across an unexpected patch of blueberries, she writes. Different networks in their brains told them that the blueberries were a good thing, which also caused their brains to release dopamine, and they learned to repeat the behavior that led to the blueberries.
The good feeling associated with unexpected rewards is partly why we like shopping. Maybe you weren’t even thinking about buying watercolor paints and then you read something that reminded you that you like painting, and you went online to buy yourself some watercolor paints. Even better: the watercolor paints were less expensive than you expected and, when they arrived on your doorstep the next day, they were higher-quality than you thought they’d be. Your brain will be drawn to repeat the behavior that got you unexpected and good.
something You don’t buy those watercolor paints every day because the dopamine hit decreases every time you repeat the same new learned behavior. People get addicted to things when the appeal of getting that new, unexpected reward doesn’t fade with time, which helps explain why that woman who was on a drug that kept the dopamine flowing continued buying so many rabbits.
(Some scientists argue that modern society is so addicted to shopping because so many people are stuck in repetitive mind-numbing jobs-buying things is one of the few ways they are able to do something out of the ordinary.)
Of course, all humans are different, and our brains work differently depending on our genetics and our life experiences. Maybe you inherited a particular kind of receptor for a specific neurotransmitter that makes you react faster in a certain circumstance, so you take more risks than most people do. Or you might have learned in childhood that overspending can lead to poverty, which made you thrifty even if your parents weren’t.
A larger study of Parkinson’s patients published in 2010, for instance, found that not all people receiving dopamine treatments had a tendency to overshop. Those who had impulse control problems tended to be younger male smokers who lived in the U.S. and who had a family history of gambling, which suggested that both genetics and environment played a role.
That’s why Duhaime stresses that our brains are not “hard-wired” to keep consuming more and more. Yes, we have learned over time that the key to survival is acquiring more resources, but the brain also has a tremendous amount of plasticity. The challenge is that our systems are designed for short-term decision- making, and curtailing our own individual consumption for the long-term health of the planet may not benefit an individual person today. When a predator approached, we’d throw a rock at it and be rewarded, but the long-term deterioration of the planet is a little harder for the reward centers of our brains to understand, even if we are intellectually aware of it.
“The problem is, we topped out, and now more and more is bad for us,” Duhaime says. “It’s bad for us climate-wise, and it’s bad for us health-wise.”
The best way to alter the over-consumption habits that have gotten us here is not to stop buying things completely; a better solution may be to substitute new rewards for the old rewards that we know, in the long-term, aren’t good. I told Duhaime that as the days get shorter, I can’t stop eating chocolate just before bed for comfort, even though I know I don’t need the calories. She told me about her new before-bed treat: a glass of almond milk with a scoop of fancy cocoa powder, which gets her that same feeling of comfort without the calories of chocolate bars. Once she started losing weight, Duhaime says, the reward of being able to fit into her old clothes felt as good as the chocolate once did. We need that same substitution for shopping.
Buying used items, as I’ve written before, is an elegant substitution that could help fulfill our desire to acquire. You can buy something that’s new to you, and get that same good feeling of an unexpected reward without requiring a company to extract more resources from the earth.
Our current economy is still evolving toward a place where buying used items is rational; sometimes, buying new clothes online is cheaper and easier than buying old ones in a thrift store. But the secondhand market is growing and is projected to more than triple within the next decade. And even companies like Apple, which long resisted calls from consumer groups to allow customers to repair their devices, rather than just buying a new one, now has a Self Service Repair Store that provides repair manuals and genuine Apple parts.
Creating social rewards can also help nudge more people toward behavioral change, Duhaime says. There’s a reason humans still cooperate and share our brains get something out of having connections with other people. When like-minded people reinforce each other’s decisions-think about the successes of groups like Alcoholics Anonymous or Weight Watchers-they can help each other change. Already, there are so-called Buy Nothing groups cropping up, forming communities to help people exchange used goods -and there’s a hashtag #BuyNothingDay circulating on social media aimed at discouraging people from shopping unnecessarily on Black Friday.
Duhaime points to a successful project in the Netherlands called Eco-Team Programme, in which neighborhood teams got together to try and change their behavior, perhaps tracking the weight of the trash they generated or the amount of water they consumed. Over time, environmentally friendly habits replaced more harmful ones, as neighbors created new connections with each other by sharing the experience of changing their behavior. “If it’s not rewarding,” Duhaime says, “we simply won’t do it.”
Whether that approach would work in the U.S. is up for debate. There have been efforts to encourage similar behaviors. In his 1995 book, Ecoteam: A program empowering Americans to create earth-friendly lifestyles, David Gershon, an author and expert on social change, set out a strategy. It included forming teams of family members or neighbors and agreeing to some shared goals, like keeping their thermostats at 65°F or getting their names taken off junk mail lists.
Of course, the book is available on Amazon if you are hankering for something to buy.
Struggling with Mental Health, I Began to Shoplift…
It’s embarrassing to admit, but it turns out the link is not that uncommon
Perspective by Steven Petrow Washington Post
Contributing columnist
September 26, 2022
Many of us might not be ready to admit it, but the economy is likely to be touch-and-go in 2023. We’re already dealing with higher everyday expenses for food, gas and winter utility bills. Some are being hit by job cuts. Others are worried about sizable losses in their 401(k)s.
Why exactly do you want to be glaring at a pile of holiday-fueled credit card bills in late December or January? Seriously, is this really the year that the dog needs a new holiday sweater?
Lower- and middle-income consumers already feel the most pressure on their pocketbooks, thanks to higher prices for everyday necessities, according to experts at the National Retail Federation. They’re the most likely group to try to trim back spending where they can for the holidays.
The well-off are expected to pick up the slack.
On average, consumers are expected to spend around $832 each for holiday gifts and winter celebrations, according to the National Retail Federation. That’s down slightly from $879 in 2021. Even so, holiday retail sales during November and December are expected to grow between 6% and 8% over 2021 to between
$942.6 billion and $960.4 billion, according to the industry group. Last year’s holiday sales grew 13.5% over 2020.
“Higher-income households are going to plan to spend significantly more, on average, on holiday gifts and seasonal items,” Matt Shay, the president and CEO of the National Retail Federation, said during a press call in early November.
In general, he said, consumers are spending “more thoughtfully, a bit cautiously” and looking for discounts and ways to stretch their dollar. A strong labor market and built-up savings, though, will enable many to keep spending this holiday.
Even so, he noted: “Many households are going to supplement spending with savings and credit is going to provide a cushion.”
Again, is now really a good time to dip into savings and take on more credit card debt to cover a sackload of holiday gifts? Especially given the rising risks of a recession in 2023? University of Michigan economists Thursday said a mild recession is likely ahead in 2023, as the Federal Reserve continues to raise interest rates to try to cool down inflation.
You can’t control what’s likely to happen to the country’s economy next year or even what’s going to happen to your job but you can put a lid on some holiday spending. Maybe, take a step back before you rush online or jump in the car to chase some of those big Black Friday deals and other sales this holiday season.
Can you save by avoiding shopping triggers?
A good way to save money is to realize what can drive you to overspend in any season.
Some people are wired to pull out their wallet when they spot a “buy more, save more” deal. Or maybe one-day only specials get you to overload the online cart. Sometimes, we just spend way too much on cute like new matching plaid pajamas for the entire family or clever T-shirts for $20 that say things like “Fuller, go easy on the Pepsi,” a memorable line from the 1990 holiday classic, “Home Alone.”
Frivolous spending might might provide some entertainment value but it’s one of the easiest places to cut back. What does 50% off really mean?
Black Friday and Cyber Monday promotions are fueled by so-called big bargains. But it’s easy to lose focus and money if you only look at the half-off sign and don’t know the price on other days of the year.
“They believe the savings claims that retailers make. Save 20%. Save 80%. Save 50%. ‘Oh that’s a great deal,” said Edgar Dworsky, a consumer advocate and founder of ConsumerWorld.org
But if the item never really sells for that high so-called reference price, he said, then what kind of a sale is it really?
“You’ve got to be careful about list prices. Nobody pays list,” Dworsky said. “If they’re giving you 50% off
list, thanks for nothing.”
To really save money, review what an item has been selling for at various times. Know the difference between a bah humbug deal and a jolly one. If you’re buying a big-ticket item, like a TV or maybe a mattress during a holiday sale, make sure to check of the product, too.
Pricing tools exist to help you out, including CamelCamel Camel.com, which can be used to compare today’s price for an item to prices that had been charged for that same item over the past year at Amazon and other sellers.
out reviews that can tell you about the quality times, Dworsky said, consumers rush to buy the item on sale and then go home to read the Many reviews.
“You’ve got to do your homework in advance in terms of what’s a good price and what’s a good product,” he said.
Another resource: Fakespot.com can help protect you from scams that might rip you off and can be used to detect unreliable product reviews and some bad sellers online.
Prepare yourself for a little frustration
It could take extra work this year to determine the very best deals on Black Friday.
Dworsky said some big retailers did not leak out their Black Friday deals as early as usual. As of early morning Nov. 17, he said, retailers including Target, Home Depot, Walmart, Walgreens, Amazon and Best Buy had yet to release ads for what will be offered on sale in the stores on Black Friday. The
Walmart ad, though, came out later in the day.
Comparison shopping before Black Friday could prove a bit harder. Some earlier promotions exist, too.
Consumers, for example, will want to check online before Thanksgiving, as Walmart and some others are rolling out online deals before Black Friday. Walmart members will be able to shop early access deals at noon Nov. 21 online.
Make a list and check it twice or more When you’ve got to cut costs, you really do need to cross some people and pets- off your list.
Make Your Own “Naughty or Nice” list to clarify who you want to give a gift to this year and who maybe isn’t going to make the cut, suggested Terrence Daryl Shulman, founder and director of The Shulman Center for Compulsive Theft, Spending and Hoarding in Franklin.
Shulman and his wife spend about $100 each to cover gifts for a group of family members and best friends.
Typically, it’s about $20 a gift. Maybe $20 can be used to buy an Amazon gift card, a winter hat or gloves, a good book or board game, beer or wine, or a discounted Groupon for a manicure. Or maybe an ornament for the tree or a menorah. Or a fancy sweet treat from a local bakery.
His family shops early and wisely by using coupons and looking for deals. They also buy less expensive but Some holiday shoppers spend far more, maybe $50 or $100 on each gift. Trimming the list can really add more personalized gifts.
up to meaningful savings. Instead of exchanging gifts with friends, maybe take time to be with each other. Meet to go for a nature walk. Or volunteer as a group during the holidays at a soup kitchen or animal shelter. Or have a modest get-together, say watching a movie at home and sharing snacks or a potluck.
Get a plan that includes the unexpected
Kathryn Ellywicz doesn’t just make a list of who will get a gift. She also writes down how much she’s going to spend on each person and what she’s going to buy. Sticking to the list, she says, helps avoid those impulse buys that really add up. Gifts for nieces and nephews are around $30 each; the adults draw names to buy a gift for one person and those gifts run about $50.
It’s also important to think ahead about events that can trigger more spending, said Ellywicz, a marketing and communications specialist and former counselor at GreenPath, a nonprofit credit counseling agency.
The dollars spent on the holidays can increase for all sorts of reasons. Someone suddenly asks you to bring an appetizer to a party. A friend really wants to go to a Broadway show that’s coming to town. There’s a holiday fundraiser at work or your place of worship.
“We do see people spending more than expected,” Ellywicz said. “It can be a shock sometimes what that
holiday spending bill is.”
GreenPath, she says, does see an increase in calls in January when people get their credit card bills.
She suggests finding less-expensive substitutes. This year, she’s making plans to go to a tree-lighting ceremony, for example, with someone she often goes out to dinner with around the holidays. They’ll spend far less money but still create fun memories. Less-expensive experiences, she said, can replace costly gifts, too.
Budget for big expenses that will hit in 2023
Many bills that aren’t related to the holidays will hit in January. Right now, millions of people with college loans are expected to have to resume their payments in January after a nearly three-year hiatus.
Heating bills could spike by 33% or more this winter for those in Michigan who heat their homes with natural gas.
Now is a good time to think about where you can cut expenses or increase income to plan for next year, Ellywicz said.
While we’re hearing about layoffs at big companies, like Amazon, she said, many job openings exist at retailers, restaurants and food delivery services.
“Seasonal work is still out there,” Ellywicz said.
Ready for a secondhand celebration?
We’re looking at a new national shopping holiday dubbed “Secondhand Sunday,” which will be celebrated the Sunday after Thanksgiving. It follows two big shopping holidays, Black Friday and Small Business Saturday, and it is the day before Cyber Monday.
Not surprisingly, the new day was pushed onto the calendar by Poshmark, which runs a social marketplace for selling new and used fashionable goods for women, men, kids, pets and the home. Poshmark calls it a “day dedicated to supporting secondhand sellers, circular fashion, and the planet.”
One goal is to highlight the environmental and economic benefits of reusing items. Some call it “sustainable shopping.”
Seems to fit nicely into a “Let’s Don’t Go Broke” holiday theme.
Maybe you’ve got plenty of secondhand treasures to gift that are sitting in your own closet, cabinet or jewelry box.
Families who are looking to save money on holiday gifts could consider a new rule this year that all stocking stuffers must be items that you’re re-gifting or sharing secondhand.
We enjoyed a family party once where everyone was asked to bring a wrapped gift that you really didn’t want, a re-gifted item, that the guests could trade among themselves as part of a white elephant or Dirty Santa gift exchange. You do need a dollar limit – and a few other ground rules.
I know a young couple created a family rule that they only give used gifts. The family discovered that the strategy saved money and cut a lot of stress. You can buy those secondhand gifts online, pick them up at thrift stores or even shop through your own treasures.
If you play one of these games, though, pay attention to what you’re giving secondhand. You don’t want to wrap something as a gift and then hand it to the person who gave it to you last year.
Just a thought.
HAVE A SAFE MONTH & NEW YEAR AND REMEMBER: LIFE IS WHAT WE MAKE OF IT!