ON FREEDOM, INDEPENDENCE, TRUTH, AND UNITY Now More Than Ever!
by
Terrence Shulman
Singer Janis Joplin once sang in the song “Me and Bobby McGee”: “freedom’s just another word for nothing less to lose.” It’s an oft-repeated and iconic line. Many of us have felt the brunt of loss over the last year: job, money, home, possessions, relationships, health, and beyond.
There’s no making light of loss, of course, but I recall a friend, a recovering shopaholic, who lost her home, most of her job income, and truckloads of things she had accumulated over the years. As she downsized from her home to a smaller rental home to yet another smaller rental home and purged most of her non- essential materials things, she remarked how much lighter, happier, and free she feels. She embarked upon a new chapter in her life and, with some anxiety, she felt hopeful and excited about the chance to reinvent herself and also reclaim parts of her authentic self which she had lost sight of.
Sometimes, things just weigh us down. Can you relate?
As we approach the U.S. 4th of July Independence Day holiday, take a moment to consider what freedom and independence mean to you? In these ever-challenging and globally volatile times, it is easy to focus on the importance of financial independence and freedom from anxiety. These are wonderful goals. Still, maybe we can appreciate whatever freedoms we do currently enjoy. For most of us, we have our physical freedom to move about and our freedom of self-expression and our freedom to pursue a life of authentic meaning and purpose.
We can also claim our independence from addictions and from dysfunctional relationships and our right to vote independently for what we believe in.
Freedom doesn’t just mean doing what we want to do every moment independent of others. We must co- exist among a multitude of individuals and systems with which we don’t always agree but compared to most systems and countries, we have many more rights and privileges which we too often take for granted. Life may not be perfect but this holiday allows an opportunity to soak in the gifts of freedom and independence that we may not have had in the past or may not have in the future.
America (and Americans) tend to value “rugged individualism” and “freedom” at all costs. But do we need to balance the “I” and the “We?” The current health insurance debate is a good example. As we seem to move further away from healthcare as a right to healthcare as a privilege, we seem to be going backward to a “survival of the fittest” state. But, as a nation, isn’t it in our collective interests to help our fellow citizens rather than close our eyes, minds, fists, and hearts just to make sure there’s more money for those who already have so much? Is this what our forefathers imagined as the “united” states?
A free society also needs to have a “free” press. But what happens when the press is under constant attack and there no longer such a thing as “facts?”
And what about democracy itself? As we struggle to get the basic facts about our last election and how much our faith in free and fair elections may have been impinged, we may be witnessing the erosion of an election system that used to be the envy of much of the world. Is this what we fought so many wars for?
And Speaking or wars is there any more for the war we continue to fight.
So, whatever you’re doing this holiday-relaxing, spending time with family or friends, enjoying the weather and some fine food-slow down and embrace our freedoms and independence-two of our greatest assets-while we still have them.
FREEDOM FROM ADDICTION
What Are The Signs of Addiction And How To Overcome It?
by
Terrence Shulman
Many people who are addicted to drugs, alcohol, and/or other behaviors have seen the destruction their their addiction(s) have done to themselves, their lives, and the people who love and care about them. They see the negative side of addiction and yet still cannot find the strength on their own to fight their addiction, to take a stand for themselves, their lives, and their happiness.
For most addicts waking up in the morning, their first thought is, “how do I get my fix?” They may have moments of clarity when they realize the destruction and want to make a change. However, they are too afraid to make that stand by taking the first step. For those addicts who think they do not have the strength or willpower to stand up to their addiction, their oppressor, there is hope.
The number one factor in getting clean is the desire to overcome it. Becoming sober is the hardest part of sobriety but every year thousands of people accomplish this goal. Thousands of people make the change in their life for something better, for freedom from their addiction. They have a dream to survive, they have a dream to do and be better, they have a dream to create a life for themselves that addictions took away. They see what has held them back from achieving their full potential and they confront it head-on. These people reached that moment of clarity where they knew that if they didn’t change their addictions were going to consume them completely. They would either end up in jail or dead from an overdose or some other drug-related occurrence.
Standing Up To Addiction
Even after years or decades of addiction, there is still hope. Every day there are new discoveries in ways to help one overcome their addiction, more understanding of the addiction and any co-occurring disorders, and more people overcoming their addiction who know what works and what helps. Every day is another step in the right direction. There are thousands of people who stand up for those afflicted with addiction everyday. Most everyone has been affected by addiction in some way or another. People have their own addictions or have had family members or friends with addiction, and far too many lives have been taken because of it.
With new therapies being used such as recreational therapies, sensory integration therapy, occupational therapy, and looking at co-occurring disorders, all help those with addiction get clean and maintain their sobriety. The use of alumni programs allows newly sober people and long-term sober people to keep in touch with and meet each other, to meet other people who know exactly what they have gone through and can offer tips and advice for those who need it.
Make Your Dream Of Sobriety A Reality! Call our team to review your benefits and help place you in the most appropriate rehab facility. Help, hope, and freedom from addiction are available.
Many people have found strength for many different reasons with the words spoken by Martin Luther King Jr. in 1963: “I have a dream today I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, every hill and mountain shall be made low. The rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight.” We all know why these words were spoken in their original context, but in today’s world, there are new oppressors and new freedoms being sought. One of the biggest oppressors in our time is drugs.
Whether it is the people being forced to pick coca leaves to support their families, the women and children being used as drug mules to avoid death or thousand of citizens who fall prey to the drugs for numerous reasons.
Get Help To End Your Addiction
Once someone becomes addicted there is little anyone else can do to end the addiction. The substance and/or addictive behavior has taken control of one’s life. Every time you use alcohol, drugs, or engage in certain addictive behaviors, they change your brain chemistry and cause you to become dependent, even after just one use. Thousands of dollars are spent by a single user every year to support their habit. Families are broken up because the user’s main concern becomes the drug instead of their loved ones. They stop caring about school, work, their futures, and themselves.
With the right help, the right support, and the right recovery treatment, these users can find the way back to their dreams. With these things, these users have the chance, the opportunity, to achieve their dreams that drugs, alcohol and/or addictive behaviors have stolen from them. It is time to stand up to your oppressor and free yourself from your addiction. Free yourself from the downward spiral drugs bring into everyone’s life. Free yourself from a life without dreams, a life without hope, and a life without happiness. Stand up and take those things back for yourself. What dreams have addictions kept you from achieving?
Do You Have A Dream of Being in Recovery? If you want to make that dream of freedom from addiction a reality, there is hope! Contact us by calling 248-358-8508 or emailing terrenceshulman@theshulmancenter.com.
The Evolving Self
In a world where appearance and identity can be manipulated more easily than ever, how fluid has our sense of self become?
reprinted from Kintsugi: The Art of Beautiful Repair (July 1, 2022)
You think that there was some evolution, like in the movies or whatever, but I was always who I am”
When the Netflix documentary Inventing Anna – a drama about fake heiress Anna Delvey – hit screens earlier this year, it not only exposed the myriad identities and lies of one young woman, peddled over several years in New York, but also reminded us how easy it is to become someone else.
Clothed head to toe in high-end fashion, changing her name from Sorokin to hide her Russian heritage, as well as a crash course in art and staggering lies about her wealth, Delvey created a vision of the person she wanted to be, and lived that truth for as long as she could. And her deep conviction that she was who she said she was opened doors easily. As fashion director Vanessa Friedman wrote for Refinery29, ‘The quick and easy way with which she made friends with influential people is undoubtedly how she convinced so many to part with so much.’
Long stays in expensive hotels, endless dinners at elite restaurants, and travel via private jet and aggressive networking bolstered her persona further. ‘Her reputation most definitely preceded her,’ wrote Friedman. ‘So, when she attempted to secure loans in excess of $20 million to start The Anna Delvey Foundation… hedge funds and banks initially bought the idea.’
We’ve written in this issue about how identity is, in part, about inhabiting a persona – about creating a mantra that speaks to who you want to be. But what does this mean in the case of someone like Delvey, who tricked her friends out of tens of thousands of dollars, and almost convinced banks to part with millions? Where do you draw the line?
We all reinvent ourselves in some way. Silicon Valley execs dress casually, to differentiate themselves from what they see as the corporate world. ‘Mum dressing’ has turned into wardrobes full of athleisure, trainers and ‘mum buns’. Pearls and Alice bands characterized London socialites in the 1980s. And goth culture has evolved into an identifying uniform.
As we grow up, we change our favorite drinks and foods, read different books, watch different television programs, have different friends. With the advent of motherhood – one of the biggest shifts for women – we develop a new pack mentality with our ‘mum friends’. We mix infrequently with childless friends. We talk less about work and politics and more about weaning and the developmental stages of toddlers. We inhabit these new personas these identities these uniforms because they fit our new lives– but also because we are trying to fit ourselves into our new lives.
Elizabeth Holmes, who faces prison for misleading investors with her company Theranos, embraced her chosen identity with laser-sighted specificity. As she began to move up through the entrepreneurial ranks, Holmes wore the same black polo necks as Steve Jobs, even sourcing them from Issey Miyake as the Apple supremo had done. She dropped her voice to a distinctive low timbre. She wore minimal makeup, bar bright red lipstick, straightened her hair or wore it pulled sharply back. Staff at Theranos reported that the metamorphosis happened before their eyes. ‘She did change her aesthetic, one employee told ABC
News, ‘and I think it was for the best.’
When the business fell apart and a trial beckoned, Holmes’ chameleon tendencies became clearer still. She arrived at court with bland, beige clothing, wavy hair, ballet pumps and a diaper bag dangling from her shoulder. Having given birth months before the trial began, Holmes was now a mother, and playing the part to perfection. ‘The diaper bag functioned as an implicit reminder of her maternal status and family values, wrote Friedman. ‘In case that accessory wasn’t enough, she often entered the courthouse with an actual family member – her mother, her partner – – in tow, and a hand to cling to. It was code-switching of the most skillful kind.’
In a time of crisis, Holmes turned to family to find her new identity. When we feel lost, or face a crisis of identity, we often turn to our heritage to try to understand ourselves better. We take the parts of ourselves that we think are the most interesting and turn them to our advantage. We identify with aspects of our parents’ nationalities, or attach significance to where we were born or raised, or what our parents did for a living, or the religion we were brought up in, and trade on our points of difference or similarity. We form alliances with people based on shared traits, like gender, religion or sexual orientation. This can help us to feel seen but can also divide us and lead to over-identification with just one aspect of ourselves.
To feel balanced and to align with our authentic self, we must be true to who we are, inside and out. Sorokin mimicked who she wanted to be. It was artifice: her internal truth didn’t match her external lies.
And yet her self-belief is quite extraordinary. ‘You think that there was some evolution, like in the movies or whatever, but I was always who I am,’ she told journalist Jessica Pressler, whose New York Magazine exposé inspired Inventing Anna. And she remains remarkably unrepentant, coming closest to an admission of guilt with, ‘I completely understand that a lot of people suffered when I thought I was not doing anything wrong.’
Even since leaving jail, Sorokin’s Instagram account – which has more than one million followers – still bears her Delvey moniker and her trademark monochrome images, though she has changed her occupation to ‘professional defendant’. Maybe she truly embraces those ideas of intentional and purposeful living: being who she wants to be, inside and out. Who she believes she is has become her lifeline. ‘I wanted to learn everything, so I could be anything, she is quoted as saying in the Netflix show. ‘They will not call Anna Delvey a dumb socialite. I’m smart. I’m a businesswoman.’
And maybe, eventually, she will be.
HAVE A SAFE MONTH & NEW YEAR, AND REMEMBER: LIFE IS WHAT WE MAKE OF IT!