Compulsive Theft Spending & Hoarding Newsletter January 2020

WHAT A YEAR, WHAT A DECADE!
Some Personal and Professional Reflections on The 2010’s

by Terrence Shulman

Wow, here it is: not just a new year but a new decade! It feels surreal to even think that we’re 20 years into both a new century and a new millenium!
I suppose we can always look at the positive AND not-so-positive aspects of both our individual lives and the world-at-large. I’ll choose to focus on the positive… but I must also include some of my more difficult experiences over the last ten years as well. Here we go:
2010 ushered in my 45th birthday, my 8th anniversary to my wife; my 20th year in recovery; my 5th year in my private therapy practice; the 18th anniversary of the C.A.S.A. (Cleptomaniacs And Shoplifters Anonymous) support group founded; the resolution of a year-long copyright-trademark lawsuit I defended, the start of a 3-year falling out with my parents over perceived hurts; the early signs of my mother’s Alzheimer’s (she was 70 then and is 80 now); and the completion of my 4th (and most recent book: Cluttered Lives. Empty Souls).
2011 saw the publication of my book Cluttered Lives, Empty Souls: the expansion of my work with hoarding disorder and shopping addiction, my production of the 3rd (and last?) International Conference on Compulsive Theft, Spending and Hoarding; and my foray into two years of psychotherapy precipitated by the previous year’s lawsuit and conflict with my parents.
2012 brought steady work and expanded opportunities to give hoarding disorder presentations at local libraries and at various local and national conferences; President Obama was re-elected to a 2nd 4-year term; my folks and had a “come to Jesus meeting and amicably resolved our 3-year conflict, and the world did not end on 12/21/12 as the Mayan calendar may have predicted.
2013 must have been a pretty mellow year because I know I was busy but not too much stands out; ten years after writing my first of four books, I wait for inspiration and energy to see if have a fifth book in me; and the Boston Marathon bombing reminds us that terror is both an international and homegrown scourge.
2014 delivered an early January gift to me and my wife in the form of a 9-year old nearly blind male rescue Shih-tzu dog named Bam Bam (who’s now our fully blind but healthy 15-year old 4-legged baby); I presented at The Betty Ford Treatment Center in California; and reach the 10-year mark of making a decent and honorable living as a solo practice therapist.
2015 found me on the cusp of turning 50, feeling a mix of awe, pride, gratitude, and exhaustion; my dog Bam
Bam becomes one of my primary teachers on slowing down, living in the moment, and keeping things
simple; my Mom’s Alzheimer’s symptoms have become more pronounced and my stepdad starts thinking
about moving them into senior living, I gradually decide to coast a bit in work and life after pushing myself so
hard; my wife’s and my 30-year old godson, Frankie (whom I’d mentored for 15 years), dies in a car accident
in Nashville, leaving behind a wife, a teenage stepson, and three young sons in Nashville.
2016 is dominated by the forthcoming presidential election; I continue to enjoy my work doing therapy,
writing, presenting and, increasingly, consulting with companies to develop online educational programs, my
media appearances and conference presentations taper off, partly by choice, partly by fate; a good friend,
John P., who helped me facilitate the flagship C.A.S.A. meeting for over 10 years, gets sick and dies
unexpectedly; and Donald Trump is ellected (I wonder; how did this happen and what will this bring?)

2017 sees an almost immediate shift in the body politic and President Trump dominated the news on a daily- -if not hourly-basis; my wife and I complete a year-long “Cluttered Lives, Empty Souls” tour that entails our traveling around the state of Michigan and giving 30+ public library presentations on hoarding disorder; my wife and I celebrate our 15th anniversary; C.A.S.A. turns 25; my folks move into a local senior living complex; we celebrate Bam Bam’s 13th birthday with a “Bark-Mitzvah”; and I find myself cuddling more and more on the living room couch with Bam Bam, glued to the TV (mostly for the evening news) which results in some weight gain, procrastination, and increasing feelings of uncertainty about the country, the world, my life, and if goodness and truth will prevail.
2018 comes with new challenges and new hopes in my life and politically with upcoming elections; my folks are settling in to their new living arrangement and sell their 20-year old winter home in Florida (fortunately, my wife and I get to visit them there one last time); I continue to be passionate about my work and feel at ease about the flow coming in without my having to do as much; I wonder if I have at least one more push to write another book, produce another conference, or be ready for a next media appearance or major speaking opportunity, and the Democrats win back the House of Representatives to at least balance out a one-sided government.
2019 marks the start of my 15th year in private practice-it looks like I might actually be able to do this!; I realize that my work-life balance definitely needs major tweaking in my marriage, my health, and my creative productivity; I get a call from the Doctor Oz Show in early February and fly to NYC to film a segment on shoplifting addiction which airs on July 9-the same dae my first book Something for Nothing: Shoplifting. Addiction and Recovery–which has been translated into Japanese–is published in Japan; my 89-year old stepdad finds out he has colon cancer in October and undergoes emergency surgery which is successful; we move my Mom, whose Alzheimer’s has continued to progress, into a higher-level or memory care building in the same senior living complex; I make arrangements for my wife and I to travel to Japan in April 2020 for a book and psychoeducational tour; Trump is impeached.

2020: I look forward to celebrating: 30 years of recovery, my stepdad’s 90th birthday, my 55th birthday, 18 years, 16 years in private practice, and more balance and passion in my life,

Wishing us all peace and happiness, individually and collectively.

LET’S KICK OFF THE NEW DECADE RIGHT!
Here’s 55 New Year’s Resolution Ideas for 2020

by

Meghan Grant (Parade Magazine, December 30, 2019)

Lose weight. Quit social media. Cut out alcohol completely. Blah blah blah snooze-fest. These are all good goals, don’t get me wrong. But we set the same New Year’s resolutions every single year and then… never really stick to them. Still want to find a better you in 2020? In that case, why not shake things up a bit and try creating resolutions of a different variety? How about picking a handful of these intentions to focus on?

1. Focus on a Passion, Not the Way You Look. Influencer Mik Zazon, who’s on a mission to “normalize normal bodies,” tells Parade, “… I want to inform readers that resolutions are in fact NOT an invitation to start a diet or a workout plan but a beautiful reminder that a new year can bring new life to our passions. It’s okay to grow out of clothes. And just like how the seasons change, we dress accordingly to shifts in temperatures and weather. And I believe it’s the same concept with the changing of our bodies as we get older, which is inevitable. You don’t need to cut calories, you need to cut the clothes and maybe just buy a bigger size.”
2. Work out to feel good, not be thinner. Instead of obsessing over the scale, obsess over how amazing you feel since you started being more active. Numbers don’t mean much.
3. Stop gossiping. Don’t be that person. Spread positivity.
4. Give one compliment a day. You never know-it just might make that person feel a whole lot better.
5. Go a whole day without checking your email. Nobody’s going to die. It can wait until tomorrow.
6. Do Random Acts of Kindness. Anyone can be kind, and it costs you nothing. We encourage caring and compassion and believe it is better to be thoughtful and kind than to bully. Let’s spread smiles together! As I say, you don’t have to be big to make a BIG difference in the world.”
7. Read a book a month. Haven’t you heard? Reading is good for your brain, it can reduce stress, and it can improve your memory and concentration.
8. Go someplace you’ve never been. Step outside of your comfort zone and do something daring. It’s good for the soul and forces you to learn new things.
9. Clear out the clutter. Clutter is literally bad for your health. Research says it stresses you out. Make 2020 the year of organization and cleanliness.
10. Turn off your phone one night a week. You’re sleeping anyway. You don’t need it!
11. Reduce your waste. Some research says that the average American produces over 2,000 pounds of trash every year. Gross, Reduce your waste by ditching paper towels in favor of rags you cut up from old towels and dothes. Another easy switch is reusable grocery bags. It makes a difference!
12. Volunteer. Not only is volunteering good for your own mental and physical health, but you’re doing
    something kind and selfless for others.
13. Travel on a small budget. “Traveling on a budget is all about flexibility and being willing to sacrifice a bit
    of comfort and luxury in favor of seeing the world and the life-changing experiences that travel comes with,” says Eli Solidum, The Partying Traveler. “A lot of people have the idea that travel needs to be luxurious and holidays need to be expensive for them to be fun. My experience over the last three years of budget backpacking says otherwise.”
14. Write down one thing you’re grateful for every night. End the night with gratitude and you’ll feel better when you lay your head down on your pillow.
15. Drink more water. You’ve probably heard that your body needs it. 75 percent of us are chronically dehydrated. Drink up!
16. Take some of your paychecks and put it in savings or investment. Even just a small percentage can really add up down the line. Plan for the future and don’t be silly with your money.
17. Stop multi-tasking. Multi-tasking can lead to memory problems, it reduces our brains’ grey matter, it hurts productivity and efficiency, and it can even increase stress, anxiety, and depression. Focus on one thing at a time.
18. Talk to yourself with kindness. We aim to be nice to others but then criticize ourselves relentlessly. Stop! Think nicer things about yourself.
19. Walk to a coworker’s office instead of emailing them. We sit entirely too much, and the Mayo Clinic says sitting can be as deadly as smoking and obesity. Not good.
20. Don’t buy things you don’t need. Bad habit. We love to spend money even if it’s for no good reason. Don’t need it? Don’t buy it.
21. Keep a journal. The University of Rochester Medical Center says that journaling can help battle anxiety, stress, and depression. Even if you write only a few sentences, you can reap the benefits.
22. Clean out your car. It’s so easy for it to become trashed, especially if you drive a lot. Spot clean as you go so that your ride is always looking sharp.
23. Put your bills on autopay. If this won’t put you under any financial stress, do it! It’s one less thing you have to think about and you’ll never pay late fees again. Win-win.
24. Take the stairs. It’s good for your caboose.
25. Go to the dentist when you’re supposed to. Your oral health can actually have an impact on things that are happening in other parts of your body, like your heart and lungs.
26. Be kind on social media. “I think everyone who uses social media should strive to empathize more with strangers and respond to others on the internet with kindness,” says Julia, also known as itsblitzzz. “Don’t let hate or bullying be motivation for interacting on social platforms.”
27. Let go of grudges. Wouldn’t it be nice to start 2020 with a clean slate? Leave hate behind. Anger is so 2019.
28. Stay in touch with the people who matter. Even a quick call, text, or email can make a world of difference.
29. Try a totally new restaurant. Go on. Be adventurous. Get that strange sushi roll or try the Indian restaurant that just opened up down the street.
30. Join a club or Meetup. Make new friends. See new people. Do new stuff. Let yourself blossom in 2020.
31. Travel somewhere without posting about it on social media. “No status updates, no photos… just go on vacation and not tell anyone,” says travel writer Reannon Muth. “That might seem silly but in a world where it didn’t happen unless you post it about it on Instagram, it can be a challenge to resist the temptation to post that sunset beach photo or poolside cocktail selfie.”
32. Bring a plant into your home. They might help reduce your stress and improve your productivity.
33. Sanitize your personal belongings. Cell phones might be the dirtiest things we touch all day, with 25,127 bacteria per square inch. Nasty.
34. Start one new hobby. Bonus points if it’s something you feel like you’re not good at.
35. Buy less plastic. It’s polluting our oceans, destroying the earth, and hurting animals. Be more aware of what you’re buying.
36. Send handwritten letters. Nobody does this anymore, and it’s such a thoughtful, genuine gesture, Make somebody’s day!
37. Donate clothes you never wear. We tend to hang onto stuff “just in case.” If you haven’t worn it in a year, give someone else the chance to.
38. Pay off your credit card every month. And if something is so expensive, you think that you won’t be able to? Don’t buy it.
39. Avoid people who complain a lot. It doesn’t matter how positive a person you are. Negativity spreads, and it will impact you. And on a similar note….
40. Remove negativity or anything that makes you feel lousy. Even things like super sad movies or news sources that just upset you.
41. Travel somewhere with no map. “I’d also recommend going on a road trip without using Apple or Google maps, No GPS, Just start driving and see where it takes you,” says Muth, “You’ll never know what sort of fun and exciting adventure you’ll end up on as a result.”
42. Wear sunscreen. The sun can do damage even when you’re driving in the car. Make SPF your new best friend.
43. Cook more. It’s therapeutic, and you’ll probably end up with something pretty darn delicious.
44. Get a Real Haircut. Some of us are so attached to our hair literally and figuratively. Chop off a few inches. You might feel like a new person.
45. Do Something That Scares You. Whether it’s skydiving or even just singing karaoke at a crowded bar,
    in 2020, practice a little bravery.
46. Make Your Bed Every Morning. Making your bed helps you accomplish something first thing in the morning and thus starts your day with success.
47. Stay on Top of Your Inbox. Is the number of unread messages creeping up on you? Stay on top of it and aim to clear your inbox out throughout the week.
48. Try Guided Meditation. Meditation offers a whole host of science-based benefits, including reduced stress and anxiety and improved memory and attention span. Try an app like Headspace.
49. Stretch It Out. We spend so much time sitting and staring at our phones, all hunched over. Loosen up those tight muscles with even just five minutes of stretching each day.
50. Craft Something Yourself. Even if you’re not the most artsy, DIY-type of person, the satisfaction you get from making something with your own hands is undeniable. It can be as small as a candle or as big as a coffee table.
51. Go to Bed Happy Each Night. “Never go to bed angry.” It’s a cliche, but it’s true. Aim to start and end each day with happiness and gratitude.
52. Spot Clean as You Go. Overwhelmed by a filthy house you have to clean from top to bottom each weekend? Simple solution: Clean as you go. Wash dirty dishes after each meal and wipe down toilets and countertops throughout the week. Easy peasy.
53. Pay it Forward. Did someone do something nice for you recently? 2020 is a great time to do something nice for another. Maybe you’ll pay for someone’s coffee in the Starbucks drive-thru or buy a meal for a homeless person. Receive good things, and spread them, too.
54. Talk Less, Listen More. Good things happen and you learn and notice so much when you spend more time listening.
55. Whatever Your Goals Are, Write Them Down. People who write down their goals are 42 percent more likely to achieve them. Whatever you want in 2020, commit it to paper.

LAST-MINUTE GIFT BUYING: 5 SCENARIOS THAT WILL DRAIN YOUR WALLET
by
Susan Tompor
(Detroit Free Press/USA Today, December 16, 2019)

By this time of the holiday season, shopping is on a 24/7 loop. So if you get a little loopy, well, you might
want to step away from the laptop and the credit cards.
“I saw this charge come through on my PayPal and I was like ‘What did I buy?”” said Angela Anter, 50, who
admits she’s been known to shop online after a few cocktails with friends.
What she bought in August was a subscription box at $40 a month for snacks that fit into a Keto-friendly diet.
So far, she’s spent about $200 on snacks, rationalizing that she doesn’t need to cancel the service because she gets to try new treats every month. A year’s worth of snacks, though, would mean she’s going to be out $480.
Last Christmas, Anter shopped online to spend about $30 on a necklace with an inspirational message, something like “She believed she could, so she did,” for a young woman on her list.
The problem? Well, shopping when your inhibitions are down means you’re generally not reading the fine print. The necklace, which she ordered in November, didn’t show up in time for Christmas. It didn’t arrive until February. She didn’t pay attention to details like the necklace was being shipped out of China.
“I would never have done that had I not been drinking,” she said.
All sorts of things can throw you for a loop when it comes to the last-minute crunch for gift buying. The 50% off sales are flashing across every single screen the TV, emails, online websites. Can you really afford to miss out on the next big sale?
Retailers say the next big shopping day is the last Saturday before Christmas Dec. 21 this year which the industry refers to as “Super Saturday.” Last year, the National Retail Federation had forecast that 134 million people would shop on Super Saturday.
Yes, you can buy too much of a good thing. So here’s a look at what can throw you for a loop and drain your wallet:
Ask yourself: Do I need one in every color?
It’s not quite like signing up for the box-of-the-month. But do you really need gloves in every color?
Maybe you found a nice pair of knit gloves for $20 and so you starting thinking, “Hey maybe I should get one in black, one in red and another in bright yellow.” Maybe you like the feel of a turtleneck that cost $25. But it’s nothing but an old QVC trick to get you to ‘buy more, save more” and pick up two or three different colors.

Soon you’ve spent $100 buying one turtleneck after another.
Ask yourself: Do I need it now?
Sometimes, the one name you need to take off the holiday shopping list is your own.
Some shoppers, not naming names, could save enough to cover the winter gas bill by staying away from searching for the right holiday outfit, the perfect shoes, the next half-off deal on anything.
We’re looking at a string of shopping “holidays” stores that open on Thanksgiving, Black Friday door busters, Cyber Monday deals, Green Monday, Free Shipping Day and on and on. All are really excuses to pick up something for someone and yourself.
No need to panic. If you miss one of these big sales, you can wait until an item goes on sale again. Big screen TVs? Expect a bunch of sales before Super Bowl Sunday.
You’ll regret shopping while tipsy Roughly a quarter of Americans admit to shopping under the influence, totaling some 53.4 million people, according to a survey released in March by from Finder.com, a platform for comparing financial products and finding coupon codes.
The annual survey involved 2,000 American adults.
Collectively, according to the survey, Americans spent $39.4 billion after shopping under the influence in the past 12 months, up from last year’s $30.43 billion. The average spent was $736. Many times, people will buy
food, clothing, cigarettes, DVDs or gamble. Some have booked vacations or bought a pet when they were a tad tipsy.
That wine exchange? It’s a pyramid scheme
“If gifting one bottle of wine and receiving dozens in return sounds too good to be true, that’s because it is,” warns the Better Business Bureau.
The BBB is warning consumers that such promotions via social media are pyramid schemes where the wine stops flowing once people stop participating in the exchange. And you don’t get your bottles as promised and are out your initial investment.

The U.S. Postal Inspection Service notes that scammers are now using social media to promote illegal pyramid schemes.
Tip: Never give your personal information to strangers. Doing so could contribute to identity theft and other scams.
‘One day only’ means hurry up and spend
One-day only sales, some offering 50% off all purchases, only encourage people to hurry up and spend money, according to Terrence Daryl Shulman, founder and director of The Shulman Center for Compulsive Theft, Spending and Hoarding in Franklin.
“They’re upping the ante,” Shulman said.
“You don’t want to miss this,” reads one email for Ann Taylor. “Buy more, save more Flash Sale,” reads another for Chicos.
While signing up for emails can help alert you to discounts, those same emails also create a sense of urgency and may create way too much temptation for someone on a tight budget, Shulman said.
He has said such emails can be “like crack,” and suggests that those facing financial hardships or dealing with compulsive shopping need to unsubscribe to them.
Shulman, who counsels recovering shopaholics and shoplifters, said compulsive shopping is becoming a growing problem for many people.
Many shopaholics are men, as well, buying DVDs, electronics and other items often online, he said.
“Guys have gotten the bug too,” he said.
Sometimes, a shopping addiction crops up after a loss, maybe the loss of a job, a death, or a bad break up. Maybe someone is bored with their job or doesn’t have the energy that they used to have in the past. They may feel more isolated and welcome a chance to interact by shopping.
“Our computers and our phones are our best friends, Shulman said. “It’s really pouring gasoline on our addictions.”
One-day and two-day delivery promises can feed a shopping rush, too, and, in some, cases the boxes might arrive before you have second thoughts about the order.
“A lot of people don’t like returning something once they’ve got it,” Shulman said. “They want to get it to you quick before you can change your mind.”