EMBRACING THE SEASON OF CHANGE
by Terrence Shulman
Change is ever-present, yet fall/autumn is known as the season of change. In about two months we will have an election and there will be dramatic change no matter what. Some of us are anxious about change, some of us are looking forward to change. Some of us may feel–that the more things change, the more they stay the same.”
We’ve all heard the famous saying: “the only thing that’s certain is change.” While most of us know this, most of us still don’t like it and have trouble accepting change. I include myself! Change can feel particularly jarring when it seems to arrive not of our own conscious choices. Change can be frightening when we have to change our beliefs as well as our actual modes of operating. Real change can feel like death: death of our former selves. We need new paradigms for meeting change–individually and collectively–if we are to evolve.
We may have to change our ways of “doing business as usual”-in our actual businesses as well as in our relationships, managing our health, and in other dimensions of our lives. From a place of deep acceptance, from a total alignment with the way things are, grounded in love, rooted in the undulating breath. We have a
tendency toward complacency and settling back into old routines, whether this is the case with addiction relapses or old ways of thinking. Even the word “fall” as in “autumn” conjures not only the image of falling leaves but, perhaps, of allowing ourselves to fall, or surrender, in order to rise, move forward, and grow. So, as we enter the fall season–the season of change-we may either be resisting change or hoping and praying for change. Or maybe a little of both. As summer fades and we naturally begin to turn inward with the fading temperatures, we might as well embrace or allow ourselves to “fall forward” into transformation. After all, life is calling us forward…. not backward.
We have a tendency toward complacency and settling back into old routines, whether this is the case with addiction relapses or old ways of thinking. As we just observed the 18th anniversary of the September 11th terrorist attacks, we might recall how–for a short period of time–we felt that event “changed everything.” Yet, I suspect for most of us, life eventually went on and we returned to the more trivial, mundane and essential concerns of our own particular lives.
We may either be resisting change or hoping and praying for change. Or maybe a little of both. As summer fades and we naturally begin to turn inward with the fading temperatures, we might as well allow ourselves to “fall forward” into transformation.
In Neale Donald Walsch’s book When Everything Changes, Change Everything (2009) Walsch talks about how change can feel threatening to our very notions of safety and security. However, change is also inevitable (“the only thing that is certain is change”). Change is how we grow. The only question is whether we evolve or regress. Sometimes it seems we need to regress before we evolve.
Walsch defines change this way: “Change is the shifting of any circumstance, situation, or condition, physical or non-physical, in such a way that the original is rendered not merely different from what it was, but altered so radically as to make it utterly unrecognizable and impossible to return to anything resembling its former state.”
Does this resonate with you? Real change can, indeed, feel like death: death of the former self.
Eckhart Tolle, in his books The Power of Now and A New Earth, uses the term “pain-body” to describe “a negative energy field that occupies your body and mind… and which has two modes: active and dormant.”
The pain-body can be activated through stressful times, “in intimate relationships, or situations linked with past loss or abandonment, physical or emotional hurt, and so on… The pain-body wants to survive, just like every other entity in existence, and it can only survive if it gets you to unconsciously identify with it. It can then rise up, take you over, ‘become you,’ and live through you… Pain can only feed upon pain. Pain cannot feed on joy… You are not conscious of this, of course, and will vehemently deny that you want pain.”
Tolle goes on to speak about how to approach dissolving or transmuting the pain-body. He states we can only do so by acknowledging its existence and by continuing to observe it and have compassion for it. This is true when we are dealing with addictions which are akin to pain-bodies themselves as they wrap themselves around us and trap us in fear and distorted thinking which leads to the relative inability to step out of our dramas to see the truth of who we really are and the options and choices we have. Indeed, the word addiction comes from a Latin word meaning “to imprison.”
Speaking of prison, one of the most dramatic ways in which we imprison ourselves is through living secret lives. Therefore, one of the most dramatic ways we can find new freedom may be to take a risk by sharing intimately with someone something we have previously kept secret. As author Brene Brown reminds us: “vulnerability is actually strength”–not usually how we think or operate.
In my counseling work with clients as well as in my own participation in recovery self-help groups, I regularly witness the struggle people have in “coming clean” about their history of stealing and/or overspending. I have been there myself. I just learned that a friend in longtime recovery still hasn’t told her spouse about her addiction history. While it is certainly her choice, I can only imagine the pain, fear, and shame she holds closely inside of her.
I recently counseled a married couple in coming “out of the shadows” and revealing the extent of their secret lives with their respective spouses. It was both frightening and liberating to them. They each expressed relief at feeling a load off their shoulders-and real change and transformation became possible. One of my favorite sayings is “we’re only as sick as our secrets.”
So, in what ways do you feel change beckoning you? Health? Finances? Employment? Relationships? Moving? New projects or goals? Remember: we can delay or resist change–which just results in stagnation. Or we can do our best to welcome it and know that change is inevitable and is how we truly grow.
FALL CLEANING TIME!
Clutter is one thing, part of everyday living. But how can you tell if you’ve crossed the line into hoarding, a condition that is now a recognized mental health disorder, affecting up to 6 percent of the U.S. population, or 19 million people. Read more: Secret Detroit hoarder found dead, eaten by her dog According to the International OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) Foundation, here are seven questions to consider.
Do you:
- Have difficulty getting rid of items?
- Have a large amount of clutter in the office, at home, in the car, or in other spaces that makes it difficult to use furniture or appliances or move around easily?
- Often lose important items like money or bills in the clutter? 4. Feel overwhelmed by the volume of
possessions that have “taken over” the house or workspace? 5. Find it difficult to stop taking free items, such as advertising flyers or sugar packets from restaurants? - Buy things because they are a “bargain” or to “stock up”?
- Avoid inviting family or friends into the home due to shame or embarrassment?
- Refuse to let people into the home to make repairs?
If you answered yes to one or more of the above questions, you may have hoarding disorder. For help, consider checking out the following:
- https://hoarding.iocdf.org/professionals/treatment-of-hoarding-disorder/
- https://med.stanford.edu/rodriguezlab/hoarding-resources/family-members.html
- https://www.dorothytheorganizer.com/hoarding-resources/
WORKPLACE THEFT IS ON THE RISE!
As the line between work and home blurs,
office supplies attract sticky fingers! by Rene Chun (Mach 2019
Your office is a den of thieves. Don’t take my word for it: When a forensic-accounting firm surveyed workers in 2013, 52 percent admitted to stealing company property. And the thievery is getting worse. The Association of Certified Fraud Examiners reports that theft of “non-cash” property-ranging from a single pencil in the supply closet to a pallet of them on the company loading dock-jumped from 10.6 percent of corporate-theft losses in 2002 to 21 percent in 2018. Managers routinely order up to 20 percent more product than is necessary, just to account for sticky-fingered employees.
Some items-scissors, notebooks, staplers-are pilfered perennially; others vanish on a seasonal basis: The burn rate on tape spikes when holiday gifts need wrapping, and parents ransack the supply closet in August, to avoid the back-to-school rush at Target. After a new Apple gadget is released, some workers report that their company-issued iPhone is broken-knowing that IT will furnish a replacement, no questions asked.
What’s behind this 9-to-5 crime wave? Mark R. Doyle, the president of the loss-prevention consultancy Jack L. Hayes International, points to a decrease in supervision, the ease of reselling purloined products online, and what he alleges is “a general decline in employee honesty.” The changing nature of the workplace may also bear some blame. Full-time employees now spend an average of 3.3 hours a day working from home-a fact reflected in the frequent disappearance of household items from the office.
On social media, for instance, anonymous workers have confessed to stealing everything from light bulbs and toilet paper to Oreos, Windex smuggled out in a water bottle, and a fake Christmas tree. After one Reddit user expressed guilt over snatching coffee for weekend enjoyment, another poster offered a compelling rationalization: “You weren’t stealing the coffee. You were planning to work from home this weekend. Obviously you need coffee if you’re going to be working.” With the divide between apartment and cubicle blurring, taking stuff home isn’t even thought of as theft anymore, says Brian Friedman, the asset- protection director for HD Supply. “It’s [considered] an entitlement.”